How to enjoy the ride

[CoogansBluff]

As recruiting heats up, I can only describe it as a mix of high excitement/high stress. Just wanted to get some advice on enjoying the ride and not handling the anxiety that goes with it. That goes for both DD and parents.

DD has gotten some small college interest for several months now, but just in the past few weeks, some bigger more attractive schools have come knocking. DD has a couple of campus visits at coaches' invitation coming up. She's had those coaches come watch her play. She's about to play 3 out-of-state showcases in the next month to finish her year.

Any words of wisdom to ground us here? DD calls it overwhelming. She's missing 3 days of school, so there's academic stress as well. Biggest stress is the worry that her #1 school that is on the brink of making an offer will go in another direction. Some people say that if you miss one boat, another will come along, but a couple of these are at the top end of her skill level, so she may or may not have those opportunities again.

How do we enjoy it more? Or is this just the way it is until you commit?

 

[MNDad]

You just have to relax and take everything in stride. Chances are her “dream school” will change a couple of times. You’ll run into schools that you like and she doesn’t and vice versa. Schools you’re certain are in love with your DD will suddenly lose interest and schools you never dreamed about will pop into the picture.

After they verbal you can still worry the coach will change their mind before they sign and then you can worry about her scholarship being renewed or whatever. My advice would be to find a way to enjoy and savor the journey. If she receives interest from Big Name U or Dream School State, go to a camp, tour the campus, enjoy the weekend. Treasure it as time spent together. Treat it as an honor that out of the thousands of girls wanting to go to that school they wanted a second look at your DD. Don’t think of it as a success or failure only if you get an offer. DD and I had some great road trips traveling to different cities. I think about a couple that I was stressed out on and how much more fun it could have been had I just relaxed followed my own advice.

Trust me, there is a college out there that’s the perfect fit for your DD. It might be one of the ones already on her radar or a new one altogether. You’re on the right path and things will work out.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I think about a couple that I was stressed out on and how much more fun it could have been had I just relaxed followed my own advice.

It's funny how hard it is for parents to follow the same advice they give their children. I know it sounds good when I say it. Maybe she'll follow my advice and teach me.

 

[rdbass]

I've seen your DD hit. I'm sure you're worry for nothing. but, when your DD finally commits the worrying doesn't stop. It will be one of the greatest feelings that all 'your' hard work did pay off. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you & DD.

 

[Bartow12]

Enjoy the attention. I know it is stressful for everyone, but if she can play it will happen. What everyone thinks is dream school may in fact not be. It will happen. Very proud of mine turning down several BIG D1 offers valuing her degree more than softball. Settled on one that was more of a fit educationally, and more of a fit for things she valued. And still living her dream of D1 softball. After all softball is a means to supplement an education, even the greatest players in the world don't have much worth pursuing after their college career is over. Maybe an Olympic team or pro career that pays just enough to stay on the road for the summer.

Take every visit she can, enjoy the attention. DO NOT STRESS, sounds like she can play so there is a place for her. It is an honor for her to have many schools wanting her. It is still a game and this part is also fun, having programs trying to swoon her to their campus, giving her swag at camps and clinics. What teenager wouldn't want that.

She will only feel as much pressure to commit as you put on her, trust me. Don't make it more stressful for her, sounds like she know what she wants. Sounds like good programs want her.

Best of Luck to her on getting everything she wants.

 

[Indiana]

My DD is a high school senior. We're right in the thick of things, but I've learned a few things so far along the way:

If it's meant to happen, it will. I always thought that this was a ridiculous thing to hear, especially when we went on college visit trips and the admissions counselor from an ivy league school would say, "just send us your scores and grades and write about yourself. If we think you're super-awesome-amazing we'll admit you. Otherwise you'll do just fine somewhere else" I would think to myself, "just who in the heck do you (the admissions counselor) think you are?" But it's true. If they want you, for academics, athletics or both, then it's a good fit. If not, it really wasn't a good fit and you wouldn't have been happy there.

If a coach is interested, you'll know. She/he will make it extremely obvious. If they're not interested, they're not interested. It's OK. There may be a school that YOU are extremely interested in, but your daughter isn't. It wasn't meant to be.

If your daughter ends up at a far reach school by some late in the game last minute pick-up slot, she may be the bottom-of-the-depth-chart kid, and you don't want that. I've been there. Traveling hundreds of miles and missing key classes to not play is not super fun. I did manage to scrape out a starting spot for myself by senior year, but I had to work extremely hard and completely change my position and style of play. The payoff was some fun and enjoyment senior year. Not an offer to go pro and earn a gazillion dollars. Looking back, I missed out on a lot of other things that my University had to offer. Was it worth it? I don't know, because I have nothing to compare it to. Maybe.

And if DD goes to a school and hates it with the white hot intensity of 1000 suns and wants to come home and try again, that's OK too. Life is fluid. You're allowed to keep trying until it works.

Am I still super worried and stressed most of the time? Of course. The ceiling fan and I are best friends, due to the amount of time we spend staring at each other in the wee hours. But I just try to keep it all in perspective and love every day that I have with DD until she flies away.

 

[Acatchersmom]

We have a visit next weekend with one of the schools my dd is interested in. It's the first one where a coach said "when are you coming up to visit". Not sure what it all means. He has come to see her play. It's a very good D3 school and she is a jr. What should we expect? What questions should we be asking? It's not her top choice but it is on her maybe list. Any advice would be very helpful!!


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[RubberBiscuit]

Coming from a dad who thought "OMG we must do everything exactly perfectly right to solidify DD landing in the school/team of her dreams" => here was our reality:

1. Head coach that "hired" DD left dream school right before her freshman year
2. Dream school team ended up being a complete mismatch
3. Dream school did not have DD's new major she landed on in her freshman year

This could happen to you too - and it makes all the nervousness and pressure that was self-induced by DD & I, pre-college,... well seem so,......silly.

But this is just one story - I am sure there are others that landed on the other side of the coin.

 

[Acatchersmom]

Thanks. It's not actually her dream school...more like 3rd on her list I just don't know what to expect? What are some kind of questions we should ask or not ask ? Lol


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[JAD]

Keep your options open and once you have an "acceptable" offer from a school that you and your DD like you can both breath a sigh of relief and enjoy the process. Recruiting is a lot like playing musical chairs and once you feel confident that your DD will have a spot when the music stops playing, you are a lot more relaxed. You should also keep your options open because you never know when an offer might come out of "left field" and it will be better than anything you or your DD imagined. My DD always dreamed of playing in the SEC, but when you peel back the layers at most SEC schools you start to realize that it is a grind, and they expect a 50-75% attrition rate between the freshman and sophomore years. Some players thrive off of the competition, but my DD (and her parents) decided a school that puts "student" before "athlete" would be a much better fit in the long run.