What coaching style is best or your daughter?

[CoogansBluff]

My daughter is responding very well to the style of coaching of her new team. She is more confident, happier. Enjoys practices more. Haven't played games yet.

Quick questions -

- What coaching style brings out the best in your daughter? What's the best way to coach her, iyo?
- Should coaches treat their players all the same, or coach them differently based on their differing personalities?

Back to my daughter -- My advice to a coach is do not show disappointment or frustration with her. Although this is an issue she needs to work through, you are still better to accept it rather than fight it. She's always going to give proper effort, so that's never an issue. But if you teach her something Wednesday, she might mess it up during the game. That's when she's looking for your reaction. If she picks up that she's somehow let you down or disappointed you, that seems to prick an insecurity in her, and she doesn't respond well to it. But if you believe in her, she will find a way to live up to your expectations. If you think she's a good hitter, she senses it and she will hit. If you think she's one of your best players, she probably will become one of your best players.

This might sound like most kids, and maybe it is. But since I get to see mine up close and in private, it seems to me that my daughter is like this to an extreme. It appears to me that she responds much worse to coaches who show disappointment, and much better to coaches who believe in her, than 90 percent of kids. I'm not saying this is good or bad. I wish she had thicker skin. But I also accept her for where she is right now.

What would you say about your daughter?

 

[quincy]

You need to treat players different.

I would say DD has a pretty thick skinned, probably from me teasing her more then I should.

During games though, goes all the way back to 8U, you are better of minimizing coaching her during games. Her attitude and effort doesn’t change but her head gets in the way and she will not perform at the level she is able to.

 

[Atlantabell]

As a coach, I try not to coach everyone the same way. Rules are consistent, procedures are consistent, but coaching approaches have to be different. It's just like teaching. Students don't all learn the same way, athletes don't either.

Having said that, I think that athletes need to understand that when they get to high school and college, coaches may not necessarily coach according to the personalities of their athletes. Some do ( I would say the great ones do), but most don't have to because they have a large enough roster that if one kid doesn't respond, someone else will.

So, athletes need to understand as they get older, that they also need to learn how to deal with different coaching styles. This means developing their mental game as well. It's something that comes with time but we can't ignore it if we want our athletes to develop both as players and as people.

 

[sluggers]

To add to Atlantabell...there is the HC and several ACs in college. The ACs vary in quality and experience. Each AC has a different coaching style. If an AC thinks a player is a 'baby', whether rightly or wrongly, it will affect the players PT.

If your DD folds under harsh criticism, she isn't going to play in college. Coaches in college get paid to win. So, when they believe a player isn't performing up to her potential, they aren't going to do any hand holding. If a player can't take the criticism, the player is benched. They just don't tolerate it

The reason isn't that the coach is a bad person. If a player is going to fall to pieces when she is criticized, the coaches will work with her less--so, the player doesn't progress and falls behind everyone else. The end result: The player isn't as good as the others on the team.

As far as my DDs go...as far as criticism, they were "Thank you, sir. May I have another?" They weren't going to quit because some coach was screaming at them. They were there to play the game...and anything that stood between them and playing was an obstacle to be eliminated.

 

[CycloneSoftball22]

My daughter is responding very well to the style of coaching of her new team. She is more confident, happier. Enjoys practices more. Haven't played games yet.

Quick questions -

- What coaching style brings out the best in your daughter? What's the best way to coach her, iyo?
- Should coaches treat their players all the same, or coach them differently based on their differing personalities?

Back to my daughter -- My advice to a coach is do not show disappointment or frustration with her. Although this is an issue she needs to work through, you are still better to accept it rather than fight it. She's always going to give proper effort, so that's never an issue. But if you teach her something Wednesday, she might mess it up during the game. That's when she's looking for your reaction. If she picks up that she's somehow let you down or disappointed you, that seems to prick an insecurity in her, and she doesn't respond well to it. But if you believe in her, she will find a way to live up to your expectations. If you think she's a good hitter, she senses it and she will hit. If you think she's one of your best players, she probably will become one of your best players.

This might sound like most kids, and maybe it is. But since I get to see mine up close and in private, it seems to me that my daughter is like this to an extreme. It appears to me that she responds much worse to coaches who show disappointment, and much better to coaches who believe in her, than 90 percent of kids. I'm not saying this is good or bad. I wish she had thicker skin. But I also accept her for where she is right now.

What would you say about your daughter?

Coaches shouldn't have to coddle these girls so much. Players should be able to deal with some failure without falling apart. It is just a part of becoming a competitor.

 

[CoogansBluff]

If a player is going to fall to pieces when she is criticized, the coaches will work with her less--so, the player doesn't progress and falls behind everyone else. The end result: The player isn't as good as the others on the team.

Coaches shouldn't have to coddle these girls so much. Players should be able to deal with some failure without falling apart. It is just a part of becoming a competitor.

I agree with both of you.

However, just to be precise, my daughter doesn't have a problem with failure or criticism per se. She has a problem w/ the coach expressing disappointment and frustration at her. If the coach criticizes without showing frustration or disappointment, she hears it and adjusts well. She also deals well with failure - if it is not compounded by the coach showing frustration and disappointment.

That said, your points are well-taken. I agree that a player (and my daughter) must be able to adapt to different coaching styles. And this is why softball is a good sport. It teaches her this kind of stuff.

 

[roscoe545]

I have been involved for 3 years in the fastpitch community, mostly just as DD's catcher, and a silent fan
of the game. I have witnessed and taken note of all of DD's teammates on this very subject.
Starting as a young 12U and just ending her first year of 14U ball, Coogan, I believe your DD is in the majority.

Even though I don't think I have run across 2 girls with the exact same personality, or what works in making
them perform to their highest potential, I believe the old saying of girls have to feel good to play good is true
for about 80%.

Our DD on the other hand, is definately a breed of her own. She has had 3 totally different coaches in the last
3 years and definately responded, performed better, and learned the most from the "tough love" coach.
She played for him her first year of 12U and still loves the guy to death. She actually filled in a few times on
his team this year and had her best day of batting all year for him.

I don't have an answer on whether they all should be treated the same. But the coach that was best for DD,
even though most of the players and parents didn't like him or his coaching style, was probably the most
improved team from start to finish of the season in her 3 years.

I am a big fan of being tough on them in practice, and take more of a fun approach to the games. But I
will most likely never be a coach. I'm waaay too laid back and don't have the outgoing personality that
is needed for coaching. I like to just sit back and take it all in with a smile on my face.

 

[nanotech14]

screaming and yelling that always works, oh wait a minute thats was when I was married

 

[JerseyBall]

There's the saying "boys need to play well to feel good, girls need to feel good to play well". It sounds like your daughter is responding really well to this style of coaching.
My daughter has had screaming, stern, judgmental coaches most of her athletic career so far, in whatever sport she played. It rarely bothers her, but she does tend to play better when she starts a game off well and gets some praise.

 

[rdbass]

I stopped coaching my DD years ago. I was to hard on her and expected more out of her. I was a suck it up and get out there kind of coach.Only to my DD, I didn't want anyone to think I was easy on my DD. I soon realized I was wrong.I was wrong to expect so much more from my DD than I expected from the other players. So now that I don't coach anymore my DD has had a lot of different style coaches. She's had quiet,loud,good,bad and ulgy coaches. So she is ready for any type of coach. I perfer a coach who coaches during practices and games also. I feel everything should be a teaching moment. My DD had a basketball coach this year all he did was yell her name the whole game.It was LAURA,Laura etc...Wife couldn't take she started yelling at the coach during the game. I just sit there,to me it part of playing sports.She has to learn to deal with it. Sorry to say DD needs to learn to deal with all types of coaches or she will never progress to high school sports or possible college. Your DD's are and have experienced all type of coaches.