DD temper issue

[JBG]

Need help...

Any suggestions for a daughter that is displaying temper tantrums after not hitting the ball? (throwing bat and or helmet in the dugout) This has not been a constant problem but has really reared it head over the last 3 weekends.

Coaches have noticed it. Pulled her out of the game once. Talked to her about it. We (wife and I) have talked to her about...(which has lead to some shouting and screaming on both her and my part, which is getting us both no where) I thought after the last incident she would be have worked at trying keeping it in ck.

Sunday, she pitched against a really good team. She got light up for the first time this year and didnt hit the ball and her temper reared its ugly head again. It is starting to effect her teammates and other parents noticing it. She is putting a lot of pressure on herself trying to succeed, she says she doesnt want to let her team down and she is feeling a lot of pressure from coaches to succeed. She has to realize that she controls her own actions and that it effects everyone. No excuses.

I just dont know where to go from here with it in trying to help her. I just don't want it to continue because she is going to get a bad rep. She generally has a pretty good attitude about softball and her teammates but her temper is getting the best of her. Any suggestions?

 

[Slick]

Tough one. I have heard where girls and guys get so wrapped up and competitive with themselves and the game to only display anger or frustration. Maybe to get back to the real reason we play competitive sports we need to go back to the beginning. See if a 8u or 10u team will let her help out during practice or let her work with the younger girls to hopefully learn to enjoy the game. Just my thoughts.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

How old is she? Sometimes, I start to give advice and then I find out that the girl is 7, or something.

 

[CoachKevin]

What age group is she in? I have almost the same type of player we picked up about half-way through the year. Last night she SAC bunted and was thrown out at 1st on a very close play. She came off the field mad as heck that she didn't beat out the throw. I told her this is a team sport and she did exactly what she was supposed to do. Then in another inning with a runner on 3rd, she hit the ball to 2B and was thrown out... but got an RBI, again she came off the field really mad that she didn't get a base hit. I too am at a loss how to control this.

 

[SoCalASABlue]

Need more info...

(1) What age group?
(2) Is she #1 pitcher?
(3) When she pitches, does the defense make a lot of errors?
(4) Sounds like you have summarily dismissed her comment about the coaches putting a lot of pressure on her. Are they?

Frustration is a normal reaction when you don't succeed at something you think you should. Throwing equipment at any time is unacceptable and should result in an immediate benching.

And it hard to admit but some people are just not cut out for team sports.

 

[CycloneSoftball22]

Dang. This sounds like my 13 year old DD. She actually gets so angry at herself that it causes her to tear up sometimes. She leads the team in RBI , but finds it totally unacceptable when she doesnt come through. I have tried every way I know to get through to her and let her know that even the best players dont succeed every time. But she wants to hear none of it. Her team mates try and keep her up , but she still needs a few moment to gather herself and the anger is still written all over her face. She doesnt really ever throw equipment or anything like that . It is really just more of an attitude thing. I am anxious to hear some of the advice that comes in this thread.

 

[starsnuffer]

If she's truly worried about letting her team down, then talk to her coaches and make sure she's benched for an entire game every time she has a tantrum. Explain that she's letting her team down by her attitude more then her success at the plate or in the circle.

It sounds like if your wife and her are getting into yelling matches over it, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Might be some bigger issues here then can be solved within the confines of softball.

-W

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

Did her tantrum look something like this

‪Brian Wilson Dugout Tantrum‬‏ - YouTube

 

[Mr T]

My Dad used to tell me if you are going to get mad do it right before your at bat, not after.

 

[Sparky Guy]

This all comes down to the HC. The HC must make it clear to every player on the team that temper tantrums and equipment throwing in the dugout is not allowed from the very start. And then follow though with enforcement after that.

The same goes for the tears thing too. I don't put up with the pouting and whole feeling sorry for themselves after making a mistake. There is nothing that kills a dugout quicker than a player pulling the "poor me" nonsense. Everyone wants to sit around and "mom" her into feeling better.

During our last tournament I took the HC's daughter to task after a backwards K. It was the 3rd out of the inning. She stomped her foot, shoulders slumped while dragging her bat as she's walking slowly off the field. Then she threw her bat and helmet in the dugout. I immediately let her know in front of the whole team and her dad that type behavior will not be tolerated. Especially when she did not do her job at the plate.

Dad said he was glad I got to her before he did. He said he wouldn't have been so nice.