When Does Winning Become Important?

[Dabears17]

For me, winning is when I go to the high school graduations of players I've coached and get to see the strong, confident, young women they have become.

 

[CoogansBluff]

I'd be curious to know how kids of various ages would answer. Adults often believe it is their job to tell kids how to feel about winning and losing instead of taking cues from the children and going at their speed.

 

[TMoney]

It's important the first time they step on the field. If it wasn't important, we wouldn't play games, we would have clinics. The thing is, you can't just say "oh, you're only _ years old, winning is not important", and then expect them to flip a switch when they get older. Some girls have no problem with losing, others despise it. I would suspect the ones that despise it, will most likely achieve more in their softball career than those that don't.

 

[CoogansBluff]

The thing is, you can't just say "oh, you're only _ years old, winning is not important", and then expect them to flip a switch when they get older.

With respect, I don't agree. I believe that some kids can and do flip a switch when they get older. I've seen some who weren't that into the winning/losing who became very competitive with softball later, and vice-versa. I don't think we need to tell them expressly that winning is or isn't important. Let them decide.

Some girls have no problem with losing, others despise it. I would suspect the ones that despise it, will most likely achieve more in their softball career than those that don't.

Not sure if that's true, but if so, what do we then do about it? How do we teach kids to despise losing? Should we then make youth sports more competitive than most youth might make it themselves in an attempt to train them to be more competitive and despise losing? For their own good?

 

[BobInMadison]

Winning is important, although some leagues don't keep score at a young age.
Winning just isn't THE most important thing for most levels.
For rec league, it is about the 4th most important thing, after having fun, developing players, and letting all the players play.

For bracket play winning is somewhat more important, but for many coaches developing players is more important.

Having fun is always important, but, to quote the title of a backgammon book, winning is more fun.

 

[sluggers]

I'd be curious to know how kids of various ages would answer. Adults often believe it is their job to tell kids how to feel about winning and losing instead of taking cues from the children and going at their speed.

Love this answer.

Anyway...few people really understand competing and winning. They get most of their philosophy from mis-remembered experiences of their youth and half-baked statements of former professional athletes on ESPN. Few people understand what it means to sacrifice to win.

Kids under the age of 14YOA or so aren't competing or trying to win. They are just trying to make their parents/coach happy. Winning and losing at that age is not for the kids, it is for the parents. (My DD#1 pitched and won her first tournament championship game at 14YOA. It was a great experience for me. She doesn't remember the game.)

At some point around 16YOA, some kids start competing and actually want to win for themselves, not just to make Mommy and Daddy proud. It becomes personal. That is when winning becomes important.

 

[coachbob]

HS Varsity, 18U if you are going to a Gold or NPF championship, and college.

Still it is about getting better, improving what you do, preparing properly, and letting the wins take care of themselves. I say prepare like a winner, instead. Coaches today think wins are the most important thing at very young ages, and both TB and HS coaches think players are pawns in serving their own egos. Parents seem to think their own pawn will make the team win, and jockey for position. It is an epidemic. When some of the coaches and parents talk or post, there are more "I's" and "me's" in there than ever.

I think this is correct. In my business, I am wrong 48% of the time. Do I define myself by those losses? No, nor should our kids. I intentionally play a calendar that will yield about a 50% win rate. Why you Say? Because I am coaching 14 year olds who want to play for a long time. I don't care how competitive you are, if your coach plays you against better teams, you are going to lose games. And guess what, you should want to play those better teams! So parents, thank your coach for not playing down. Next time you get Mercied because you played the SoCal Firebusters Platinum team, thank your coach for letting your kid see the next level from the good seats.

 

[Jquick823]

Winning and Losing mean different things to everyone. Last tournament my DD's team went 1-3 AGAIN!!!! I'm the AC and after the game the manager says his part and asks me if I have anything. I sat for a second and said to the girls who here feels like a loser and about half the hands went up, I said who feels like a winner and no hands went up. I said the reason we are 1-3 is because we don't understand the difference between winning and losing. You girls who feel like you're a loser don't know the meaning. I started pointing out plays every girl made and hits and bunts and double plays and said losers don't make those plays they just stand there and watch. I said we lost a game because of score that has a time limit on it. If we play 7 innings we very well could win that game but today we didn't.

We are a newly developed org with experienced girls that have never played together for the most part.

First tourney 1-3 and got run ruled twice
2nd tourney 1-3 run ruled 1 team and run ruled 3 times girls made 18 errors
3rd tourney 1-3 lost 5-2, won 5-2, lost 1-0 and lost 5-3 <------ That is how I define winning and that should be important every day. If the girls get better, realize their talent, gain confidence and start playing as a team then you've won. The trophies are cool for grandma and grandpa but as a coach I don't need one.
4th tourney this weekend.

EDIT: Please understand the context of why I asked if the girls felt like losers. It was after an error cost us an elimination game that we dominated for 85 of the 90 minutes and every one had their head down

 

[quandofloo]

This is an interesting topic for me today. I just finished the toughest rec season I have ever coached, and likely my last. It was my DD's last year as 10U and it is clear to me that she has outgrown rec so we will be moving on. I love the developmental aspect of it and I absolutely love working with SOME of the girls that I get to work with, but the stress of dealing with the other families that flat out don't care has just become too much of a burden to handle anymore. We lost every game this season. Our league has a 5 run per inning limit and my DD and I were talking about the season before the game. She told me she wanted to catch since it was the last game but she said that she would understand if I wanted her to play third if it would help the team more. I told her that it wouldn't matter since we both already knew what the score book would look like after the game was over. I can look at the runs scored in every inning of my games this season and tell you which kids batted in those innings. Our games never last more than 3 innings and we bat all 12 kids so our scores always go 5-2-4, 5-5-1, 3-5-3, etc. I have 6 girls that have improved over the season and 6 kids that have somehow gotten worse than they were when we started. It is clear that their parents expected me to teach them to play softball and make them better, unfortunately, they didn't bring them to the 3 official practices we got to have before the season or to any of the unofficial practices that I held every Saturday on my own time that I always spend with my DD at the ball fields.

That is an incredibly long winded introduction to my point. My DD and one of my AC's DDs are really good ball players. My DD has been playing travel basketball on a team that I coach for the last 4 years where winning matters. We are seeded in the end of year tournament based on our record and we play representing our local schools so there are some pretty intense rivalries. I think this has made her far more competitive than my AC's DD even though his DD plays travel softball. His DD does not get as bothered by the lack of effort from the rec teammates as my DD. My DD has left the last 3 games red faced and on the verge of tears of anger from the lack of effort from her team. Last night she was making every throw for runners stealing bases but didn't get a single out because her teammates weren't applying tags or covering bags. She dropped one third strike and almost knocked out our F3 because she wasn't looking for the ball until it got right on her and yelled at her when she didn't touch the bag after she caught it so the runner was safe. I had to talk her down before she got into the dugout after the last inning because I was honestly afraid that she was going to get into a fight with someone. So, I do think that winning matters more to some kids than it does others and it is our job as parents and coaches to recognize that and to nurture and guide it into a productive force. The fiery teammate that cares can be a huge benefit to a team but can also be a destructive terror if pointed in the wrong direction.

I explain to my basketball team every year when we get started that every game counts but that they can't be concerned with the scoreboard during the game. I will pay attention to those things and make coaching decisions. Their job is to play ball. The same thing goes for my softball teams. I don't care what the scoreboard says. They can't change the way they play based on score. If I need to change strategy then I will, but they just have to execute what they are asked to do. There are no 4 point jump shots and there are no 6 run home runs.

 

[Jojo]

I think winning is important at all ages. It helps foster that drive to want to continue and get better and win more.