Advice Needed - college freshmen - when to worry?

[CMMom1740]

Study groups are a great way to get to know people. And I would really encourage her to get to know people other than her teammates. Ask to borrow someone's notes as an icebreaker and then suggest a study session at the library (it must be about time for the first big round of tests for the semester). Find some interest groups (biking, service-oriented, religious groups, or whatever she's into). She clearly can't rely on the roommate and the team is not cohesive, so she will need to make her own fun.

 

[Orange Socks]

I find myself in the odd position of wondering if I should tell my freshman it's OK to drink at parties. She's reported that she goes out with the team but she's the only one who doesn't drink. I know her well enough to know she's not just saying this for our benefit. Certainly don't want to encourage alcoholism or drunkenness or anything like that at all, but isn't the #1 purpose of college to learn how to drink socially when you enter the "real world" and not overdo it?

I always remind my DD that you are under 21 and it is still illegal to be in possession of alcohol. I can't be preachy as I pour my 5th bourbon of the evening!

 

[Lemond]

I think there is definitely a bit of a racial divide but also possibly between girls who were happy that the previous coach got let go and those that were not happy about it.

This might concern me more than anything else you have mentioned. I don't have a DD in college yet, but I would see that as a red flag in any group of people that are trying to become a team!

 

[black17]

Both my college freshman daughter and HS son started at new schools this year. In the first week, my son, who transferred schools in a different county, was beside himself saying he had no friends and was just different then everyone else. By week 3, he said he was glad he'd switched. The difference was simply time, and not waiting for things to happen TO you. Go out there and participate in something, even if it has nothing to do with softball.

On the softball front, remember fall ball in college is going to be different. This is the time all the girls are competing against complete strangers for playing time. By the end of fall ball, they hopefully will have bonded. I would expect the girls to be settled in with each other by the time the season starts. Hopefully, that's the case for your DD.

 

[krazykat]

To answer the OP original question, yes you are freaking out to soon. There are so many things going on during the freshmen year. Things change rapidly and a miserable DD can become a happy one very quickly. I hate to say it, but the majority of your work as a parent is done the moment you drive away after move in. Hopefully, you are confident in the values you taught your dd while she was at home under your constant care. Now, it is up to her to create her path toward contentment and success.

My dd had a rough freshman year. The team culture was for seniors to run the show in the fall and freshmen were treated like dirt. It gradually changed as the fall ended and the season approached. My dd saw the field in 4 games the entire year and decided to give it one more year. Midway through her sophmore year, she finally got a chance, performed and remained a starter for the next 2.5 years.

The college experience when combined with a sport is an absolute roller coaster of highs and lows. This experience is what will make your daughter stronger and more successful in the future. Be supportive and listen when she wants to talk. However, it is not your job to solve all of her problems anymore.

 

[sbmom444]

To answer the OP original question, yes you are freaking out to soon. There are so many things going on during the freshmen year. Things change rapidly and a miserable DD can become a happy one very quickly. I hate to say it, but the majority of your work as a parent is done the moment you drive away after move in. Hopefully, you are confident in the values you taught your dd while she was at home under your constant care. Now, it is up to her to create her path toward contentment and success.

My dd had a rough freshman year. The team culture was for seniors to run the show in the fall and freshmen were treated like dirt. It gradually changed as the fall ended and the season approached. My dd saw the field in 4 games the entire year and decided to give it one more year. Midway through her sophmore year, she finally got a chance, performed and remained a starter for the next 2.5 years.

The college experience when combined with a sport is an absolute roller coaster of highs and lows. This experience is what will make your daughter stronger and more successful in the future. Be supportive and listen when she wants to talk. However, it is not your job to solve all of her problems anymore.

Thank you for sharing! there is so much great advice in all these responses I really appreciate it! and I'm trying hard not to feel like I have to help her. it's taking time but getting better each day! I'm glad that the older players seem to like her and she is going to them for support too.

Sent from my SM-N981U using Tapatalk

 

[Shiloh]

I find myself in the odd position of wondering if I should tell my freshman it's OK to drink at parties. She's reported that she goes out with the team but she's the only one who doesn't drink. I know her well enough to know she's not just saying this for our benefit. Certainly don't want to encourage alcoholism or drunkenness or anything like that at all, but isn't the #1 purpose of college to learn how to drink socially when you enter the "real world" and not overdo it?

FWIW - I tell my kids if they are in a position where it's uncomfortable not to be drinking, nurse a Coors light. Put your finger over the opening on the can, and take a tiny sip every once in a while. Throw it out when it gets warm, get another and start the process over. Done right, they'll consume at most half a light beer in 2-3 hours.

 

[Orange Socks]

FWIW - I tell my kids if they are in a position where it's uncomfortable not to be drinking, nurse a Coors light. Put your finger over the opening on the can, and take a tiny sip every once in a while. Throw it out when it gets warm, get another and start the process over. Done right, they'll consume at most half a light beer in 2-3 hours.

That's hard when you are chuggin' a beer bong or a keg stand.

 

[_MIA_]

FWIW - I tell my kids if they are in a position where it's uncomfortable not to be drinking,

Nothing wrong with being different

 

[sluggers]

I guess I should have stated it like I wish her team did more together?

This isn't TB anymore. Playing D1 college sports is a job. She needs to treat it like a job--including socially.

When it wasn't "in season", my kids had no burning desire to see their teammates. Why?

Reason 1: Their teammates were all girls.
Reason 2: They had to do school work in the "off-season". Their hard classes were during the off-season.
Reason 3: They spent hours and hours with their teammates--hotels, buses, practices, games. There was only so much they could take of them...and their teammates could take of my DDs.
Reason 4: They had different interests than the girls on the softball team. (See, e.g., Reason 1.)

Your DD needs friends outside of the softball team. She will have to learn how to make friends.