Long time listener, first time caller. Hoping to be active in the forum now that I finally registered. Need a little help addressing this weekend situation.
Background, I am an assistant coach on my daughters 04 14a team. We recently moved up from a 12b program, and are taking our lumps. I prospectively will be taking over as head coach in the Spring.
Pool play Saturday out girls were cheering, and one girl was banging balls on the bench in rythym. Umpire called time, approached the dugout, and said to stop as artificial noise is not allowed. When he turned around to head back to the plate, our player did it again. From the 1st base coach box I took initiative and told the player to get out of the dugout. After the 3rd out I approached her in the dugout. She at first stated it wasn't her, then said she didn't hear the umpire, then she took the field, tears in her eyes. I let it be. I'm not the HC, not my call to bench her.
Unbeknownst to me, she called her mother in between innings, and said "coach kicked me out of the dugout" and hung up. Quick background on that situation. Mom and boyfriend are not good people. Suspected drug use, seen drinking heavily during games, issues at hotels when traveling, but usually appreciative of coaching efforts. My kid and their kid go to the same school, different grade levels, and we live .5 miles apart. Boyfriend is on probation for some bad things.
About 30 minutes later mom and boyfriend are directly behind the dugout, livid. Boyfriend is staring at me, and says "him and I are going to have a little chat" I let him know we are mid-game, and now is not the time, he loses his cool starts yelling threats, and looking for a way into the dugout. Female Manager takes control of the situation, and gets him to chill out. He stares at me behind the dugout, for the next 3 hours. HC allows the girl to start pitching and play the next game.
I did not know until speaking with the coaching staff after the situation. That the mother of the kid had called the HC to complain that I was being unfairly critical and speaking abusively towards the daughter days before the tournament. This is what led to this flare up. Now I am up for criticism in my coaching, but this is the furthest thing from the truth. In fact, I was asked by the mother to give a ride home from school on 10/11, and had not seen her daughter since. She missed 2 practices out of town, and I missed the following week with work travel. The first time I had seen this girl, was this day at the tournament. Daughter and mom could not come up with any specific that was said or done when HC inquired.
No further incidents have happened. I left for a flight early Sunday morning, and did not attend the game Sunday. I spoke with my daughter about the situation to find out more information. It turns out, the girl and my daughter do not like each other at the moment. Kid stuff, my daughter went to the movies with this kids friend on the team. Kid started rumors about my daughter having feelings for the girl(not that there is a problem with that, but not my kids thing, and it's a teammate). My daughter confronted her, and the girl lied through her teeth and blew her off.
Here's my question, what do I do as an assistant coach and parent. I have never had an issue or complaint with the 15 different teams/seasons I have coached, so this is foreign territory for me. We had an issue early last spring with a girl starting the same type of rumors and issues a 1 week suspension, the girl ultimately quit the team(top hitter, terrible attitude) HC has taken this girl on as his personal pitching project, and is very close with this kid. We have 2 tournaments left before strength and conditioning this winter.
I discussed with HC that I feel threatened by the boyfriend that has nothing to lose. As a 35 year old man coaching 13 year old girls, I feel like I am leaving myself open to potentially worse lies from this girl that can affect my personal life if this girl really wants to double down. I informed him if changes are not made with boyfriend not being allowed to events, and or kid being removed from the team(temporary or permanent) I will be considering stepping down as HC.
As a parent, I have explained to my daughter how to handle the situation, and in life there are people that want to bring you down. I fear that the school situation will escalate, but she's ready to handle that appropriately should need be.
Any advice here, or has anyone dealt with a similar situation. I tried to include as much detail as possible, but I can elaborate in PM if necessary.
Background, I am an assistant coach on my daughters 04 14a team. We recently moved up from a 12b program, and are taking our lumps. I prospectively will be taking over as head coach in the Spring.
Pool play Saturday out girls were cheering, and one girl was banging balls on the bench in rythym. Umpire called time, approached the dugout, and said to stop as artificial noise is not allowed. When he turned around to head back to the plate, our player did it again. From the 1st base coach box I took initiative and told the player to get out of the dugout. After the 3rd out I approached her in the dugout. She at first stated it wasn't her, then said she didn't hear the umpire, then she took the field, tears in her eyes. I let it be. I'm not the HC, not my call to bench her.
Unbeknownst to me, she called her mother in between innings, and said "coach kicked me out of the dugout" and hung up. Quick background on that situation. Mom and boyfriend are not good people. Suspected drug use, seen drinking heavily during games, issues at hotels when traveling, but usually appreciative of coaching efforts. My kid and their kid go to the same school, different grade levels, and we live .5 miles apart. Boyfriend is on probation for some bad things.
About 30 minutes later mom and boyfriend are directly behind the dugout, livid. Boyfriend is staring at me, and says "him and I are going to have a little chat" I let him know we are mid-game, and now is not the time, he loses his cool starts yelling threats, and looking for a way into the dugout. Female Manager takes control of the situation, and gets him to chill out. He stares at me behind the dugout, for the next 3 hours. HC allows the girl to start pitching and play the next game.
I did not know until speaking with the coaching staff after the situation. That the mother of the kid had called the HC to complain that I was being unfairly critical and speaking abusively towards the daughter days before the tournament. This is what led to this flare up. Now I am up for criticism in my coaching, but this is the furthest thing from the truth. In fact, I was asked by the mother to give a ride home from school on 10/11, and had not seen her daughter since. She missed 2 practices out of town, and I missed the following week with work travel. The first time I had seen this girl, was this day at the tournament. Daughter and mom could not come up with any specific that was said or done when HC inquired.
No further incidents have happened. I left for a flight early Sunday morning, and did not attend the game Sunday. I spoke with my daughter about the situation to find out more information. It turns out, the girl and my daughter do not like each other at the moment. Kid stuff, my daughter went to the movies with this kids friend on the team. Kid started rumors about my daughter having feelings for the girl(not that there is a problem with that, but not my kids thing, and it's a teammate). My daughter confronted her, and the girl lied through her teeth and blew her off.
Here's my question, what do I do as an assistant coach and parent. I have never had an issue or complaint with the 15 different teams/seasons I have coached, so this is foreign territory for me. We had an issue early last spring with a girl starting the same type of rumors and issues a 1 week suspension, the girl ultimately quit the team(top hitter, terrible attitude) HC has taken this girl on as his personal pitching project, and is very close with this kid. We have 2 tournaments left before strength and conditioning this winter.
I discussed with HC that I feel threatened by the boyfriend that has nothing to lose. As a 35 year old man coaching 13 year old girls, I feel like I am leaving myself open to potentially worse lies from this girl that can affect my personal life if this girl really wants to double down. I informed him if changes are not made with boyfriend not being allowed to events, and or kid being removed from the team(temporary or permanent) I will be considering stepping down as HC.
As a parent, I have explained to my daughter how to handle the situation, and in life there are people that want to bring you down. I fear that the school situation will escalate, but she's ready to handle that appropriately should need be.
Any advice here, or has anyone dealt with a similar situation. I tried to include as much detail as possible, but I can elaborate in PM if necessary.