Advice Needed - college freshmen - when to worry?

[sbmom444]

So different thoughts than just softball here:
How often are you and her talking? Is it too much.
If she is just sitting in her room, what else could she be doing around campus to socialize? Ie. Study in the Library instead of room.

I was like that my first month or so of college until I decided to change things up a bit. There are a bunch of freshmen who feel this way.

Yeah - I think we are talking too much and I am trying to kind of gently squash that. I have suggested going to the library and all kinds of stuff but hopefully she will get there. Thank you for sharing your experience that does help!

 

[sbmom444]

This sounds very similar to my dd’s experience so far, as well. The freshmen recruits have been hanging out together since orientation, and once the upperclassmen arrived, they have all been getting together to do “mixers” with 1-2 other teams so they get to know each other. They typically will eat meals together a few times per week, and will try to work out together if class schedules allow. Her teammates sought each other out as soon as they moved in. DD’s school is very remote so everyone typically stays on campus (no going home on weekends). They do have a very robust Covid testing program so luckily no restrictions other than wearing masks indoors (mixers have been at outdoor locations on campus). Masks can be removed if in someone’s dorm room. 99% of campus population is vaccinated.

I hope that your dd’s situation improves soon! Definitely difficult if her roommate is going home most weekends - especially since if she is the only other recruit. I would say that by 6-8 weeks things will change for the better. Sometimes it just takes time for everything to sort out. I think your DD’s experience is more typical than you think. Hang in there!

Thank you! I truly want her to enjoy her experience!

 

[Shiloh]

I can still conjure the trauma I felt during my first semester away at college.

- new job
- new location
- new home
- alone for the first time
- living with strangers

What isn't traumatizing about it?

few suggestions:
- get involved: tell your DD to force herself out of your dorm and into some clubs, parties, activities etc. Even if it's just the paint by number hour in the common area. Taking a break from ruminating about things she can't control will help her mentally. (Great that she is helping the football team. That is a great start! She should be very proud of herself for doing this!)
- get into a routine as fast as possible: knowing where you're going and having a plan to get there, on time is empowering and lends some certainty to a situation that feels completely out of control.
- make a friend/acquaintance in every class: you can help each other out and you'll both need it somewhere down the line. After a few classes, bring them a candy or gum or something else very small and hand it to them. They'll be grateful and presto, you now have a friend.
- sit in the front rows: this is where the kids who want to learn are.
- cry as necessary. It's OK. Going away to college is HARD.
- when done crying, go get involved.

While it may seem like she is the only person on campus who's feeling lonely, that is 100% NOT TRUE. There are a lot of kids in the same boat, and most of them are not athletes who have upperclassmen looking after them. She is relatively lucky.

Is there a freshman parents FB page for this school? (if you aren't sure, try searching for one) At my DD's college, parents are posting like crazy about lonely freshman...other parents offer to send their kids to seek them out. The group has also given rise to lots of sub-groups, centered around things like which dorm the student is in, interests like art, music, drama, and interest in local outings.

Again, getting out is key.

If all else fails, be sure your DD knows how to get mental health help.

 

[sbmom444]

Just curious, divided how? along what line?

I think there is definitely a bit of a racial divide but also possibly between girls who were happy that the previous coach got let go and those that were not happy about it.

 

[sbmom444]

I can still conjure the trauma I felt during my first semester away at college.

- new job
- new location
- new home
- alone for the first time
- living with strangers

What isn't traumatizing about it?

few suggestions:
- get involved: tell your DD to force herself out of your dorm and into some clubs, parties, activities etc. Even if it's just the paint by number hour in the common area. Taking a break from ruminating about things she can't control will help her mentally. (Great that she is helping the football team. That is a great start! She should be very proud of herself for doing this!)
- get into a routine as fast as possible: knowing where you're going and having a plan to get there, on time is empowering and lends some certainty to a situation that feels completely out of control.
- make a friend/acquaintance in every class: you can help each other out and you'll both need it somewhere down the line. After a few classes, bring them a candy or gum or something else very small and hand it to them. They'll be grateful and presto, you now have a friend.
- sit in the front rows: this is where the kids who want to learn are.
- cry as necessary. It's OK. Going away to college is HARD.
- when done crying, go get involved.

While it may seem like she is the only person on campus who's feeling lonely, that is 100% NOT TRUE. There are a lot of kids in the same boat, and most of them are not athletes who have upperclassmen looking after them. She is relatively lucky.

Is there a freshman parents FB page for this school? (if you aren't sure, try searching for one) At my DD's college, parents are posting like crazy about lonely freshman...other parents offer to send their kids to seek them out. The group has also given rise to lots of sub-groups, centered around things like which dorm the student is in, interests like art, music, drama, and interest in local outings.

Again, getting out is key.

If all else fails, be sure your DD knows how to get mental health help.

Thank you all great suggestions! I did just find a FB page and requested to join!

 

[Orange Socks]

Is there a freshman parents FB page for this school? (if you aren't sure, try searching for one) At my DD's college, parents are posting like crazy about lonely freshman...other parents offer to send their kids to seek them out. The group has also given rise to lots of sub-groups, centered around things like which dorm the student is in, interests like art, music, drama, and interest in local outings.

DD's school has a parent facebook group and it is nuts to see how many helicopter parents are on there. My response is usually, they are adults now and they will figure it out. The parents are wanting to interject themselves into their particular conundrum and fix it. Lucky for us softball parents, we learned to let our kids figure out problems with the coach and their teammates.

 

[_MIA_]

Lol at all you parents worrying about your kids not socializing enough..be careful what you wish for.

 

[ChrisSB]

I can still conjure the trauma I felt during my first semester away at college.

- new job
- new location
- new home
- alone for the first time
- living with strangers

What isn't traumatizing about it?

few suggestions:
- get involved: tell your DD to force herself out of your dorm and into some clubs, parties, activities etc. Even if it's just the paint by number hour in the common area. Taking a break from ruminating about things she can't control will help her mentally. (Great that she is helping the football team. That is a great start! She should be very proud of herself for doing this!)
- get into a routine as fast as possible: knowing where you're going and having a plan to get there, on time is empowering and lends some certainty to a situation that feels completely out of control.
- make a friend/acquaintance in every class: you can help each other out and you'll both need it somewhere down the line. After a few classes, bring them a candy or gum or something else very small and hand it to them. They'll be grateful and presto, you now have a friend.
- sit in the front rows: this is where the kids who want to learn are.
- cry as necessary. It's OK. Going away to college is HARD.
- when done crying, go get involved.

While it may seem like she is the only person on campus who's feeling lonely, that is 100% NOT TRUE. There are a lot of kids in the same boat, and most of them are not athletes who have upperclassmen looking after them. She is relatively lucky.

Is there a freshman parents FB page for this school? (if you aren't sure, try searching for one) At my DD's college, parents are posting like crazy about lonely freshman...other parents offer to send their kids to seek them out. The group has also given rise to lots of sub-groups, centered around things like which dorm the student is in, interests like art, music, drama, and interest in local outings.

Again, getting out is key.

If all else fails, be sure your DD knows how to get mental health help.

Lots of great ideas in this post. Another thing I would suggest is leaving your dorm room open when she's awake and in the room. This invites people to stop in and say hi. Also she should get to know her RA (resident assistant) on her floor. They'll usually introduce you to other people. The RA on my daughter's floor would have movie nights and stuff like that.

 

[clarity]

Lol at all you parents worrying about your kids not socializing enough..be careful what you wish for.

I find myself in the odd position of wondering if I should tell my freshman it's OK to drink at parties. She's reported that she goes out with the team but she's the only one who doesn't drink. I know her well enough to know she's not just saying this for our benefit. Certainly don't want to encourage alcoholism or drunkenness or anything like that at all, but isn't the #1 purpose of college to learn how to drink socially when you enter the "real world" and not overdo it?

 

[_MIA_]

but isn't the #1 purpose of college to learn how to drink socially when you enter the "real world" and not overdo it?

I have one beer per year on New Years eve so apparently I failed that course in college.