edited post...thanks for the input guys.
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Problem Parent - What Would You Do?
- Thread starter jay
- Start date
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CoachJ5513
BlueJ5513
I have always found that it works best to address everyone at the same time. You want to be careful of having two whisperers (you & other parent) competing with each other amongst the team.
If you think that the parent is recruiting from your ranks, you should address that immediately with that parent and end it. The he/she said factor can cause a bigger rift than you fix.
If you think that the parent is recruiting from your ranks, you should address that immediately with that parent and end it. The he/she said factor can cause a bigger rift than you fix.
- Jan 25, 2011
- 2,278
- 38
I do have to ask this.Do you have dd on the team and is she the #1 picture,not trying to start something but just trying to get a better picture.
Is this parent 'recruiting' for next season, or looking to bolt now and take players along? ...
If they're trying to break up the current team, then they won't have any success unless there is a lot of dissatisfaction, which sounds unlikely given your description.
If they're trying to break way for next season and bring players with them, I'm not sure what you can do about that. I like CoachJ's advice, address it immediately, but will that do any good? Can you really have a rule that families can't talk about what they might do next season? It might backfire. The reality is that you have to sell yourself and your team constantly to your parents and win them over every year. Understand that it's natural for parents and players to be curious about other teams, and everybody is under a one-year contract. I can't demand loyalty, I have to earn it. I'm always selling them on my plans and visions of the team, and if a parent finds something better, I don't want to stand in the way. I just want to make sure they know that what I have to offer is constantly improving.
My gut feel is that you're doing fine and that the other parents will see through this other parents' delusions. If you've got a lot of parents who are unhappy or looking to move, you probably will know that. Just my gut.
If they're trying to break up the current team, then they won't have any success unless there is a lot of dissatisfaction, which sounds unlikely given your description.
If they're trying to break way for next season and bring players with them, I'm not sure what you can do about that. I like CoachJ's advice, address it immediately, but will that do any good? Can you really have a rule that families can't talk about what they might do next season? It might backfire. The reality is that you have to sell yourself and your team constantly to your parents and win them over every year. Understand that it's natural for parents and players to be curious about other teams, and everybody is under a one-year contract. I can't demand loyalty, I have to earn it. I'm always selling them on my plans and visions of the team, and if a parent finds something better, I don't want to stand in the way. I just want to make sure they know that what I have to offer is constantly improving.
My gut feel is that you're doing fine and that the other parents will see through this other parents' delusions. If you've got a lot of parents who are unhappy or looking to move, you probably will know that. Just my gut.
Jay - this type of situation happens all the time and comes with the territory of coaching. In my experience, most organized youth sport teams have at least one parent who thinks their kid walks on water, should be playing x position, and will let everyone around them know it. Most reasonable parents know that this type of parent is irrational and delusional and will not be swayed by their arguments to leave the team. If the parents and players respect you as a coach (which it seems that they do) your team will get better over the coming seasons with or without this trouble maker. As long as you know you are doing the right thing, you cannot let these type of parents infuence your decision making as a coach. We coaches have targets on our backs, the parents watch us like hawks, and we will make some mistakes, but if the team is growing in their softball skills, is competitive, and the families and players are having fun, everything else will work itself out. Unless this parent is directly undermining your authority as a coach and its affecting team morale, I would brush it off and focus on the players development and let ALL the families know how great it is to have their DD on the team. Things will work out in due course. Good luck.
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I second the motion of addressing all parents at one time (soon). Hold a mandatory meeting of parents only.
Talk to them first about the proud accomplishments of the team being sure to GENERALIZE. Secondly,
talk about the future, what you expect, what they can expect, etc. Lastly, talk about turnover, parents leave,
it is their right and I have always wished them well. It is impossible to keep 12 families together forever,
as the girls age, some find that their talents/skills hit a ceiling in the 12 yr old group, these kids will
eventually drop, or, you will hold open tryouts in order to improve your team and the weaker players
will see that they do not make the grade. This last part is the most difficult.
i.e. I have a player now (13 yo)
that has played with my DD for 4 years, our families are friendly, she is the same player at 131/2 that she
was at 11 1/2. I have talked to the dad, he sees/understands it, she is on the bench more, mom is furious,
player has told several team mates that she is unhappy. She is a great kid with a great family, I have lost
sleep over her eventual release.
I am holding open tryouts
for the fall and have told the entire team that positions need to be earned and there are no guarantees,
the best 6 players are playing at a very high level, the bottom 4 are trying hard, for 2 of them, the speed of the
game has passed them by. I am currently doing batting stats to send out to the team, the bottom 2
are batting .115 and .147 and lead the team in strike outs. The next lowest average is .240, no coincidence that
the 2 lowest averages belong to the 2 weakest defensive players.
Talk to them first about the proud accomplishments of the team being sure to GENERALIZE. Secondly,
talk about the future, what you expect, what they can expect, etc. Lastly, talk about turnover, parents leave,
it is their right and I have always wished them well. It is impossible to keep 12 families together forever,
as the girls age, some find that their talents/skills hit a ceiling in the 12 yr old group, these kids will
eventually drop, or, you will hold open tryouts in order to improve your team and the weaker players
will see that they do not make the grade. This last part is the most difficult.
i.e. I have a player now (13 yo)
that has played with my DD for 4 years, our families are friendly, she is the same player at 131/2 that she
was at 11 1/2. I have talked to the dad, he sees/understands it, she is on the bench more, mom is furious,
player has told several team mates that she is unhappy. She is a great kid with a great family, I have lost
sleep over her eventual release.
I am holding open tryouts
for the fall and have told the entire team that positions need to be earned and there are no guarantees,
the best 6 players are playing at a very high level, the bottom 4 are trying hard, for 2 of them, the speed of the
game has passed them by. I am currently doing batting stats to send out to the team, the bottom 2
are batting .115 and .147 and lead the team in strike outs. The next lowest average is .240, no coincidence that
the 2 lowest averages belong to the 2 weakest defensive players.
It seems like a parent meeting to go over the team accomplishments and reiterate the goals is the way to go. If there are any concerns you don't know about maybe you will get the chance to address them before they become a problem.
haha! yes and yes!!!!
unrelated question from a point made above...do you guys publicly post all girls stats to all families? i currently give each family their own dds stats with a comparison to the rest of the team, i.e. sally is batting .312 but the team batting average is .412. i did this to prevent any finger pointing to potential weak links. i think i'm ready to go public (we're 12U) and if it creates shame and controversy so be it. my lineup has, and will always be, structured accordingly.
- Jan 24, 2011
- 1,157
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I always post our 12u stats for all to see. You would be amazed how this motivates some of the players to get better
