5 Simple Rules for Surviving High School Softball

[Justafan]

I have written several responses and deleted them each time. Those responses would not serve any positive purpose. Instead, I'll stay consistent with the advice I have often given on this and other sites. If your DD's HS experience is so awful, remove your child from it. It can be that simple.

Considering quitting?

I know "sticking it out" is the usual right answer. I however, am a fan of quitting. Life is too short. Childhood is too short. F that noise, as the kids (used to) say.

Thanks for the replies and the commiseration. She’s gone back and forth on the quitting question. On the one hand, it’s miserable and why go through that. On the other, why let him take away her high school experience of playing a sport she loves. She has pride in being on the team. Most of her friends play softball, they are her people. She was chosen (only one per athletic team) to be part of the athletic leadership group for the school – a pretty hard thing to get and she’d have to give that up (coach has no say in this selection btw).

She had a conversation with him since I last wrote. He told her he yells at her because he can’t yell at his DD or she will break down. He also yells at her to get underneath the umpire’s skin. She asked about an instance where she covered a bunt and the 1st baseman set up on the safety bag, her throw went to the left side so was overthrown. She tried to talk to the 1st baseman to ask her to set up on the left side so she doesn’t have to throw through the runner. The coach screamed at her that the 1st base (he considers her a second “daughter”) can set up wherever the hell she wants. Next batter bunted, same spot, she covered it. This time no one on 2nd to throw to and the 1st baseman crashed towards home right in the line of the throw to 1st. My DD didn’t throw – no chance for an out at either base. The coach was livid and yelled at her screaming answer me, why didn’t you throw it, answer me now while all just watched in awe. He claims he doesn’t remember this. It’s ridiculous. I could go on and on about what he’s done and the lies/deflections with the conversation he had with her.

She’s going to try to stick it out for now due to the above reasons and just try to take it as practice for travel and ignore him. She wants to play in college and is just trying to keep her sights on that. My goal is to get him fired. I don’t think I’ll have much success but it is a private school so I might make some progress if the other parents back me up which they say they will.

It's really disappointing. High school ball is supposed to be fun.

 

[Dabears17]

Considering quitting?

I know "sticking it out" is the usual right answer. I however, am a fan of quitting. Life is too short. Childhood is too short. F that noise, as the kids (used to) say.

It sounds horrible. I'm sorry your DD is dealing with th

I deeply appreciate CB, JD, and numerous other high school coaches both on this forum and in real life. Especially after COVID, players need to take care of their mental health. I worry about girls who play for yellers/bully coaches in their future relationships.

My daughter didn't mesh with the new HS HC. I asked her to stick it out to spring break. After the first week of games she told me it was affecting her mental health and she didn't want to spend the rest of her senior year being miserable 2 hours a day, 4 to 5 days a week. I let her retire from softball a month earlier than we had planned.

Thus my avatar.

 

[Cannonball]

Thanks for the replies and the commiseration. She’s gone back and forth on the quitting question. On the one hand, it’s miserable and why go through that. On the other, why let him take away her high school experience of playing a sport she loves. She has pride in being on the team. Most of her friends play softball, they are her people. She was chosen (only one per athletic team) to be part of the athletic leadership group for the school – a pretty hard thing to get and she’d have to give that up (coach has no say in this selection btw).

She had a conversation with him since I last wrote. He told her he yells at her because he can’t yell at his DD or she will break down. He also yells at her to get underneath the umpire’s skin. She asked about an instance where she covered a bunt and the 1st baseman set up on the safety bag, her throw went to the left side so was overthrown. She tried to talk to the 1st baseman to ask her to set up on the left side so she doesn’t have to throw through the runner. The coach screamed at her that the 1st base (he considers her a second “daughter”) can set up wherever the hell she wants. Next batter bunted, same spot, she covered it. This time no one on 2nd to throw to and the 1st baseman crashed towards home right in the line of the throw to 1st. My DD didn’t throw – no chance for an out at either base. The coach was livid and yelled at her screaming answer me, why didn’t you throw it, answer me now while all just watched in awe. He claims he doesn’t remember this. It’s ridiculous. I could go on and on about what he’s done and the lies/deflections with the conversation he had with her.

She’s going to try to stick it out for now due to the above reasons and just try to take it as practice for travel and ignore him. She wants to play in college and is just trying to keep her sights on that. My goal is to get him fired. I don’t think I’ll have much success but it is a private school so I might make some progress if the other parents back me up which they say they will.

It's really disappointing. High school ball is supposed to be fun.

The coach's answer strikes me as odd. Why does he have to yell at anyone? In every game, there are times to speak up/out and times to realize that, as a coach, you left a stone unturned. IOWs, the example with the bunt. That is not the time to yell and instead is the time to coach. Take a time out and go to the circle to get everyone on the same page.

 

[Northball]

Thanks for the replies and the commiseration. She’s gone back and forth on the quitting question. On the one hand, it’s miserable and why go through that. On the other, why let him take away her high school experience of playing a sport she loves. She has pride in being on the team. Most of her friends play softball, they are her people. She was chosen (only one per athletic team) to be part of the athletic leadership group for the school – a pretty hard thing to get and she’d have to give that up (coach has no say in this selection btw).

She had a conversation with him since I last wrote. He told her he yells at her because he can’t yell at his DD or she will break down. He also yells at her to get underneath the umpire’s skin. She asked about an instance where she covered a bunt and the 1st baseman set up on the safety bag, her throw went to the left side so was overthrown. She tried to talk to the 1st baseman to ask her to set up on the left side so she doesn’t have to throw through the runner. The coach screamed at her that the 1st base (he considers her a second “daughter”) can set up wherever the hell she wants. Next batter bunted, same spot, she covered it. This time no one on 2nd to throw to and the 1st baseman crashed towards home right in the line of the throw to 1st. My DD didn’t throw – no chance for an out at either base. The coach was livid and yelled at her screaming answer me, why didn’t you throw it, answer me now while all just watched in awe. He claims he doesn’t remember this. It’s ridiculous. I could go on and on about what he’s done and the lies/deflections with the conversation he had with her.

She’s going to try to stick it out for now due to the above reasons and just try to take it as practice for travel and ignore him. She wants to play in college and is just trying to keep her sights on that. My goal is to get him fired. I don’t think I’ll have much success but it is a private school so I might make some progress if the other parents back me up which they say they will.

It's really disappointing. High school ball is supposed to be fun.

That coach sounds like a new level of crazy.
Consider recording the games. It could either provide undeniable evidence when it's time to talk to the AD, or settle the coach down knowing he's being watched.

 

[BrianTx01]

Just remember however bad you think your kids high school coach is my kid's is far worse. She spent all of non district demanding they "stop at contact' when hitting.

 

[BrianTx01]

So why is softball unique? We got our coach after she got fired from being the basketball coach. Girls basketball doesn't pay the bills either. I agree with you that you can't get rid of her but why does softball get the absolute worst coach?

 

[John T]

“Understand that doesn’t mean I’m about to bash high school coaches” but I’m about to bash high school coaches…two sided mouth!

Personally, I really enjoy high school season. In many ways, I enjoy high school softball more than the travel ball season.

And it costs thousands less than travel ball!

 

[Gambler Bob]

“Understand that doesn’t mean I’m about to bash high school coaches” but I’m about to bash high school coaches…two sided mouth!

And it costs thousands less than travel ball!

Over $10,000 less in my case.

 

[pdqkevin]

So, the good news is your daughter made the high school fastpitch softball team. Congratulations! That’s a relief, especially in those increasingly rare instances where high school softball programs are still actually cutting players. Now the “bad” news: if you’ve never been through the experience you could be in for a rude awakening. Because unless […]

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As a former coach and current umpire I can contribute a bit to this discussion. At least where I am, umpires have no control or authority over parents viewing the game. We can not eject anyone outside the fence. Spectator behavior is controlled by the on scene school administrator.
Crazy parents can and do lodge complaints with the admin about coaches and it does become a giant pain. And even if the complaint is found unwarranted the parent ALWAYS keeps trying new complaints until either their kid no longer attends the school or the coach is fired.
It is very true that many HS coaches are not qualified for the job but it is more true that crazy parents think every coach, even when they lead the team to the top level state championship (I did it twice) are incompetent.