Need HELP with 11U DD frustration

[picklerelish]

Thanks for all of the advice, and I'll take a video soon and post it (although she's been getting decent coaching at practice, and has had the private lessons as well).

Any advise on things TO say, or NOT to say tomorrow when we meet with the coach?

 

[softballphreak]

Thanks for all of the advice, and I'll take a video soon and post it (although she's been getting decent coaching at practice, and has had the private lessons as well).

Any advise on things TO say, or NOT to say tomorrow when we meet with the coach?

Be straight up with the coach. Pretty much the same thing you said in your post. Might even email a copy of the post before the meeting. Very important is to get the coach's input on what your DD needs to work on. What are her weaknesses? What are her strengths? No sugar coating. Prepare your DD for whatever critique she gets!

 

[Hit by the Pitch]

If you talk to the HC, talk about your DD’s goals, plans, training, whatever. Do not mention or compare her other players. Keep it about your DD and the Team.

 

[Little Angels Softball]

Just be honest and don't be defensive or accusatory or forget that DD is part of a team.

I have dismissed parents/players from my team right in the middle of these conversations because it was obvious there was no care for the team or the teammates. Don't let that come through, even if you feel that way.

Also, remember that this coach saw something in your DD to make him select her over the girls who went on the "lesser" team, so there had to be something there to begin with. You need to remind your DD of this, as well. Find out what it was he liked and build on it. Use the positive to her advantage. Girls like nothing more than to be told that they do something well, and having that one thing (or multiple things) to fall back on and revisit and use to show the coach what he liked about her in the first place can go a long way toward healing DD and restoring her relationship with her coach and team.

Making girls better is more than just doing drills. It is about making sure each one has good self-esteem, a love for teammates and propping one another up, and knowing that her teammates have her back and have confidence in her. Remind the coach of this and ask him to be your partner in re-building your DD's love for the game and I don't see how he couldn't happily agree.

 

[justanotherguy]

I'd just like to reiterate the "practice practice practice" part. If your DD is playing on a travel team then there has to be some level of natural ability that the coach saw. If you're not already, it will take a level of sacrifice you haven't given in the past. I can't remember the last time I bought myself something. I built a batting cage and got a pitching machine and we use it almost non-stop. We go to the fields often and practice several different positions. We practice, at least, 5x a week. If my DD doesn't feel like it, then we don't. She has to have the passion to get better, and if she does, SHE WILL! Constantly remind her of her goals. If she has the goals and the drive then she'll keep working hard and seeing herself improve. There will always be hard times, but if she keeps her eyes on her goals the hard times will pass.

Good luck pickle. This will be one of those defining moments that she'll either give up, or become stronger and better. Hopefully she'll choose the later.

 

[JNew0872]

When my DD (11 yo at the time) did not get playing time she thought she deserved during a tournament, she began crying on the way home. She went on about how she was better than some of the other girls, etc. After she vented, I told her, at the next practice we would get there early and she could let her coach know that she was not happy that she did not get to play more and then ask him what it is he would like to see her work on in and improve to increase her playing time. It was the best thing for her and the coach had a lot of respect for her for speaking up and for us for not coming to him.

So my opinion is have your daughter talk to the coach. My daughter was very nervous at first but walked away from the coach proud. Great confidence builder and great life lesson.

PS...she rehearsed what she was going to say to him the day before and the entire car ride to practice. Right before she went to speak to him, she ran up to me and asked me what it was again she was going to say...lol. I just told her, relax. You'll remember as soon as you start talking.

 

[Scl1991]

At the end of the day, it's got to be fun for her. Not playing is no fun. She won't get better by not playing. On the other hand, she can't always be the best person on the team either. She won't get any better. If I were you I would try to find a team where she will get some playing time but also be a little challenged. There are tons of travel ball teams out there. She's far too young to decide if she is talented enough or not to continue. If she likes the game, she needs to play and get as good as she can get. As for playing time on a team, there are too many factors that go into it. And a lot of us who've been around a long time know that talent or ability is not always one of those factors.
My DD Was on several teams at a young age where she did not get the playing time that we as parents felt she deserved (LOL). She wasn't always happy, but probably a lot more happy than we were as parents. She definitely was not always at the top of the talent pool for some of those teams, and on others, she was. We eventually found teams where she played a lot more. She improved, and will be playing D1 ball next year. If we had Taken her 12u or even14u travel ball coach's opinion of her, per playing time, and just backed off of softball, we would've never come this far.

 

[NVfishing]

My girls have played rec and TB. If you want your DD to get playing time put her in rec. if you want her to learn keep her in TB. Rec is usually coached by parents with very little knowledge of the game. It's about being fair with playing time not results. The coaches do their best but there's usually a handful of players that have never played before so there is a lot of time working with players that don't know basic skills.

Best bet is to work her yourself and find a good private coach that can help her to. Have private coach set out certain workout routines that you help your DD follow. Use the private coaches direction as your correcting method not your method. That way it's not a you against her. It's you helping her.