Building Self-Confidence

[greatbasin]

I have a girl who is moving up to 12U next year and she's good player, very trainable, all the physical abilities and an all around good kid. While I know she is still very young she has devolved an issue with self-confidence and mental toughness.
Performance problems seem to come up randomly, but when it happens she doesn't just suffer from performance loss, it's more like a break-down. She plays on the corners and is a pitcher, too. She pitches almost daily with a 50 mph fast ball, has a good change-up and she's working on a drop ball. When pitching practice to her teammates they really struggle to hit off her.
The problems arise mainly at the plate and on the rubber during some games. She can go from pitching a very intimidating pregame warm-up to a first inning disaster, with walk after walk until she's pulled...sometimes without finishing the 1st. inning.
At the plate she has good mechanics and crushes balls during cage sessions and live pitching, but during many games lately she gets really stiff and cannot connect, usually slow to fire... at best hitting weak grounders but drawing way to many strike outs or getting lucky with walks.

There are times when she seems to feel less pressure because she's had great games this year. Pitching to win state, pitching the first game at Nationals, to win. She also had two homers early this season and seemd to be more soild at the plate early on this year....so I can't figure it out.

What do I do? I have tried positive imagery, breathing exercises, stress loading, along with plenty of opportunity, and playing time. I am running out of ideas. She has put way too much time and effort into the sport she dearly loves to wash out at what is just the beginning.
I know that much has been written on the subject of mental toughness for sports but I would love some recommended reading and / or exercises for the both of us. This is a setback but I really hope with time and the correct approach it will be overcome. Advice please, thank you.

 

[sluggers]

Adjust the aluminum foil on your head, because you may be picking up transmissions from Zorlok, Emperor of Jupiter and Fastpich Softball. He often transmits strange messages to crazy softball daddies. If that doesn't stop these weird thoughts, then stop watching the ESPN and NFL channels.

What do I do? I have tried positive imagery, breathing exercises, stress loading, along with plenty of opportunity, and playing time. I am running out of ideas. She has put way too much time and effort into the sport she dearly loves to wash out at what is just the beginning.

Take a chill pill. Believe it or not, millions of girls all across the United States never play an inning of softball, and they go on to lead happy, productive lives.

Your DD is struggling because she is 10 YOA. It isn't her fault, it isn't your fault. That is the way it is. Get used to it. My DD (all-conference D1 pitcher) threw 100,000 pitches before she could consistently throw strikes. Until then, she walked more batters than there are stars in the sky. Your DD has thrown maybe 2000 pitches. She isn't going to be consistent until she gets lots and lots of reps.

There is a girl I know who was pitching a 12U game and completely lost it. She couldn't find the strike zone with a map and compass. She started sobbing on the mound. Eight years later, she was starting for Stanford. So, get a grip.

The person that has to have confidence and mental toughness is you, not her. You have to be there for her and you have to support and say, "It is OK, you'll get them next time. If you practice some more, you'll get it."

If she has the talent and the work ethic, she'll be good. If not, so what? The important thing is for her and you to enjoy the journey.

 

[Coach Lia]

Have you talked to her personally and asked what's on her mind when she's playing? After that then you can adjust to her needs. Try bringing her in the next innings and have someone else start so she can get warmed up.

If you say she didn't have this problem before then maybe something just triggered it

like training mental drills have to be done prior to the tournament and must be done during practice not only on the game itself.

Im sure things will turn out alright since you mentioned she loves the game

 

[greatbasin]

sluggers,
No need to be disrespectful, your rude answer shocked me. I am disapointed that a site administrator would respond as you did. I am not some fanatical sports dad as you assume, I'm just trying to help a kid I love. As a matter of fact, my DD has asked for my help with this and really I don't care what sport she plays or at what level, I just want her to feel good.

 

[greatbasin]

Thanks Coach Lia for the artical.

 

[calgofo]

Amazon.com: mental baseball: Books



Here are some ideas. I liked Doorfmans books but they may be dated.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Has she always been emotional?

If not, I would try to chart her "blow ups"? See what is upsetting her. I doubt that it is softball.

She may not even know why she is getting so upset.

Maybe she is just struggling with maturing. Being a young lady, is a tricky thing. Sometimes, we just cry.

 

[Coach-n-Dad]

greatbasin, sluggers may a bit direct but in this case I beleive that he is correct. My DD is 13 and has gone through everything you describe, as a matter of fact she is going through the hitting issues right now. She and I talk about it; I support her by letting her vent then we do some tee work, go to the cages and feel good about playing softball.

Your DD should be fine as long as SHE loves the game and works hard to improve.

 

[SnocatzDad]

My two cents. Pitcher is a pressure cooker emotionally. Some kids can handle it better than others. If I had a kid that fielded grounders great, but had a weak arm, I might put them at 2B instead of SS, If I had a kid that could play multiple positions, but wasn't emotionally ready to pitch, I might put her somewhere else.

If your going to keep her pitching you need to work with her on redefining success to a manageable goal for her. I coached a fall 12UB travel (i'd call it Rec) team with 2 brand new pitchers. Our league had a 5 run rule max per inning, and I convinced both pitchers that for where they were at, anything less than 5 runs scoring was a success and that it was up to the offense to go out and get our 5 runs every inning. I also told them up front that they were in the game to learn and that I wasn't pulling a pitcher because of walks, runs etc, only if they lost it emotionally. For them knowing that they could have individual failures without being yanked or screamed at allowed them to relax and pitch to the best of their ablility. We lost most games, but we won a few 15-13 type games, but I never had to remove a girl for crying on the mound and both pitchers went to clinics over the winter and kept working at pitching which was my goal, not winning a few meaningless fall games.

Goal #1 - Get through a game without crying. Let her know that your main goal is to get her to be able to work through a game without losing emotional control. You need to be able to let her lose a game 15-0, but call it a success if she's still trying (not crying) all the way through to the bitter end.

Goal #2 - Be successful, Successful should mean performing at her ability level of slightly above. If she's walking 10 batters a game or around 2 an inning, then walking 5 a game or one per inning is a successful game.

Goal #3 - Be able to consistantly raise the bar for Goal #2 over time.

Winning or losing should be secondary to performance and effort. I know that sounds new age and wishy washy, it's not as long as your willing to hold them to it regardless of the result. You can't get down on them when they lose, but they performed well and with great effort, conversely you need to be ready to critque them (not celebrate) when they win but perform poorly and have poor effort. If your not consistant about this you lose crediblity immediately with the kids and they won't believe you when you try later to reward effort with praise because they will remember that real praise only comes with wins and wins aren't always in line with effort.

 

[obbay]

The person that has to have confidence and mental toughness is you, not her. You have to be there for her and you have to support and say, "It is OK, you'll get them next time. If you practice some more, you'll get it."

If she has the talent and the work ethic, she'll be good. If not, so what? The important thing is for her and you to enjoy the journey.

I think that's what I am thinking. Sometimes we forget that, at the end of the day, they are just kids and girls at that! They're not boys!. I've seen coaches put too much pressure on kids, only because they had so much confidence in the kid. Kid should feel good but instead is overwhelmed by the responsibility.

I don't know the solution to your situation, but I can tell you you're not alone. Sometimes it's just the pressure of a game when they don't believe in themselves. I had a recent experience with my DD having too much fear of failure. I told her and the rest of the team just to go out there and have fun. she got over it.

Hitting is tough. batters go through slumps for different reasons. Sometimes it's caused by thinking too much, sometimes expectation of failure, sometimes they just need more practice.