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[testandor]

When you react to a crowd, no matter how small that reaction is, you are ceding control of yourself and that real estate to that crowd. You are giving the crowd control. You are allowing them to externally manipulate you.

Don‘t let them draw you in. It’s what they want.

Exactly right! Usually, I have no difficulty ignoring them. Every once in a great while, I am tempted. But I always remind myself that I can't even glance their way. I can never let them know they got to me. And I can never lower my head as if I'm hiding. Stand tall, and know that they're looking for even the slightest hint that they've "got to you." You can never give them that, or you're done.

 

[testandor]

Using empty threats makes the situation worse ... NEVER use phrases like “one more word/time” or “if I hear another”

The first thing I was taught in the first training I ever received, in preparation for umpiring mens leagues was this.

"If someone gives you a problem, you've got two choices - warn him or heave him. And if you warn him, you can only do it once, because if you warn him a second time, he'll know you didnt mean it the first time, and won't mean it every time after."

It was advice I remembered to this day, and that was a very long time ago. The only better advice I ever got was, "Stop doing bar leagues. Ump girls fast pitch. They don't spend the whole night drinking beer and pissing in the bushes, in preparation for giving you a bunch of crap all game long."

 

[Gtrips07]

One of my local associations has caved to the inmates. You can no longer kick out a coach or player, all because the association admits their tournaments are a money grab.

It made it very easy to switch where I umpire.

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

 

[grcsftbll]

DD's been on teams with parents who harass umpires. Usually it's one or two bad apples, though I've witnessed what seemed like an entire team of insane parents on a few occasions. It's often a team whose coach is a bit soft. Like the guy earlier in this post who didn't want to deal with his parents because he has to see them all year?? I'd be upset if my DD's coach was that much of a wimp. I hate that youth coaches have to take a hard line with parents, when their focus should be the kids. But they do need to try to keep their parents in line, IMO.

There are some truly terrible umpires out there, no doubt. It sucks so bad to get one of those, especially if it's an "important" game (understanding important is a relative term). Still, there's no excuse to act like a bully. It's easy to get caught up, especially when there's chaos all around and you're so sure it's a bad call (can't tell you how many times a 100% AWFUL CALL we got, turned out to be the exact right call when I reviewed our GoPro footage in slomo). To me the best umpires are the ones who are able to ignore the parents, or make it a joke. There are some umpires who are so good at working a crowd, you can't even get upset at them. You start out wanting to yell at them and end up joking with them. I don't know how they do it, but they amaze me. I'd be the one throwing everyone out. By the end of the game, there would be 2 or 3 spectators left. lol

 

[CHSUmp97]

To me the best umpires are the ones who are able to ignore the parents, or make it a joke. There are some umpires who are so good at working a crowd, you can't even get upset at them. You start out wanting to yell at them and end up joking with them. I don't know how they do it, but they amaze me. I'd be the one throwing everyone out. By the end of the game, there would be 2 or 3 spectators left. lol

Unfortunately we are taught to never interact with the fans. So those great umpires you've experienced who joke with the crowd are technically in the wrong. And they create more problems than they solve, not for themselves necessarily, but for those of us who try to completely ignore the parents as we're instructed. We suddenly become labeled as aloof, unapproachable, unfriendly, etc., when we don't acknowledge the crowd.

The other concern is that it may backfire. There may be fans who don't appreciate a chatty umpire, particularly when they talk with their significant other. Or the umpire may appear to be friendlier with one team's parents than the other. Why open that box? It's better to just stay mum.

I used to cut-up with fans all the time when I first started. But I soon learned that we need to stay focused with what's happening inside the fences, even between innings. We have responsibilities to uphold. By being against the backstop chatting it up with a fan, we lose our professionalism. Others see us as being more concerned with socializing than officiating. Yeah, it helps in keeping the fans in check, but it also leads to more issues in the end.

 

[salderman#19]

@Strike2 , I will agree with that in general. There Is quite a bit of truth to the observation that as players/parents/coaches are around the game longer, they start to learn proper behavior. Whereas when they first come in, they think the terrible behavior is the norm.

Now, I won’t say that is completely true, because I have found the sense of entitlement can permeate the ages/experience and that even crosses socio-economic boundaries. The common factor is: if nobody corrects them acting like a small child, they continue to act like a small child.

That is why I have an issue with allowing things to continue even when they are seemingly ”smaller” infractions ... it just allows things to build and reinforces (as I said above) that there is a certain threshold that is not just acceptable, but actually expected. That is not the case.

I certainly understand how age of players and parents can improve as time moves on, but have you found in your years of experience that fans differ from skill classification? Curious if A level players/parents interact different than B or C. I only ask because as my DD has moved up in classification, it seems to me that the parents have a better understanding of the game, rules, conduct, etc.

 

[The Man In Blue]

I certainly understand how age of players and parents can improve as time moves on, but have you found in your years of experience that fans differ from skill classification? Curious if A level players/parents interact different than B or C. I only ask because as my DD has moved up in classification, it seems to me that the parents have a better understanding of the game, rules, conduct, etc.

Tough to say, as I honestly find the classification system to be a joke and don’t pay much (any) attention to it. At least around these parts, it is all self-declared and there is a good amount of delusion and trophy hunting ... everybody is a “B” team. It is a decent theory that makes sense. I would tend to attribute that to experience and just “being around the game” leading to better sense of what is appropriate and what is not.

I would say it this way: with newer or younger teams the problems generally stem from ignorance. With older or more elite teams the problems generally stem from a a sense of entitlement. Parents and coaches aren’t immune at either end of the spectrum.

 

[The Man In Blue]

The other concern is that it may backfire. There may be fans who don't appreciate a chatty umpire, particularly when they talk with their significant other. Or the umpire may appear to be friendlier with one team's parents than the other. Why open that box? It's better to just stay mum.

I can’t say it much better than you did @CHSUmp97. I’m going to pull that ^ little bit out to comment, lest anybody does not believe it. I had that happen.

I typically will run all of my communication through the head coach until it is evident that there is a more efficient way. This particular time, I was checking the scores with the teams as we did not have a scoreboard. At the end of the 1st inning, he went to his bookkeeper (his wife). In the 2nd inning he acted perturbed and went to his bookkeeper. In the 3rd and 4th innings I just went straight to the bookkeeper. In the 5th inning a close call was made that he didn’t like and the minor chirping turned into “stop staring at my wife and watch the game!”

 

[Rick M]

In the 5th inning a close call was made that he didn’t like and the minor chirping turned into “stop staring at my wife and watch the game!”

You 'ole rascal!

Thanks to all the umps out there for sharing your perspective with us. My wife is always telling me that I should ump for our rec league, as I do love watching kids play the game. I always tell her, "No Way!" I've seen some terrific umpires in Rec and some awful ones, but they all have to deal with some level of abuse. I couldn't just ignore it, I'd make a terrible umpire.

 

[marriard]

Unfortunately we are taught to never interact with the fans. So those great umpires you've experienced who joke with the crowd are technically in the wrong. And they create more problems than they solve, not for themselves necessarily, but for those of us who try to completely ignore the parents as we're instructed. We suddenly become labeled as aloof, unapproachable, unfriendly, etc., when we don't acknowledge the crowd.

Fans can turn on you REAL fast. I was taught long ago (and not in softball) that this is one of the issues you can manage away from and avoid - so do that. It sounds over the top, but when it goes wrong, it is almost a betrayal reaction ("How can you make that call, I thought you were my friend')... That doesn't mean you can't say hello to a fan or 'how are the kids', but actual interaction/conversation I try to keep to as little as possible.

I certainly understand how age of players and parents can improve as time moves on, but have you found in your years of experience that fans differ from skill classification? Curious if A level players/parents interact different than B or C. I only ask because as my DD has moved up in classification, it seems to me that the parents have a better understanding of the game, rules, conduct, etc.

In general, no. Although if you get a few parents and coaches who have older kids who have already been through the whole 8U-college ages experience, then those teams are generally calmer, earlier than other teams.

The other team I hate to see is the 12U-A "Ran Out of Teams to Play For" team. This is the team that always forms around this age group with all the team-hopping nut-job parents/coaches that everyone else is done with no matter how talented their kid is. They run out of teams to play for so they all get together in one huge car wreck of a team. Total disaster zone. Everyone has their version of this team locally. Most of you are reading this and can name them

The absolute worse parents are the ones who are on a team who NEVER lose and every loss is a total collapse of their world. Generally, this team is the one where some A-**** just went ahead and gathered all the best (read: early maturing) 10U or 12U girls onto one team and travel around, wont shut up about winning states and burn out a bunch of kids. They are even worse than the insane 10U-first-time in kids sports lunatics.