Do I tell my daughter...?

[livingontheroad]

I dont think you said how old she was. Obviously a 9 yr old would be handled differently from a 16.

Facing shortcomings, failures, rejections and learning how to handle them in a positive manner is part of growing up. You cant shield them forever, and besides, you shouldnt. See examples of adults all the time that never learned, blame others for everything, can never accept that it was their shortcomings that led to something.

If it was my DD, I would have told her immediately. I understand all parents and kids are different though.

 

[Hollyrockartist]

Bless her heart...I'm with the "don't tell" camp until all the tryouts are finished. If she is like my DD and wears her feelings on her sleeves, it may upset her and she could tank the other tryouts. I also agree with Amy that maybe her position was not one they were needing to fill. Just pump her up, work with her at home and get her ready for the next tryouts! Good luck!!

 

[CoachKevin]

Wow an email? That was the first thing that caught my eye. I call each player and tell them either they made it or not. Seems like the chicken way to handle cutting players.

As for the question, tell her and even show her the email.

 

[absdad]

Wow an email? That was the first thing that caught my eye. I call each player and tell them either they made it or not. Seems like the chicken way to handle cutting players.

As for the question, tell her and even show her the email.

Kevin, you should be commended for doing so. Apparently it's not a common thing, at least in our area. We attended a tryout for a very well known organization team, that had one catcher spot open. My dd put their catcher to shame; other parents of girls trying out were giving us compliments on our dd. During hitting, my dd was killing them, slapping, bunting, just totally on fire. Dare I say her best tryout she's ever had. Coach pulled her aside after the hitting and talked to her, and wrote a few things down. Asked my dd afterwards, what he was talking to her about. She said he asked what her name was again, and how it was spelled. Thought for sure it would be a locked up thing. Coach tells all the parents afterwards that he will call everyone, regardless of his decision by "X day". That day came and went. Called and left him a VM. Nothing. A few days later, sent an email. Again, Nothing. Two weeks go by, and now his wife calls, she was looking at the notes on my dd, and wants to know if we want to come by for another tryout. LOL.. not "no", but "hell no". If a coach can't commnicate, before, during, or after tryouts, how do you think they'll be during the season?
If you're truly calling all families, keep it up. You're making a name for yourself.

 

[SoftSocDad]

If the child is old enough (I say 14, in general, but yes, every kid is unique), the 'not this year' call should've gone directly to her anyway.

For a younger child, I don't see a problem with the parent deciding to hold all the cards until all the tryouts are done and can then work with the child to select the best available option. If, however, the tryouts are staggered in such a way that team A needs to hear a 'yay or nay' from a family before teams C & D even have their tryouts, then if child didn't make team B, I think it would be better to let her know right away.

 

[Lothar241]

She is 1st year 12U (1999).

 

[StacieM]

I also agree with the don't tellers. I hope her other tryouts went well! You know your daughter best and how the news will affect her and if you think that at this time, the positives won't outweigh the negatives, then tell her at another time.

 

[shockcoach]

I told my kid when she tried out for a different team earlier this month. She asked me if any of the other girls on her team made it. I told her, "No." She shrugged her shoulders and said, "Oh well. You're the one who wanted me to try out for them anyway! I want to stay where I'm at."

Dang parents anyway!

 

[sballsally]

This could be the reason as well. Unless she was a stud you weren't going to replace the "known" with an "unknown" and it has nothing to do with her.

 

[PlanoHeat]

I'm not trying to be rude but to me this falls into the realm of everyone wins a trophy and no one is ever a loser. Wouldn't it mean that much more to her when she does make a team? Just seems dishonest to me. My DD and I have a very open line of communication and I don't know that I could keep something like that from her. How do you know she won't respond the other way and work three times harder at the next tryout?

I have a good friend and his daughter tried out for 6 teams this fall. She was offered spots on 2. I was impressed and inspired in how she responded and kept working harder and harder over the course of the three weeks to get to where she was accepted on a team. She's a 12U also (though a 98).