moms or dads or both?

[cvsoftball]

John Rosemond is a nationallly syndicated old school child psychologist who I like a lot. In his recent article about homework and school, he wrote this :
"The underlying problem here is that for complex sociological and psychological reasons, today's moms tend to hang their sense of adequacy on the hooks of their children's achievement in school. Specifically, the unspoken assumption in American mommy culture is that the mom with the highest achieving kid is, somehow, the best mom."
Now , as a happily married guy who wants to stay that way, I'm not going to start pointing a finger at every mother out there. But, I must say that I have noticed in softball that this assertion of Rosemond's has quite a bit of truth to it. My biggest parent problems all have a mostly mom driven trajectory.
I want to tread very carefully here because I consider the moms on this site to be my equals when it comes to softball. So, my question is whether or not Rosemond's claim is applicable to softball.

 

[quincy]

DD can hit the ball.

 

[Greenmonsters]

There is no gender monopoly on crazy parents IME

 

[grcsftbll]

There is no gender monopoly on crazy parents IME

I agree. Plenty of it out of both moms and dads. But I'm also not a Rosemond fan.

 

[KPower]

We have definitely seen both - moms AND dads drive the crazy train.

 

[CoogansBluff]

What does it mean that 85 percent of this forum's posters are male? Or it seems that way.

Just that softball dads have too much time on their hands?

 

[JAD]

There is a psycho softball mom in our area, and we cut her DD at tryouts every year because the coaching staff did not want to deal with the mother. Too bad, because the player was a good kid and would have helped our team.

 

[nikkilugi]

I am a mom - and I had a come to Jesus with myself not long ago. I was upset about my dd struggling. I was sitting in my car feeling like crap and I asked myself "why"? So I considered what makes me a successful mom and I realized it didn't have anything to do with softball or my straight A son getting a B (that was a tough one though), or getting a part in the play/musical, or the solo in band, or win at debate, etc. What did make me successful as a mom is having healthy, happy, well adjusted kids who don't end up in jail and graduate high school (or get a GED). Oh and eventually move out and not live in my basement.

That was an eye opening convo with myself and it helped me tremendously. I am still very proud of my kids. However I am not defined by their accomplishments or lack thereof. I felt like a weight was lifted.

I have friends who are still struggling with this. They (dad is probably worse than mom) brag constantly about how awesome their kids are and how their dd is so popular and how ds is so advanced. I listen and smile and refuse to play that game with them.

So after all that I feel sex doesn't matter. Mom or Dad - I have seen crazies on both sides.

 

[CoogansBluff]

But, I must say that I have noticed in softball that this assertion of Rosemond's has quite a bit of truth to it. My biggest parent problems all have a mostly mom driven trajectory.

I would note that what Rosemond was describing - moms deriving their self-worth from their children's achievements - does not necessarily cause a parent problem on a softball team.

Lots of good coaches and team moms and softball helpers of all sorts live vicariously through their kids.

 

[JAD]

Now , as a happily married guy who wants to stay that way, I'm not going to start pointing a finger at every mother out there. But, I must say that I have noticed in softball that this assertion of Rosemond's has quite a bit of truth to it. My biggest parent problems all have a mostly mom driven trajectory.

If I had to offer an opinion it would be that most mothers did not compete in competitive sports growing up. Title IX is only a few years old, and the next generation of parents will be on a more level playing field. I would also guess mothers are more optimistic by nature and therefore wear thicker rose colored glasses...