Team is a vehicle for coach's daughter, not much more.

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Oct 4, 2018
2,801
113
All the daddy/mommy ball chatter comes to a new reality when you play on a team without a coaches kid on it,...
Only to find favoritism can be everywhere!
And recognizing~
Playing time is really competing to earn the spot or
"Trying to get as good as you can until every tryout you go to offers you a spot."
Til finally
"The best teams in your area approach you offerng a spot with no tryout!"

Team scenario's are life lessons!
Focus on your softball goals!

75% playing time is a good goal at minimum.
50% primary position
25% secondary

So, so true. You'll hear a lot of people talk about "daddy ball" and we have to be on a team without a parent coach. They simply don't realize or haven't experienced that almost every coach has favorites. It's simply human nature. A coach will soon recognize there are players that make them look good, that make them feel good. There are kids with dispositions that make the coach want to show up to practice more. Kids that just put a smile on their face. Those kids will get preferential treatment. And with some coaches, it's just the same as "daddy ball".

No doubt that a parent coach will probably favor a particular kid more than a non-parent coach. For sure.

My advice? It's the same I give my girls regardless of what team they're on, what sport it is, etc. Hustle, be positive, be helpful, be attentive. Talk to the coach, tell them how you love the game. In essence, become on of their favorites by doing things right. And if you work hard, try hard and care about the game, good things will eventually come.

Does your DD get to play? Does she get to bat? Does she play the positions she's interested in learning? Are you working on those positions outside of regular practice? Does the coach know you're working on those positions outside of practice?

My DD and I almost always show up to practice early and work out on the field (or next to the field if it's taken). Coach arrives and sees us already there working hard. Coaches love that crap. We do it mostly out of love for the game and me wanting time with my DD. But icing on the cake that it shows coach we're ballers.

We've never personally left a team. But in the 3 years we've done travel ball, there's one truth I know: There is a team out there for every girl. Every time a girl I know leaves a team they find a new one. So if it's so bad your DD is starting to not love the game, find a new team.
 
Oct 4, 2018
2,801
113
I recognize that I am not in California, Texas, or Florida, but where are all these travel ball teams with non-parent coaches???

Atlanta suburbs. First year 12U team.

Our coaches are recent graduates, all were all-conference players at their smaller school. They have great experience with the game but are a perhaps a bit less experienced in dealing with crazy parents. I'm doing my part to help alleviate that best I can. I really hope we parents don't run them off as we micro-manage the hell out of everything.
 
Nov 17, 2020
144
28
Huntley, IL
Trying to keep this positive, I am excited to see more and more woman in leadership roles in the game. I know for one that my DD connects better with a woman coach than a man. Yes, I have seen bad woman coaches as well, but overall in my experience, the woman have better attitudes, work better with parents and connect better with players. Just my two cents.
 
Oct 26, 2019
694
93
I took a proactive roll to being the parent head coach of my daughters 10U team. At our first parent meeting where we discussed putting the team together - I told the parents that if I was going to put the time in and volunteer for free that my daughter was going to play at least as much time as anyone else. I have not had any issues with that so far, but if anyone had issues or wanted to guarantee their daughter played every inning of every game I would recommend they start their own team and coach.

Now with all that said, I spread playing time pretty evenly and we only have 11 players so it is not hard to do it.
 
Oct 4, 2018
2,801
113
I took a proactive roll to being the parent head coach of my daughters 10U team. At our first parent meeting where we discussed putting the team together - I told the parents that if I was going to put the time in and volunteer for free that my daughter was going to play at least as much time as anyone else. I have not had any issues with that so far, but if anyone had issues or wanted to guarantee their daughter played every inning of every game I would recommend they start their own team and coach.

Now with all that said, I spread playing time pretty evenly and we only have 11 players so it is not hard to do it.

Amen to that. I was a parent coach and:

1) It takes a lot of time, commitment and effort
2) At younger ages, it's very easy to manage innings played and keep it even
 
Oct 26, 2019
694
93
Amen to that. I was a parent coach and:

1) It takes a lot of time, commitment and effort
2) At younger ages, it's very easy to manage innings played and keep it even
The coaches who have a hard time coaching their own kids are the ones who don’t acknowledge that it’s never going to be the same for her as it is for the other kids. It’s virtually impossible to treat your kids the same as you treat everyone else. I think it’s better to just acknowledge that and move forward.
 
Jul 14, 2018
686
93
Am I frustrated? Yeah. Anyone been here before and advice appreciated.

To the OP: your decision seems pretty clear-cut, if there are other teams in your area, you should look to move.

DD’s team at 12u had a more complex situation. Coach’s daughter was probably the worst player on the team; poor hitter, poor fielder, decent speed but not an aggressive base runner. Yet she batted second and played every inning of every game.

But her dad was a terrific coach. He played P5 baseball and gave enormous amounts of time working with the whole team. He absolutely made DD a better player.

Our problem was that DD was late to the team, and being parent-coached all of the families spent time together off the field. It became pretty apparent that the coach wasn’t going to sit his daughter, or the AC’s daughters, or even OF Sally because he was spending a week on the shore with Sally’s family. So DD sat a lot, and we had to leave a good team.

One other note about favoritism. As others have said, it happens with parent and non-parent coaches alike. DD’s current non-parent coaches absolutely favor her, but she has earned that favoritism through hard work and a willingness to do whatever the team needs from her (like pitching every game in a tournament). She’s the first to arrive, the last to leave, and has missed two practices in three years, never missed a game.


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Jun 8, 2016
9,307
113
To the OP (in order of importance at her age) is:
a) your kid having fun
b) your kid learning the game/improving at an acceptable rate
c) your kid's team playing a schedule which challenges her

I coached my DD in rec basketball for a few seasons...I had to otherwise she wouldn't have been able to play. She was the best kid on the team by far and also the only kid who I would get on. Knowing myself, I won't be coaching any of my kid's teams anymore...they need a break from the coaching I give them outside of organized practices/games.
 
Aug 11, 2016
123
28
The first U12 team our DD played for was coached by a college player... not a great experience due to lack of maturity with that coach. When she moved to U14, she played with a Daddy’s coach. She ended up playing a lot because he could not afford to sit her down (best catcher in the team, and one of the better hitters). The next U14 team was coached by a non-dad coach, with a lot of experience. My DD learned a lot.

The first U18 team, another Daddy’s coach. In this case, he was another catcher’s dad. To be fair, he split the catcher duty between my DD and his DD almost equally.

During the past two U18 years for my DD, we had been blessed and fortunate, to find an organization where teams are coached by DIII college coaches. Her current coach is a head coach at a D3 college, and the assistant coach is an assistant coach at a D3 college.

Is a very different dynamic, which is really important at this showcase level. Being college coaches, they know how to prepare the girls to talk to coaches, and they also have a network of coaches (they know each other). I wish we had find this organization earlier, but I guess we found it at the right time.

At 12U, your DD is still young. You never know how this whole thing will turn out to be. Just keep looking. If you feel that this team is not the right fit, and your DD is not having fun at this stage, look for another team.


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