How to tell your coach...

[southernbelle]

Hey Yall...

Idk if this is in the right place but ill attempt to ask the question anyway. heres some background:

Im a senior at my high school. ive played ball since i was 6. Ive played varsity since sophomore year (didnt play at all freshman year b/c of knee problems). I have been waitin for my senior year, to finally be accepted as a leader on the field and to have an awesome season! Near the end of the season last year, i had a crucial knee surgery that i had been puttin off b/c i wanted to finish the season for my team. everything went well, and then i had another surgery for my ankle to make sure that i would be 100% for my senior year. Its been tough gettin back, but i am. Heres the problem!

We just got a new coach. She doesnt know me b/c i didnt play summer ball with my school team, therefore she doesnt know my full potential. she does know about my surgeries, but she doesnt think im ready to play. i have told her over and over that i am fully cleared, im fine and that i know my own limits, yet she continues to "doubt my mobility." she continually makes me sit out at practice, no matter what i say. Not only this, but i also have a job. i have taken off everyday of the week, so i can practice everyday with the team. I had to miss a saturday practice last week because i was working. She approaches me on monday on the way to the game and tells me im not starting because i missed practice for work. she told me taht work is an unexcusable absence and that she needs to use me as an example for the consequences for missing practice. I sat out my first game of my senior year. i was devastated. I have never sat out an entire gmae in my whole life. its not the fact that i didnt play, its WHY i didnt play. I tried explaining to her that i have to work to support myself, yet she continued sayin it was unexcusable. and that from now on, if i missed a weekend practice because of work, i would not start and possibly not play the next game.

 

[southernbelle]

not only that, but she took me out of the game today at the fifth (of ten) inning. she told me that she wanted to get more girls in the game, BUT she put our third baseman (who is a sophomore and pitched the entire game monday and had been playin the entire game today) at my position. i guess my question is, How do i tell her (as hard as this may be) that i cant continue to be on the team anymore is i am gonna sit half the game every game??? i already got an offer to play goalie for my lacrosse team and i want to do that. Its just hard giving up something ive played and loved so long over a new and misunderstanding coach. i just dont want to spend my senior year, sittin on the bench, when i know taht i deserve to be out there more than anyone else. ive been all league and the newspapers are already callin her asking how im doin. i am just so confused at this point.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I know it is difficult to understand being benched because of your job, but if she is following the same rules for everyone, I think that she is being fair.

I have yet to see a coach sit a player that can knock the cover off the ball. If you want to regain your spot, I would suggest that you concentrate on hitting. How many swings are you currently taking a day?

It seems like you and the coach are talking a lot, so I don't think you are going to have a problem telling her that if she doesn't have a spot for you, you want to leave the team.

If you want to give softball 100%, be the first one at practice and the last to leave,put a smile on your face, hustle and pick up the equipment. Good luck.

 

[southernbelle]

Hi amy,

thanks for your advice.

she is following the same rules for everyone, tho only two of us have jobs. i understand where she cant bend the rules. but then again, its not like i want to work, i HAVE to work, or i will not be able to support myself.

As for hitting, for the past years, ive always been the number 4 batter and my skills have never been questioned. Ill admit, i have slumps just like everyuone else, and i dont mind not hittin when i do if thats better for the team. this year, im battin 6th, which i dont mind at all, because i want to play no matter what. as for # of swings per day = we practice every day...so i would guess around 400 swings (or more when i stay after to work on a specific skill). equipment wise, i always pick up equipment.

thanks again!!!!

 

[Amy in AZ.]

I do understand when a young person needs to work. It is terrible that you can't play ball and work, but what if 6 people had to work? The coach can't teach you her plays and you can't be part of those plays, when you aren't there.

I suppose that with all of the sports offered by your school, there are other young people in your same position.

Is it possible to get a job that is nights and Sundays, like at a nursing home or McDonald's? Personally, I would rather work 12 hours on Sunday, than miss my softball season.

 

[mudbug]

You have to do what you think is best for you. If you dont want to play if you have to sit bench, then talk to the coach and tell her. You dont need any special way, you are a practically grown young lady.

However, what it also sounds like to me is you really just want to quit because shes not playing you as much as you think you should. Welcome to the club, much of the team probably think the same thing, and for sure most of the parents.

I fully agree, no practice = no play. Yes, some teams will bench the top players if need be, even in championship games, its called discipline and rules. Give an inch, bend the rules, and you will lose respect from the rest of the team.

The fact that you need to work for whatever reason, doesnt even enter into it, and shouldnt. That is unfortunately, your responsibility to handle. If you cant do both, then you cant do both. If you want to, then you need to figure out how to and make changes to accomplish it. Thats just life, it only gets worse as you get older and take on more responsibility. However, you should be glad that you at least know what the rules are so you can figure out a solution. Thats not always the case.

I agree with the suggestion that if you can, you might find a different job for softball season that doesnt conflict. Easier said than done I know. Good Luck.

 

[druer]

One of the things I always tell my players is that they can only control 1 thing in this world, but that 1 thing is also the most important 6" in the world and especially in softball ... their brain. You alone get to determine your ATTITUDE and your EFFORT. If you really LOVE softball, then you can't let this coach get you down or beat you mentally. Say "Coach I understand you have rules and I respect that. I realize I will have to sit out next game. Can you teach me how to record pitches thrown by the other pitchers so that I can at least help my team by trying to find patterns? Since I'll be here watching my friends bat, can you give me some advice on how to help them with their swing because they'll probably take some advice during the games from me? Etc. Use this adversity to your advantage.

Let's take a journey 5 years into the future: What is that you recall from your senior season 5 years ago? Do you remember any of your at bats? Any of the balls that came to you? Or will it be your memory of your teammates and the great times you had in practice and at games. The embaressing moment when your best friend spun around and sat on her butt after a changeup? Will you look back 5 years from now and remember how you allowed a coach sitting your cause you to quit and miss out on all of that after enduring all of those surgeries and going through all of that rehab? Or will you look back 5 years from now and thank that coach for helping you build a "never quit" attitude. Will you look back after quitting 10 other things and regret this being the first thing that you ever quit because you had to sit on a bench? Or will you look back after having many other amazing accomplishments and realize that this was when you really understood just how MENTALLY STRONG you were?

Imagine how proud of yourself you will be for proving to yourself and the world that you are not a quitter. Imagine how proud of yourself you will be when you realize what an amazing influence you can be to these younger players by demonstrating what "TRUE LOVE FOR FASTPITCH" really looks like. I tell you one thing that I'm really good at, looking into the future. I can see the coaches speech at the end of the year as she describes you as the most tenacious player she's ever coached. She'll say "I know she had to work, but I also had to enforce the rules. I really thought that she'd quit, but she never did. She practiced harder than any other girl on the team even though she had so many other responsibilities to take care of and she knew I would have to have her sit out games. She never once showed bitterness in the dugout instead she embraced her situation and actually helped the team by doing that. She set the tone for the entire team ... there were so many games when I know you girls wanted to give up because the other team had momentum, but there she was in the dugout encouraging you and like her you never quit on me."

But of course you can always take the easy way out and blame someone else. Something tells me that you didn't share so much of what is going on if you were just going to quit and give in.

 

[southernbelle]

thanks yall for all the advice.

and i DID tell the whole story. i just cant seem to understand why she would bench me over work. i work to support myself. thats hard enough being 18 and supporting yourself. there are people that CHOOSE work over practice, but i HAVE to work over practice. and its just ONE practice a week. plus no other sports team practice on the weekends. i have had this job over a year and its never been an issue b/c we used to just practice on sunday nights. but i can see her point as well. i am always cheering for my team, and when im not playin, im in the dugout with a notebook writin stuff about the other team, figuring out their signs and relayin this to my team.

i guess five years in the future i will remember just the fun times. Its just hard to sit the bench MY SENIOR YEAR when im supposed to be having fun and playin the sport i love and have dedicated my life too. my coach tells me im one of the best players, if not hte best...taht im her "go to girl," yet no matter how much i work, or how much effort i do put into the team, its not good enough. ive never given less than my best, always at 110%. always at practice, even thru my surgery.

plus, i figure since im not playin in college ( decided to go active duty in the army) why not play a sport ive never played and have always wanted to. since things arent goin well in softball, plus the girls are feelin real disconnected from each other. (high school drama and the whole talkin behind ppls backs thing) heres a good time to end my 13 years of playin softball.

ill let yall know how it goes. we have a tourney this weekend, and i have a private goaltending lesson for lacrosse during spring break, and then ill make my decision.

thanks again yall.

 

[mudbug]

She benches you over a rule, not over your work. I sympathize with your situation.

That is done because if she made an exception for you, she would have to make one for everyone, or else continuously justify the differences between your reason and every other reason that other players might come up with, and it turns into a giant hassle with everyone getting mad, etc. Blanket enforcement keeps things simple. It also shows respect for the commitment of those that do attend practice even when they have reasons not to.

I know football teams that expect sick kids to be at practice, just watching so that they can keep learning and involved. Fever, communicable viruses, etc are not reason to miss practice. The sick kids stand to side by themselves and watch. If they dont, they will lose starting positions and/or not play for weeks. Just because they are ill doesnt give them a reason to hold back the whole team. They can be ill at practice for 2.5 hrs as easily as ill at home. Dope the kids up with ibuprofen to knock fever down enough for them to stand watching practice for a couple hrs.

What you must understand is that it is possible that by missing practices, you can hold your whole team back, especially if you are a starter. (Maybe thats true in reality, and maybe thats not in this case, but its possible.) Things are taught and learned at practice, and the team improves from the beginning of the year to the end of the season. But not having players there can slow and prevent continual improvement.

 

[Stang]

Well?................inquiring minds want to know.