14u playing time problems

[miker]

I thought I was a little harsh in my original post. The 16U rec league age group is the worst. You've got one group of kids who just aren't interested any more in playing the game. You've got another group of kids who would love to play travel ball, either for lack of talent or lack of parents willing to make the sacrifice (and I'm not saying it makes sense to play travel ball even if a kid has the talent for it).

So, you've got a very tough job. Perhaps no one told you that you had signed up for the worst job in softball.

But, here you are...if it were me, I would have told the parent, "Your kid isn't showing up for practices and games. If she shows up for practice and all the games, I promise she'll get one inning in the infield. But, if she doesn't, she'll play the outfield."



If you are coaching rec league anything, including rec league church adult softball, if you are out only to win games, then you have already lost.

What do you want these girls to get out of the season? For a rec league, you should be making the "good" girls play positions that they haven't played before so that they can increase their chance of playing on the HS team.

What do you think sounds better to a HS coach from one your better players:

1) "I played SS every game for my rec league team."
2) "I can play any position you want. I know how to play them all. I usually played SS, but I also played 1B, 3B, OF and even caught a few games. I'm a really good all-around player."

thanks for posting again. and I understand what you are saying. Some of the generalities that you mention about this age group, etc definitely apply. There are also a few things about the situation that I think are unique. I'm more than willing to spread the wealth and let kids play other positions, when the situation is right and when it makes sense for the TEAM, not for an individual player. And I don't think it's appropriate to attempt to bully the coach into playing your kid at a certain position by being belligerent.

This mother came at me, trying to bait me into an altercation and with an inflammatory posture..she was out of line. We've played 4 games for god sake, what does she want? We're still trying to figure out what we have. It's been difficult. A couple of the other players told me the player in question was threatening to quit in the dugout during the last game and didn't even know if we won or lost. She's got no interest in the team, only herself apparently. Wonder where she learned that from?

Where did you see me say that I am only out to win games? I don't think you could infer that from what I've posted either. Yes, I want to win, but I'm 1-4 right now and making moves with positions, the lineup and in game that look to the long term for the most part, not necessarily to win that particular game. I'm not sure what rec leagues you guys play in, but our league is extremely competitive, there's around 20 teams and most of them put quite a bit of emphasis on winning. Most of the teams have 2-3 travel players, I don't have any. The HS programs around here are large and don't take any rec players...period. So this is it for most of these girls. Maybe it's a unique situation, I don't know.

 

[SBDadSanDiego]

When I last coached rec, I played the girls that showed the most effort/dedication in practice.
Which in all but rare cases, equaled the better players (go figure)

When you get to 12u and beyond, it's a good time to start teaching that hard work and dedication = reward.
That's pretty much how the real world works, so why not teach some values WHILE you're teaching softball, you may save the system from yet another welfare case.

 

[miker]

When I last coached rec, I played the girls that showed the most effort/dedication in practice.
Which in all but rare cases, equaled the better players (go figure)

When you get to 12u and beyond, it's a good time to start teaching that hard work and dedication = reward.
That's pretty much how the real world works, so why not teach some values WHILE you're teaching softball, you may save the system from yet another welfare case.

I agree with you 150%.

we had practice Sunday, 7 girls showed up, 6 of which are the better players, 1 was a lesser player, the girl whose mother blew up at me didn't show(she told me in the midst of her outburst that she was sick, had no explanation for why she didn't let me know). I'm really amazed at the coaches here who say rec is about playing all the girls everywhere no matter what, have you coached rec before? I just don't agree with that at all.

 

[sluggers]

A couple of the other players told me the player in question was threatening to quit in the dugout during the last game and didn't even know if we won or lost.

First, keep the other girls on the team from talking about the situation. It isn't their business.

What I said was that if your only goal in playing rec league is to win, then you have lost. You have to have other things you want to accomplish with your team. I would suggest sitting down with the girls and talking about what they want out of this. If the girls are having fun, what is the big deal?

If the kids goal is to simply get together and socialize and play a little softball, I don't see what is wrong with that. They are, in fact, acting like adults. Adults together to bowl, curl, golf, play a little softball, and have fun. The losers are the people who take it too seriously.

My kids played in Chicagoland. I also helped found the Naperville Diamond organization. It has been going for almost 20 years...so I've helped thousands of girls at all levels of ability experience the joy of playing this wonderful game.

Are you playing in the Western Suburban League in Chicagoland? I'm very familiar with that organization. Generally, they do a good job...but some of the coaches are a hoot. They have a pitcher that can kind of throw the ball over the plate, and then a couple of kids that can hit, then they win a few games, and they think they are Joe Torre. It is really funny.

But, I really think you need to get the girls together and talk about what they want out of this. You might be surprised. Then, help the girls get what they want.

As to this parent, treat her like an outpatient from a mental clinic. BUT: Always separate the way you treat child from the way you treat the parent. God knows what this kid is going through at home.

You coach rec league ANYTHING because you are doing a service to the players. It really isn't about winning or losing.

 

[miker]

First, keep the other girls on the team from talking about the situation. It isn't their business.

What I said was that if your only goal in playing rec league is to win, then you have lost. You have to have other things you want to accomplish with your team. I would suggest sitting down with the girls and talking about what they want out of this. If the girls are having fun, what is the big deal?

If the kids goal is to simply get together and socialize and play a little softball, I don't see what is wrong with that. They are, in fact, acting like adults. Adults together to bowl, curl, golf, play a little softball, and have fun. The losers are the people who take it too seriously.

My kids played in Chicagoland. I also helped found the Naperville Diamond organization. It has been going for almost 20 years...so I've helped thousands of girls at all levels of ability experience the joy of playing this wonderful game.

Are you playing in the Western Suburban League in Chicagoland? I'm very familiar with that organization. Generally, they do a good job...but some of the coaches are a hoot. They have a pitcher that can kind of throw the ball over the plate, and then a couple of kids that can hit, then they win a few games, and they think they are Joe Torre. It is really funny.

But, I really think you need to get the girls together and talk about what they want out of this. You might be surprised. Then, help the girls get what they want.

As to this parent, treat her like an outpatient from a mental clinic. BUT: Always separate the way you treat child from the way you treat the parent. God knows what this kid is going through at home.

You coach rec league ANYTHING because you are doing a service to the players. It really isn't about winning or losing.

I really appreciate the thoughts. We're in the Chicago burbs, but not west suburban. I think that is a great idea to get the girls together and talk about what they want to get out of it. Definitely going to try that.

The parent is nuts clearly, I'm not so sure the kid is innocent either, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt until she proves otherwise. I'm pretty sure I haven't heard the last from her mother, though because as I said I'm going to do what I think is best for the team as a whole, not just her daughter and I have a feeling that isn't going to make her happy. If (when) she confronts me again, I'm going to calmly explain this to her and tell her that is the end of it. If she needs more than that she's going to have to go to the board.

Thanks again for the comments. I've been coaching for awhile but this is my first 14u team as a manager, as you mentioned before it's another world all together.

 

[fosterspoint]

Miker,

It sounds to me like you are doing the right things, and you are genuinely concerned about the team. Keep trying to do your best, and do the right things. That's all you can do.

I had a parent who complained because her daughter batted last in the order. I had switched the batting order in the prior game so her daughter was batting first, and she was pitching the first inning, but they showed up late and I could only add her to the bottom of the batting order at that time. The mother never saw that, she just complained about batting last.

Another parent complained that his daughter was batting in the bottom half of the order, and she was playing outfield. She was a new player, she was athletic, but had no idea what to do. The parent said that we were going to lose anyway, so why not let her play in the infield and bat near the top of the order, it would be better for her development.

I spoke with a parent the other night, he had just complained to his coach that his daughter was batting last and not playing the infield. During the conversation, he mentioned that she missed the first three weeks of practice and games because she was playing volleyball, and she still misses some games and most of the practices.

Another parent complained because the league did not allow her daughter to play on the same team with two of the top players in the league. The daughter was rated as a first round draft pick, the team already had two first round girls who were the coaches daughters, we thought it was a bad idea to allow a buddy request to put three first round picks on the same team. The mother was appalled that we would put the good of 72 other players over what her daughter wanted.

If everyone is complaining about you, then you probably need to make some changes. If it is just one player or parent, you might not ever be able to make them happy.

 

[alexander58]

It sounds to me like you've been more than fair.As a coach, I try to look at it from the parents perspective. I'm sure this sounds trite, but some parents just don't get it. You aren't going to make this parent happy.If you try , you'll end up making 11 other sets of parents mad. Do what you've been doing. Most rec parents see when their kids don't stack up. These parents do not.

 

[miker]

I truly appreciate the comments guys, I wish I would've found this forum 5 years ago. I feel a lot better after reading your thoughts and talking to some other folks in our league. I'm not going to let this parent ruin it for everybody because she can't see the forest through the trees. I think it's hard for parents to put themselves in a coach's shoes sometimes, probably not their fault. One of the other coach's suggested to this lady that she coach a team next year if she felt that strongly about this, she has no interest.

So I probably overreacted a little to this situation (not to her, just within myself), but it's a learning experience and probably time to move on. I just want to try and be as fair as I can while considering ALL the players. Easier said than done. Thanks again.

 

[Wookie]

If everyone is complaining about you, then you .......

.....then you are probably doing something RIGHT!

It's rec ball, and the parents should know that. If not, tell them if they think their DD is that great, have her tryout for a travel team.

I told my rec parents at the beginning of the year that the league (U10) was develpmental and it will be treated that way. We will try to win a few games, but we are going to have fun and teach the girls various positions so that they can figure out what they like and do not like. I have a rotating batting order - the last batter in the previous game leads off the next with the 1st batter moving to 2nd, etc. I also rotate the girls around from infield to outfield, but keep in mind their requests (I do not want to play 1B because I can't catch, etc.) and their abilities - not all kids will get to play every position. So far I have not heard any complaints, but that does not mean that there aren't out there - I just don't hear about them. I also will not be coaching next year either - I feel my 2 years at rec were sufficient and will allow others to volunteer - especially those who think they can do it better.

I would suggest that the next time a parent gets into any coach's face to tell them you're glad that they will be coaching a team next year. This usually shuts them up, even for just a little while.

 

[miker]

.....then you are probably doing something RIGHT!

It's rec ball, and the parents should know that. If not, tell them if they think their DD is that great, have her tryout for a travel team.

I told my rec parents at the beginning of the year that the league (U10) was develpmental and it will be treated that way. We will try to win a few games, but we are going to have fun and teach the girls various positions so that they can figure out what they like and do not like. I have a rotating batting order - the last batter in the previous game leads off the next with the 1st batter moving to 2nd, etc. I also rotate the girls around from infield to outfield, but keep in mind their requests (I do not want to play 1B because I can't catch, etc.) and their abilities - not all kids will get to play every position. So far I have not heard any complaints, but that does not mean that there aren't out there - I just don't hear about them. I also will not be coaching next year either - I feel my 2 years at rec were sufficient and will allow others to volunteer - especially those who think they can do it better.

10u is definitely a developmental league and when I have managed that level in the past I treated it as such...I don't feel that 14u is all that developmental, especially in my area as these kids will not be playing HS ball or travel in 99% of the cases.

I would suggest that the next time a parent gets into any coach's face to tell them you're glad that they will be coaching a team next year. This usually shuts them up, even for just a little while.

didn't work with this one, see my above post...there was nothing that was going to shut her up, I had to tell her there was no more I could say and she would have to talk to the board...