How important is the courtship ritual to you?

[Momo'sDad]

I know that people want to feel wanted. But how important is it for the typical sports parent to feel that their child athlete is wanted?

Players feeling aside (because most are going to go where their parents want them to go), some parents only want to be told, while others insist on being sold - and wooed. I don't want to speak out of turn, especially as recruiting for spring has begun in earnest here, but it seems that a lot of parents of pretty talented players don't want to merely be told "here are the basics about our program, here are some of the intangibles that we feel set us apart, and here are the specific positions we are looking to fill".

I don't think it's beyond the pale for a parent to ask whether the coach would expect their DD could step in and start right away. Asking for promises or at least an idea of of playing time is nothing new, but it's almost like some dads want to see a team built or re-built around their star center fielder and I just wanted to find out whether that's really where we are at now.

I did shake a lot of hands and kiss a lot of babies over the weekend, though.

 

[bucket pinata]

This year in our state the top two 12u programs were blown up because of the local D1 program creating a 14u team to travel around and skirt the recruiting guidelines. There was a very well known organization that the top two pitchers in the state from one of the teams who turned down the D1s offer went to try out and see if it would be a good fit. The coach never talked to them during the tryouts, or made any effort in making it seem like these two would be welcomed. He sold the organization as being the greatest and the pitchers were lucky two even be considered. Now these two were scouted by this team all year long but never contacted. When the spots were offered they were told that the team already had 4 pitchers and they could try to earn some circle time. we new who the other pitchers were and they are not even close to the ability of these two. you should have seen the look on the coaches face when these two pitchers turned him down and when it got out so did four other players to combine what was left of the two teams to form one great 14u team that will most likely thump the rock star org all season long. They felt Wanted and appreciated and felt more at home with the new team that formed with players that were all familiar with each other. I know the coaches on hear will skewer me for saying on this but at tryouts the best of the best are trying out the coaches/teams , not the other way around. Most of them have been hounded on the phone months before tryout season by teams that would like them to play. It does not mean that they are not team players or great teammates once signed on or are drama parents. But I do believe when you have players that can join any team with just a phone call you have to sell your program. So I guess to answer your question honestly. Yes we are there. Not saying you need to do anything special or offer any perks or promises but they just want to feel welcomed.

 

[Momo'sDad]

Thanks, BP. I can totally understand that. In a perfect world, perhaps we'd all be able to find teams at 10s that our DD's could remain with until graduation, but people, programs, and landscapes change, and it's necessary to be able to evolve with the times in order to remain competitive in pursuit of whatever your goals might be.

The one great thing our HC has done so far over the several seasons we've been together is to only bring in good kids and good families. At a time when many teams are breaking apart from the infighting, our families are all solid with one another for the most part, and the team has shown a lot of improvement these last few tournaments. Not having to deal with the drama I observe in many other bleacher sections is priceless.

 

[Coachw01]

To be honest, I don't care about the courtship. I believe I know where my daughter is in terms of her development and the only thing that I want to see is a coach(ES) who is coaching the team to learn, grow, and be successful. I don't want/need my or my DD's butt kissed or to feel like we're important. DD is there to play softball and get better working at something she loves. What I really do not want to see is a coach that tries to appease everyone at the expense of the girls/parents feelings. I'm more of a 'if you want a spot, earn it' type of person. I'm not crazy about the 'let everyone play the infield' and the 'let's flip the batting order' philosophy of play.

I get confused as to why everyone feels they are entitled to the same things as someone else even though they are not as good or work as hard. The problem is, too many coaches and parents are enabling these kids by not being honest with them and holding them accountable to their abilities (or lack thereof).

I guess for me, the reason I put very little value into the courtship business is because I'm not going to play that way. Don't get me wrong, the parents on our team for the most part are great people and we all get along very well, it's truly a pleasure every time we are at a tournament/practice/event. But I see parents do it all the time where they; butt kiss the coach, giving their thoughts, airing their concerns.... (More times than not, their comments always revolve around DD with no real team interest). There's nothing wrong with this but it all seems to be a dance on eggshells of egos and pride. I have never questioned the coach or aired out a concern/disagreement. my philosophy is that if I do not believe my daughter is in the best situation for her to grow as a player than we can take our money and go to a team where their goals are more in line with DDs.

Do I believe in being polite, kind, cordial, and working in the best interest if the team, absolutely and wouldn't have it any other way. But if courtship means coaches making us 'feel wanted or needed' I can tell you that neither myself or my DD care about that. We just want to work hard, play hard, and get better.

 

[bucket pinata]

Thanks, BP. I can totally understand that. In a perfect world, perhaps we'd all be able to find teams at 10s that our DD's could remain with until graduation, but people, programs, and landscapes change, and it's necessary to be able to evolve with the times in order to remain competitive in pursuit of whatever your goals might be.

The one great thing our HC has done so far over the several seasons we've been together is to only bring in good kids and good families. At a time when many teams are breaking apart from the infighting, our families are all solid with one another for the most part, and the team has shown a lot of improvement these last few tournaments. Not having to deal with the drama I observe in many other bleacher sections is priceless.

Well what you are describing is exactly what the top players are looking for,Good for you and your DD finding a team that you can be so proud of. Kinda like winning the softball lottery. I had very good/experienced coach once tell me that if you are not turning over at least 4 players a year you are not competing,at the time my younger DD was still on the Team that stayed together from early 10s thru twelve's.Also was a very close Team felt very much like family.Then I came across a picture of the teams first 10 tournament and was shocked to see that only 3 players remained from the original Team,Even though It felt like the same team has stayed together all those Years.Like you stated it really does come down to the ability of the coach to foster the family /sacrifice Type attitude.That is the intangible at least in my experience the exceptional players look for.The whole can they make my daughter a better player does not apply to the top tear of players because they never have relied solely on the team and their coaches to make them great,They work on there own for 80% of the time and that what makes them standouts with any team they choose to play on.hears to you and your DD having a great/fun year.

 

[sbmom19]

Do I believe in being polite, kind, cordial, and working in the best interest if the team, absolutely and wouldn't have it any other way. But if courtship means coaches making us 'feel wanted or needed' I can tell you that neither myself or my DD care about that. We just want to work hard, play hard, and get better.

I agree. I just want a team for my DD that is going to work hard, play harder and one that does not coddle players. I want her to be praised if she does something right but more importantly reprimanded if she does something wrong. I guess that I am not a fan of the whole "don't want to break their spirit" method of coaching at the 16U/18U TB level. She wants to play at the college level and wants to be treated as such - I don't think that any college coach is going to pat her on the head and tell her "that's okay, good try" when she screws up. Nobody needs to court me or her - just coach my kid and the rest of the kids to be competitive and successful!

 

[Momo'sDad]

To be honest, I don't care about the courtship. I believe I know where my daughter is in terms of her development and the only thing that I want to see is a coach(ES) who is coaching the team to learn, grow, and be successful. I don't want/need my or my DD's butt kissed or to feel like we're important. DD is there to play softball and get better working at something she loves. What I really do not want to see is a coach that tries to appease everyone at the expense of the girls/parents feelings. I'm more of a 'if you want a spot, earn it' type of person. I'm not crazy about the 'let everyone play the infield' and the 'let's flip the batting order' philosophy of play.

I get confused as to why everyone feels they are entitled to the same things as someone else even though they are not as good or work as hard. The problem is, too many coaches and parents are enabling these kids by not being honest with them and holding them accountable to their abilities (or lack thereof).

I guess for me, the reason I put very little value into the courtship business is because I'm not going to play that way. Don't get me wrong, the parents on our team for the most part are great people and we all get along very well, it's truly a pleasure every time we are at a tournament/practice/event. But I see parents do it all the time where they; butt kiss the coach, giving their thoughts, airing their concerns.... (More times than not, their comments always revolve around DD with no real team interest). There's nothing wrong with this but it all seems to be a dance on eggshells of egos and pride. I have never questioned the coach or aired out a concern/disagreement. my philosophy is that if I do not believe my daughter is in the best situation for her to grow as a player than we can take our money and go to a team where their goals are more in line with DDs.

Do I believe in being polite, kind, cordial, and working in the best interest if the team, absolutely and wouldn't have it any other way. But if courtship means coaches making us 'feel wanted or needed' I can tell you that neither myself or my DD care about that. We just want to work hard, play hard, and get better.

I love your perspective, but man, it seems so rare these days! Oftentimes I'll see people doing too much under the guise of "I'm only doing what I think is best for my DD (at this very moment.....forget about tomorrow)".

I'm onboard with what you're saying about the general management of a competitive team once you've got all your players. What I'm asking about, however, is what goes on during recruiting. I used to be of the "if you build it, they will come" mindset. But with the exception of a few long-established organizations or coaches, that doesn't actually seem to be the case in an area like ours where everyone and his brother starts a team. What I've observed more often than not over the past several seasons is that the better teams - including those with the supposedly big "names" - have had to go out and find the players they wanted and recruit them to come join in the 12u and 14u age groups.

I also used to be opposed to recruiting in-season when you've already got a full roster, but that's the nature of the beast these days. You either choose to play that game or risk finding yourself consistently 3-4 players away from being in that top tier of teams you're competing against.