Struggling player - what to do as a parent?

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Jun 11, 2019
14
3
My DD is on an upper B-level 16U travel team. Has played softball since she was 6. While she enjoys the game and LOVES being with the team, her overall game skills are average…at best. There are times where you see the potential for her to be an above average player Great focus, good athletic plays, solid and confident. Not a star player by any means, but solid and reliable. But, unfortunately, more often than not lately, she is playing scared, not-confident or focused, errors everytime the ball is hit to her and non-productive at bats.
I could write it off as a slump, but this pattern has been going on for years and I just don’t know what to say anymore. I try to boost her confidence, celebrate the good plays, gently point out where she could improve, or say nothing if that is the vibe I’m getting.
She is not being pressured to play by us. We have been very open with her that if she isn’t enjoying the game anymore and wants to be done, that’s fine. It’s her choice.
She doesn’t want to be done.
The biggest issue *I* have is that I don’t think she truly grasps the gap that is widening between her and the rest of the team in regards to skill. I don’t think she understands how important consistency and a little mental focus and toughness are at this age level. You can’t keep saying “I was nervous…I wasn’t sure….” when making errors or not being aggressive. I think she has the mindset that she’s played with these girls for this long and will just continue to get to make the team … or be on varsity next year for her school team… because that is what is supposed to happen.
As her parent and also an observer, I can tell you that that is not going to happen unless there are some major improvements.
Please note, it’s not that she has an entitled attitude and thinks she deserves to play varsity, upper level team, etc. It’s more that she thinks that’s how it’s always been, so why would now be different. I’m at a loss for what more to say or do. Do I just let her ride it out and let her find out what happens? I mean, I guess there isn’t anything else to do but that, but it’s hard. It’s really hard to watch and observe. Advice? Thoughts? Similar experiences?
 
Mar 8, 2016
313
63
Smallfry

I don't have a direct answer but my suggestions is to offer to help her work put on her own if you have a place you can do it. The extra reps hitting and in the field should help and if nothing comes of it you still got to spend a lot of time with your DD. As the father of a dd in college those times are great memories.
 
Feb 20, 2020
377
63
I've got a 16U player who is in your same position.

They are at the age where most of our job is done, and these are lessons they sort of have to learn on their own. She knows what she CAN do to get better, but she's got a whole life now, and spending an extra hour a day working on softball for a minimal payoff might not sound as fun as it did when she was younger. MIne's got a job, close friends, a penchant for gardening. Plus college essays and deciding where to go to school. Unless you're a superstar, or you're one of those people who loves playing softball more than anything else, it's hard to come up with justifications for getting better. Especially when you're a B player, you know there are divisions high above you, and you just aren't going to turn into Amanda Lorenz or Rachel Garcia.

If you want to help her, and she wants to get better, I'd focus on hitting. Get hr a private coach -- it's camp season, so maybe find a camp nearby. If you want to invest money, we're having pretty good success with the Occulus and Win Reality for identifying pitches. If she becomes a good hitter, her HS coach will see her as an asset. That's something you can do now to help.

But the reality is, they're growing up. It's great and it sucks. DD is playing in what might be her last tourney this weekend -- after a decade as a scorekeeper, it might be my last time doing that. And partof that transition for us is learning that their lives are now theirs, and we gotta let them have them.
 
Apr 20, 2018
4,581
113
SoCal
16 is a little late to start working on confidence, but it can and should be done. There are books that cover confidence, breathing, visualizing and focus. Buy her one. Has she been to college camps? Been evaluated? What does her coach say? Extra work will be needed. Get her evaluated by an instructor or coach from another team and ask them to be clear and straight forward with their eval and their advice moving forward. Maybe she will " truly grasps the gap that is widening between her and the rest of the team in regards to skill." Better now than than finding out she didn't make varsity.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
My DD is on an upper B-level 16U travel team. Has played softball since she was 6. While she enjoys the game and LOVES being with the team, her overall game skills are average…at best. There are times where you see the potential for her to be an above average player Great focus, good athletic plays, solid and confident. Not a star player by any means, but solid and reliable. But, unfortunately, more often than not lately, she is playing scared, not-confident or focused, errors everytime the ball is hit to her and non-productive at bats.
I could write it off as a slump, but this pattern has been going on for years and I just don’t know what to say anymore. I try to boost her confidence, celebrate the good plays, gently point out where she could improve, or say nothing if that is the vibe I’m getting.
She is not being pressured to play by us. We have been very open with her that if she isn’t enjoying the game anymore and wants to be done, that’s fine. It’s her choice.
She doesn’t want to be done.
The biggest issue *I* have is that I don’t think she truly grasps the gap that is widening between her and the rest of the team in regards to skill. I don’t think she understands how important consistency and a little mental focus and toughness are at this age level. You can’t keep saying “I was nervous…I wasn’t sure….” when making errors or not being aggressive. I think she has the mindset that she’s played with these girls for this long and will just continue to get to make the team … or be on varsity next year for her school team… because that is what is supposed to happen.
As her parent and also an observer, I can tell you that that is not going to happen unless there are some major improvements.
Please note, it’s not that she has an entitled attitude and thinks she deserves to play varsity, upper level team, etc. It’s more that she thinks that’s how it’s always been, so why would now be different. I’m at a loss for what more to say or do. Do I just let her ride it out and let her find out what happens? I mean, I guess there isn’t anything else to do but that, but it’s hard. It’s really hard to watch and observe. Advice? Thoughts? Similar experiences?
Pattern for years...
Has she ever set goals?
Did you ever talk about that?
Btw,
Its fine to play softball for whatever reasons!!!
Some are participants in an activity.
Participate when at a team function. Yet not involved as much to do more with it.
Which is ok.

Maybe she's just fine where she's at.
_______________

This topic does bring up some of the differences in perspectives on
Activity Hobby vs. Goal oriented purpose.
Both are okay,
But when these different people goals/intensions mix, can tend to see the differences.
Which in basic form~
This topic tends to BE a factor for many folks trying to find the right team.
Some want an environment that will push.
Others less push.
Some want no push.

That said
Perhaps she has the answer for herself already ;)
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
Why does she want to play softball? Does she enjoy the sport itself? Does she enjoy the time with her friends? Does she have goals to play in high school and beyond? Perhaps all of the above... Perhaps none of the above. Understanding her reasons for continuing could lead to your solution, if there is one. As others have stated, maybe she is happy with her current level and outlook. There is nothing wrong with that. If it is truly a confidence issue, I would suggest getting the Jennie Finch book "Throw Like a Girl". I have not read it personally, but my daughter has it and has suggested it to others. You do not need to be a pitcher to enjoy this book.
 
Jun 11, 2019
14
3
16 is a little late to start working on confidence, but it can and should be done. There are books that cover confidence, breathing, visualizing and focus. Buy her one. Has she been to college camps? Been evaluated? What does her coach say? Extra work will be needed. Get her evaluated by an instructor or coach from another team and ask them to be clear and straight forward with their eval and their advice moving forward. Maybe she will " truly grasps the gap that is widening between her and the rest of the team in regards to skill." Better now than than finding out she didn't make varsity.

Great questions! To be honest, she struggles with confidence in many areas of life. Seems especially more apparent after the year of COVID isolation. :( Her coach encourages her and is constantly trying to teach and help her improve. But, perhaps an outside instructor would be a great idea. Someone who is completely objective and can be as clear and straight forward as possible.
 
Jun 11, 2019
14
3
Why does she want to play softball? Does she enjoy the sport itself? Does she enjoy the time with her friends? Does she have goals to play in high school and beyond? Perhaps all of the above... Perhaps none of the above. Understanding her reasons for continuing could lead to your solution, if there is one. As others have stated, maybe she is happy with her current level and outlook. There is nothing wrong with that. If it is truly a confidence issue, I would suggest getting the Jennie Finch book "Throw Like a Girl". I have not read it personally, but my daughter has it and has suggested it to others. You do not need to be a pitcher to enjoy this book.

Enjoys the sport and enjoys the team atmosphere and teammates. Is currently in high school and wants to play until she graduates, but no illusions that she will play in college, except for fun.
 
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