The 12-14u pitcher: Either she will or she won't......

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Nov 16, 2016
13
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Ah 12-13 year olds. That wonderful age where they aren't little kids anymore, but they aren't as mature as high school players. I mom/coach 4 different pitchers and the maturity levels between all 4 are night and day. I am also with these same 4 for every single pitching lesson and boy have there been a lot! What I slowly learnt was maturity has to happen at it's own pace. While it can be frustrating to see "wasted talent", you cannot force them to grow up and be more confident and more focused or practice and play totally consistent. They are, afterall, 12ish!!!!! Parents, coaches.....please be patient with this age, don't drive the love of the game out of them like I almost did to my daughter. Here's our story:

My daughter's one friend was always the star of the show at the 10u level. Way more speed and control than other kids her age. She was also way more mature than her peers (aha moment, right?!?!?!). The other 3 (including my daughter) practiced 2-3 times a week and at practice, but they never could quite catch her. They also acted like typical 9-11 year olds. Silly, laughing, having fun. Some days focused on softball some days focused on who the hell knows and you know what.....that was ok. All 4 worked hard over a 3 year period and slowly they all started to have their own thing and their talent levels started to really show.

One girl at 12 is so small and mentally immature (but so darn happy and sweet) that she is barely any better than she was when I started helping her at 9. She really wants to be a pitcher so I still work with her. My studly 10u pitcher is still mechanically a solid pitcher, but the mental aspect has caught up and confidence makes her inconsistent at 13 years old. She still works harder and is more focused than any of my girls (maturity), but she is no longer the star of the show. We work on her mental state as much as we work on her mechanics at practice. She throws a fastball, curveball, change up, drop ball and screwball. The last 3 being constant works in progress as she is still learning them. I very rarely come down on her because a bad outing is not the result of effort. It's the result of shaky confidence. Besides my daughter, we have child #3. Speed demon. Just turned 13. Athletic strong, focused on what she does, but has a tendency to cause silliness and distractions on the team. Her fastball is around 52-54 (at the plate, not hand) and can hit her change up most of the time. Her parents have come back to me and said she is constantly getting hit now at 14u. I explained to them 2 years ago that she needed to start working on movement and other pitches, but they wanted to hear nothing other than fastball, fastball, fastball. This child is willing to learn and is just mature enough that I believe we will be able to catch her up to her peers within 6-9 months. We will start working on that curve ball and placement pitching and I expect she will shine for years to come in spite of the late start with other pitches.

Finally, you have my daughter and the reason I am begging coaches and parents to not burn the fun out of this age group. My daughter is an only child and sweet as pie. No real deep burning drive at an early age, easily immature when with others her own age, and possessed mediocre athleticism. She wanted to start pitching at 10. TBH, I didn't really expect much. I wouldn't pitch her in games as she refused to practice at home. One day, I came home from work and there she was pitching into a net. She asked if I would catch her and I said sure. Too my surprise after our next game, she was in tears. I had told her she could pitch after she practiced. She took that to mean one practice. LOL So we worked on it and we worked on it and to my surprise she wasn't half bad.

We had a few private lessons and she kept improving. I realized she had something and started getting more frustrated with her. Why couldn't she be more serious like her one friend? Why wasn't she naturally more driven and athletic like her other friend? Why wouldn't she willingly and happily practice all the time like the 3rd one? By 11u, she was one of top pitchers in the area, but she didn't look like it was nearly as much fun as it used to be and I was constantly on her. It was always with good intention "You have no idea how good you are but....." There were tons of these conversations and none of them really did anything to move the needle. It just pitted us further and further away from each other. One day, I was talking to her pitching coach (aka complaining about all the things that were frustrating me) and she said to me "Momma, either they will or they won't". I said "what?". She said "Either they will or won't mature....either they will or won't develop that self drive....either they will or won't want to improve....either they will push themselves to be the best or they won't. No matter how much you push at her, it's on her shoulders how far she wants to go from here. She is 12 with a 47 MPH fastball, a great change up, a gorgeous curve, drop, and screwball. She learns faster than any pitcher I have worked with and she is fundamentally further along than her peers. This is all because you have pushed her to come this far and yet you want more. The part you want now, you can't force. Either she will or she won't........."

I went home that night and apologized to my daughter for pushing on her so hard when I should have been cheering and celebrating how much she had already accomplished at the age of 12. She confessed that it wasn't fun anymore and she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep pitching. I hugged her and told her I understood and would support whatever she decided, but that I hoped she would give me a chance to be a more supportive and better coach/mom. That conversation was 6 months ago. Somewhere in the last 3 months as she is getting closer to 13, something inside of her has changed. She asked to start speed and agility. She asks to practice outside of lessons and team practices. At lessons, she is zero'd in and focused. She can throw all of her pitches at marks for strikes consistently. Her fastball is now at about 51 thanks to speed and agility. Her pitching coach began teaching her how to throw a rise. I do not remember the last time I had to tell her to explode off the mound (her leg drive stunk forever and I think I yelled out that phrase at least 1k times in 3 years). Watching her pitch now, I see they joy and pride beaming out of her and I am ashamed I almost drove her away from the sport. She is exactly what she is making of herself and the more I support her, the more she blossoms. If you encourage them and cheer for them, I think they will rather than won't on their own timeline. Hang in there everyone, they will become the potential you see in them. Just make sure they don't quit before that day comes!
 
Last edited:
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
Thank you for sharing! Great post. And isn't it a relief to hear that they either will or they won't, and we aren't in control of that? That we can just let go and let them take the lead? Ahhhhh.
 
Nov 16, 2016
13
0
Thank you for sharing! Great post. And isn't it a relief to hear that they either will or they won't, and we aren't in control of that? That we can just let go and let them take the lead? Ahhhhh.

The ahhhhh is the absolute best part. It brought the joy back for both of us. I hated how serious everything had become even from a coaching perspective. This is a much better place to be coaching/parenting from and the results speak for themselves.
 
May 22, 2014
23
3
Indiana
This post really hit home for me. Thanks so much for posting mimster. I too have a talented 12 yo successful pitcher who LOVES softball, but whom I know could be much further along if she were more focused/motivated. So I am constantly trying to remind myself (sometimes unsuccessfully) to not beat the fun out of it for her. Who cares if she gets better if it comes at the expense of her giving it up later because dear old dad ruined it for her? Thanks again for articulating it so clearly and reminding this nutso dad to let her enjoy the ride.
 
Jan 4, 2016
44
0
Great post. We as parents or coaches are certainly not in control. This post reminds me of a conversation I had with DD earlier this year. She loves softball and came off of a great year pitching 10u. Came out and threw a no-no first game of 12u. Then it seemed she wasn't as committed. I simply told her I'm not here to make you work hard, that's your choice. You hit good and field good so there are 8 other positions you can play and 9 including the bench it's up to you. Seemed to work.
 
Apr 11, 2016
133
28
I agree. DD is 13. She's been pitching since 8 yo. She is very focused in lessons and practices, but refuses to practice on her own. She is an ONLY child and loves the social aspect of the game. We tried to push her to practice more on her own, but that fell into deaf ears. Now with the travel team moving up to 14U and having tons of practices, scrimmages, and round robins, in additions to tournaments, we feel she gets enough pitching practices and don't push that anymore. She is in love with the game now. She plays for a Div B team and used to play for a Div A team, but who cares if she is having fun.

Now if I can just get her to lift weights to gain muscles so she can pitch faster....
 
Aug 21, 2008
2,359
113
I like this post a lot. Well written.

I don't remember if it was on here or another forum where I posted about working with younger kids. It's only an average but, you'll find its pretty accurate: we get 1 minute of attention span per year of age. This is especially when you want a little kid with toys, they go from toy to toy in a matter of minutes. But, what this phrase has meant to me is, Every 10-15 minutes, have her stop and get a drink for 2 minutes. It's not about her being thirsty, make her stop even if she's not thirsty. That 2 minute drink break allows her brain to recharge and refocus. You'll get a MUCH better 10-15 on the flip side of the drink vs. making a kid try to focus and concentrate for 30 (or more) solid minutes. Even in a game, no kid is pitching for 30 solid minutes unless she's having the worst inning of her life. We get 3 outs, the kid sits down gets a drink, talks to her friends, then goes back out for another 3 outs.
 
May 11, 2018
91
18
i think almost every parent of a pitcher hits that point, its all up to DD where this is going. i walked away 2 years ago thinking her pitching was over. it was just the kick in the butt she needed. every year i ask her to quit saying we can get a lake house, dirt bikes, go hiking and fishing all the time. she picks softball every time. now i hit the point of keeping my mouth shut, being positive and supporting her. i only push her on grades and cleaning up her messes all over the house.
 

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