Being a Parent of a Pitcher

[quincy]

12U, we had a girl pitch for her 1st time this weekend. 1st inning she gave up the run limit but you could see her getting better towards the end of the inning. Like the Manager a lot, he put her back out there the 2nd game for 2 innings. She did much better these innings, you could she her starting to figure it out.

She had a good time, her dad not so much. He was pacing back and forth yelling one piece of advice or another to her. Every few batters he said .. “I do not want my DD pitching, she should be playing SS”.

I feel good about the player pitching, the dad needs some work.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

“I do not want my DD pitching, she should be playing SS”

And right there is a big part of the problem. If you, as a parent, can't say positive things - just shut up. Even to your buddies, smile, nod and say she is doing just great. Don't make it about yourself.

I don't know if it was because I played myself for sooooo long, but I never experienced nervousness when one of my kids pitched. I enjoyed it. My husband never took softball seriously, so he actually was good support to the kids. If something made me nervous to watch, I don't think that I would go. I watched a 7th grader the other night, that wasn't doing very well in the circle. She was throwing high and every pitch, she looked at her dad. I am betting that she would have done much better, if the dad wasn't there.

 

[howellhandmade]

It's tough, isn't it? Nobody goes out there thinking "Today I'm going to be a complete jackass and make my daughter miserable." Every dad thinks that he is doing his best. Thanks for the reminder not to take softball too seriously. Especially when it all seems very serious -- batting practice, hitting clinics, fielding principles, conditioning workouts, pitching lessons, team dues. Pretty easy to look at an inning of pitching as the point of the spear for all this time and money and effort and organization, rather than just a game.

 

[SoftSocDad]

It's so funny when you guys say "don't take softball so seriously" or "it's about your DD, not you". I see these admonitions tossed around all the time here. The fact of the matter is that there is a percentage of parents who don't like seeing their child struggle in anything. Softball has nothing to do with it. All the Dr. Phil 'about you' stuff doesn't matter either in many cases. Lots of parents take pride in seeing their kids enjoy success in whatever they do. So what? By the same token, many parents feel pain when they see their child having trouble. For some people, those struggles will make them tougher, and I'm talking about both players and parents. Others, though, might break down.

Parent-child relationships are going to have highs and lows, no matter what. Again, softball has nothing to do with that. Young children are always going to seek to please their parents. I want my DD to do her own thing out there. When she's playing, it's her world. When she wants me to catch for her, it's her world unless she wants to talk. That's what works for US. Softball is a team sport. She isn't going to enjoy it or become successful at it on her own. Like many of you, DD is also a pitcher. She is in charge of her own drills, but asks me to keep an eye on her to make sure she's following her PC's instruction. I do my best while trying not to say too much. Some days, she wants to talk. Some days, she wants to be quiet and get through the practice quickly.

In games, she does her thing. If she makes a great play, I'll occasionally see her look for me, but ever since she started playing, I told her to always focus on the field. So now instead of looking for dad all the time, it's only a couple times a game now. Some girls look for their parents on every play, though. It's just the relationship they have. There's one really bad pitcher dad in our town, IMO. Nice guy, but crazy pitcher dad. It's impossible for any of us on the outside to know whether his pacing and utterances help or hinder his DD's performance when she's pitching.

Our story is just one of millions. No one else's experience is going to be like ours.

 

[DOG310]

I also love the admonitions to not take it so seriously and I do work at that. Recently, both DD and I have had a few breakthrough moments of sanity where we both enjoyed her pitching and were able to shrug off a bad inning without mortal danger to those around us.

Sometimes, I feel like a drug addict must feel because I'm not sure I will be able to repeat my good performance next time, but am determined to keep trying for the sake of my daughter.

 

[undergroundga]

Why am I not supposed to take this game seriously but have to tell my dd to be more serious at lessons and practice?

 

[RookKev]

I think that is advice coming from people who have both raised daughters that have gone on to play in college, as well as from players that have played in college UGA. So, without being offended (as my first instinct was), perhaps stop and think about it (hopefully that doesn't sound too condescending). I am realizing that no matter how serious the moment feels for us, it is just a moment right now. The future, it's going to come, your dd will be fine in or out of softball (generally speaking), and even if she is the enxt best thing, guess what, she will still be... it's such a tough/fine line, trying to be the encouraging supportive parent vs the pyscho parent who is soo wrapped up in it, that the fun gets sucked out for the whole team. and when its all said and done, hopefully you still will have a relationship with your daughter that is based on love.

 

[undergroundga]

I appreciate the friendly advice and really I look forward to it. It's the biggest part part of why I enjoy comeing to this forum.
With that said, and I say this with the utmost respect. Some of you need to lighten up a bit. I was being sarcastic. I guess I need to learn to use the emoticons more often. Believe me I know that this is a game that is supposed to be taken seriously but played with a certain looseness.
Trust me we have a lot of fun with it. Is there frustration at times? You betcha. By all parties involved. Dd knows that she is way more important to me than expensive lessons, expensive bats, and expensive weekend trips. I never yell at my daughter while she is doing her thing(and she will be the first to tell you it is her thing), whether it be a lesson, game or practice in the yard.. Softball has taken our relationship to a whole new level, it is something we both really enjoy instead of tolerating. When that day comes and she gives up softball, whether it is at the end of this season, high school, college, NPF, or a coaching career, she will still be my dd(darling daughter and dollar drainer). Till then I'm goona enjoy this insanity.
But believe me we do take it seriously, but hey, we take our football seriously too.
I do love all you guys. You cannot imagine how much this site has helped my development more than my daughter's. And I've only been here a couple months.

 

[BB875]

And right there is a big part of the problem. If you, as a parent, can't say positive things - just shut up. Even to your buddies, smile, nod and say she is doing just great. Don't make it about yourself.

I don't know if it was because I played myself for sooooo long, but I never experienced nervousness when one of my kids pitched. I enjoyed it. My husband never took softball seriously, so he actually was good support to the kids. If something made me nervous to watch, I don't think that I would go. I watched a 7th grader the other night, that wasn't doing very well in the circle. She was throwing high and every pitch, she looked at her dad. I am betting that she would have done much better, if the dad wasn't there.

Amy, you are the master! She is exactly right! Parents need to butt out, you are not helping your DD, you are ruining her!

 

[BB875]

Let me qualify my above post...Take the sport serious, but when your DD is on the field, be invisible. Let her achieve or fail on her own. She must have a tight relationship with her coach & when you interfere, it does not help.

I love watching my DDs play. One of them I coach & treat her like her like she is not mine. The other two I ignore when they play. You have got to let the coach be the focal point when they mess up. Its all about development & mixed signals does not help your DD...Let them deal with the flow of the game on their own. They will actually learn and grow when you let them...