Rose colored glasses?

[Lothar241]

If you see the time I wrote this, you can tell I am up late.

I thought my daughter was at a minimum a decent player. However, we have already been turned down by 2 teams. I am becoming concerned. We do the best we can to train her. She even goes to private lessons. Am I just not seeing that she is not that good? She has received compliments from coaches and parents.

I've been told by her private instructor that at her age (12), it doesn't matter the level of play just that she gets to play and not sit on the bench. She made an A level club last season (most girls aged up and there might not be a 12u team), but did not get to play as much as the other girls and spent a lot of time watching from the bench. I am about to reach out to a local All Star town team just so she can play. Is this the right attitude?

Any advise will be greatly appreciated.

 

[sluggers]

As to whether your DD is "good", it is difficult to tell. Coaches are not always honest. Parents do think their DDs are better than they really are (and, they should. If a Dad doesn't think his DD is the best kid in the world, then there is something wrong with the Dad.) There are so many factors, it is impossible to tell without seeing your DD play.

I've seen some players sit the bench on Team XXX even though they could start every game for Team XYZ. The reason the players stick with Team XXX is because they like the coach or the coach has a great speech about "teamwork and dedication". And, I've seen some players on team XYZ who should be reading Aristotle rather than playing softball.

Also, your DD at 12YOA is approaching a decision point. A lot of girls (and boys, for that matter) at 12YOA or 13YOA drop out of sports. They are growing up, and some kids find that the time and effort put into sports isn't worth the reward.

I am about to reach out to a local All Star town team just so she can play. Is this the right attitude?

Yes.

Ultimately, softball is meant to be played, not watched. So, your DD needs to find a team to *play* on.

 

[undergroundga]

My wife and I always thought we looked at dd's skill level objectively. She always gets complimented anywhere she goes on how well she listens and applies what she is told. We knew she was a lock to make a team. We've only got 3 teams at the 10u level so when the no calls came from the first 2 teams I was sweatin'. She made the third team, but at the first 2 tryouts she was in atleast the top 5 in every drill, yet no offer. It's even worse when you run into parents that tell you they'll see you at practice, then you tell them your dd didn't make team and they act like they can't believe it. Had that happen last night. Makes it worse when you find out they are still looking for players.
Sometimes there are little things going on behind the scenes that you don't know about. The first team we tried out for already had their team picked out and tryouts were just a formality, despite dd out performing girls already on the team.
It sucks, but what can you do? If she wants to play then you gotta let her play, even if it is an all-star team. There is always things she can learn, work hard, and tryout next year. I believe all-star teams can enter tb tournaments so they can always play the tougher compettition, so it is not the end. It can be a great experience and she will improve more from playing than riding the pine.

 

[chinamigarden]

Not saying it applies to anyone here, but its important to consider. If your child is good enough to make a team, but does not. The parent might need to take a look in the mirror and consider their own actions at tryouts, games and practices. Many teams are reluctant to bring on a kid who is not a star, but whose parents seem to be high maintenance.

 

[Sparky Guy]

Have to agree with chinamigarden here. Sometimes it not the kids who get cut. It's the parent(s). If you're perceived as a helicopter parent or possible problem there's a good chance the coach(es) don't want anything to do with your child. I know I've passed on players because of problem parents. The softball community is really quite small. So, often times reputations precede players or families. I know of a couple of kids whose bat bag collection has all the primary colors of the rainbow in it. They both have problem parents.

If your DD plays the same position as the coaches DD your DD will NEVER be good enough.

Just a couple of different things to think about.

 

[SoftSocDad]

Joining the pile-on, find DD a team to PLAY on. We had a ridiculous situation take place in our town league last fall, but although she was prepared to have to sit out a season, DD told me she wanted to play if at all possible. So, I contacted everyone I could find online and eventually located a spot for her on a team 45 minutes away that was an excellent fit for her.

Find her a team, because that's what daddies sometimes have to do.

 

[CoachKevin]

This subject is perfect. I coached a core group of girls since 1st year 10U through 2nd year 14U. I had a couple of girls that really needed additional conditioning (if you know what I mean). 2 years ago I set up a training plan for both of them, but both of them ignored it. Last year I did the same, 1 player did most of it and 1 player still ignored it. The parents of both of these players were always blowing smoke about their DD abilities. Well it's tryout time and since I gave up coaching at the 16U level the girls had to try out for new teams. Out of a roster of 10, four girls made the same team, 1 made another team, 1 playing V-Ball in HS and hasn't tried out, 2 Not going to play anymore, and the last 2 have attended several tryouts with 0 responses. Part of me feels bad for the kid, but on the other hand I have been telling them for years that they need to take responsibility for themselves. One of the parents even went so far to say I was discriminating against his DD because I gave her a workout plan and didn't give one to the rest of the team!!!!

 

[starsnuffer]

Parents have a lot to do with why kids do or do not get picked at that age. If the parents seem annoying it really hurts the kids chances.

When I run tryouts I look for four things. Here they are in order of priority:

Attitude
Effort
Atheletism
Ability

I coach 12 u and 14u. I expect these priorities to be different for different ages. An 18u coach won't care if the kid is the perfect natural athlete if the kid can't play her position. The 12u coach will take the athlete because we teach the game at this age and don't expect kids to perform what we have not taught them ourselves. The first three qualities are mandatory traits a kid needs in order to learn how to be a good player.

-W

 

[undergroundga]

Not saying it applies to anyone here, but its important to consider. If your child is good enough to make a team, but does not. The parent might need to take a look in the mirror and consider their own actions at tryouts, games and practices. Many teams are reluctant to bring on a kid who is not a star, but whose parents seem to be high maintenance.

This is my greatest fear, but it is what eats at the back of my mind. Since she was one of the better performers at the second tryout and they had to fill out a whole roster, and are still looking for players, I believe it is my fault.
There was a situation with her coach last season. The org. asked her to step down and be the asst. coach and let another guy hc. She refused and quit. It was an improvement for the team, but the wife and I bore the brunt of the blame. Even though all the parents were at the meeting, and I was not the new coach I was the main one she blamed. Which sucks because she runs a basketball league my dd plays in. Anyway, So I could be the reason, but they picked another girl whose dad made a lot of trouble on their previous team(I know cause it was the same org.)
We didn't do anycoaching from the side line, sat quiet except for a couple good jobs. She did have to go to bathroom during tryout, and came over to us to get some ice out of cooler(despite my disapproval). It was about 105degrees.
So who knows. It does bother me though. Either my dd isn't as good as we think(or everyone around us, who could just be blowing smoke up our butt)or I got my dd blackballed. Not sure which is worse.
How long will this follow us?

 

[EP Dad]

There are so many issues with being the parent of an athlete. I'm still finding new ones. Being "that parent" is one of the easiest things in the world to do. It's especially easy I've found when there is a lack of communication from the folks in charge of your kid. It's hard to sit back and bite your lip, but you have to. And I've found that speaking up even to the right people sometimes doesn't matter. Sometimes you just want someone to listen, but they won't even do that. I often think I've failed as a parent in this regard, and this stuff follows you wherever you go. Even worse it follows your kid. There's no instruction manual when you start out, and they don't offer sport parents classes before you get started.

Take my current situation. What would you do?

DD joined a club team for the first time. She's one of three pitchers on the team but she wasn't really selected for pitching. I've seen the other girls throw and my DD is in the range of ability. Both other pitchers are coaches daughters. Do I ask for pitching time? Does my kid? What should my expectations be? Should she get a shot? They know she's a pitcher, should I just keep my mouth shut and see what happens? What happens if they never even give her a shot in the circle?

I guess I'm just going to have to talk to the coach. But, what should the question be? I don't even know where to start without sounding like I'm asking to do her job. Or maybe I shouldn't be asking, maybe my DD should be asking. But, she's the kind of kid who does what the coaches tell her to do without ever questioning it. This isn't something she would ask.