Babysitter or Coach/Manager?

[8isgreat]

I recently took on a 12U All Star team as the Manager. During a recent tournament we had several hours of down time between our first and second game. We had our team set up camp and all gathered around to rest and eat prior to the next game starting. Within about 40 minutes several of the parents decided to leave and go get coffee, food, take a walk, etc. Leaving roughly 8 girls unattended. Once their parents left it was like herding cats. I had girls running around, screaming, throwing food, leaving without knowing where they were going, etc.
After the first few times I was disrespected by several of these girls I told them to pick up their garbage and sit down quietly. One of the parents returned and her daughter gave her an earful I imagine because I received a call from this parent the next night saying how "rude" I was.
I reminded her that I am not her personal nanny. I am not being PAID to watch her child along with several others. I am there to keep the girls safe, coach them during the games and make sure they represent our league/town with respect and with good sportsmanship. She did not feel that any of these things were valid. therefore I now understand where her daughter gets her bad manners.

So now I have to deal with this parent's negativity and her daughter's lack of respect...how do you handle that? Do I just kill them with kindness? Do I remind them that they can easily volunteer their time as well (which I told her to do and she declined) or do I continue doing what I'm doing? I want the girls to have fun - but I'm not going to be disrespected or subjected to the screaming and food throwing I endured...

 

[PA SB Dad]

Cut back her playing time and ramp up the volunteer duties mom is responsible for during the AS games. If she doesn't like it, adios.

 

[jinjet95]

Tell the parents and the girls when they are to report back to warm up for the next game and where to meet you. Then you walk away to do your thing. If they want a team area, let the parents organize it. My DD team is 14 & 15, the parents never leave the girls to their own devices between games. There is always a parent responsible. The coach has my DD from warm up to post game talk. She's my responsibility in between.

 

[joemcq51]

I always tell the kids what time I need them back at before a game. We have a standard 1:15 before a game for warm ups. Basically by telling them when to be back, you are putting the responsibility on the parents. Never really have issues with the parents leaving their kids.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

No matter how long I am in this game (47 years), I hear something that is just unbelievable. I would never have left my 12yo, with a coach and gone off somewhere.

You are just asking for trouble, to allow that.

This woman's attitude will spread through the team like a cancer. If she does not apologize and change her attitude, she and her DD need to be asked to leave the team.

Good luck to you and thanks for volunteering your time.

 

[sluggers]

Do I just kill them with kindness?

I think simply killing them would be best.

Do I remind them that they can easily volunteer their time as well (which I told her to do and she declined) or do I continue doing what I'm doing?

Let's think this through--the kid behaved like an animal when the parent left. The parent is in Never Never Land (what, my baby doing something wrong?) And the parent believes she is doing *YOU* a favor by letting you have the honor of coaching her little superstar.

Do you really believe that you can do or say anything to change this person's attitude?

I want the girls to have fun - but I'm not going to be disrespected or subjected to the screaming and food throwing I endured...

Nor would I.

As Amy said,

This woman's attitude will spread through the team like a cancer. If she does not apologize and change her attitude, she and her DD need to be asked to leave the team.

Truer words were never written...(except maybe by me in one of the riseball threads). Life is to short to put up with bozos like this parent. It isn't going to get any better, trust me.

 

[8isgreat]

Thank you all so much for your input - I totally agree - I need to just set the ground rules and run for the truck! Once I explained my stance on the subject with the Diva's Mom in Question I think she saw it a bit differently but then who knows. I did alert the President of the League about my converstation with her and he supported me 100%. He apparently has dealt with her complaints before and wasn't surprised.

So at this next tournament I will tell the girls (and their parent's) what time to report to the field and then I'll go hang with the parent's that I like!

Thanks again...!

 

[SamG]

Speaking as a parent, I have no problem leaving my DD to her own devices in between games. I would not leave the complex, but I expect my DD at that age to act appropriately. She might go off with other teammates and goof off, watch games, get a snack, whatever.

I don't expect the coach, manager, or any other parent to have to chaparone her. If she does something that reflects negatively on the team, I DO expect her to have to suffer the consequences (being benched, extra work, etc).

 

[Sparky Guy]

I want the girls to have fun - but I'm not going to be disrespected or subjected to the screaming and food throwing I endured...

This may sound rough.. But here goes. You're the one at fault here for the kids behavior. The fault has nothing to do with you as a person or a coach. It reflects directly on your lack of experience with dealing with this age group.

I'm sure you had a team meeting with the kids and the parents where you discussed what the team was going to do. It's at that meeting is when you address conduct for both the kids AND the parents. You must make it clear to the kids YOU are in charge out there. If you're the least bit wishey washey on things the kids will eat you alive. You have to make is known what behavior is not acceptable. If they screw up there are consequences for it. Then you put the onus on the player by telling them they are hurting the team when you have to discipline them. Then stick to it right from the VERY start.

For the parents you need to tell them they are responsible for their children between games and under no circumstances will you watch their child. I'm guessing you have a DD on the team. So sooner or later you will end up with one of the other players in your care. But you should NEVER have several of them without parents attached to them. Put YOUR rules in writing and make sure every parent gets a copy of it. PM me with your email address and I'll send you what I hand out to my teams at the very first parent meeting.

You say this is an all-star team. By definition these should be rec ball players. They are not used to discipline and the grind of tournament ball so you really have to be on them before they start to understand what it takes.

I'll go hang with the parent's that I like!

Big mistake! You need to stay around but I would advise against continually hanging with one group of parents. It stops the wagging tongues. In all the years I've been coaching I've only had one parent say something about favorites. Well the dad I talked with was my assistant and his kid was one of the best players on the team.