Parent Drama - need advice.

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Oct 24, 2022
7
3
Hey all!

I’ll start by mentioning I am not a coach. I am simply a 10u parent learning the in’s and out’s of TB. I’ll try not to ramble here - please bear with me. :)

Is it common in 10u for teammates to compete against each other? Furthermore, is it common for parents to partake in the competition? My daughter is a 2nd year 10u. She pitches, plays center and 1st base. We’ve been having issues with another family on the team, of a pitcher, who tends to try to cause drama over who pitches more often, whose faster, etc. This is the family that sits alone, way out near left or right fields during games. Our daughter is fast - but not the fastest on the team. She is however, the most consistent on the team. Our daughter throws strikes 9/10 and is the only one on her team who knows the Change Up right now. Coaches, I think, have been very fair in rotation of starting pitchers. If our daughter doesn’t start a game, she is often pulled in for relief. This other family absolutely cannot stand that our daughter sometimes sees more innings on the mound than their daughter does. They state it’s unfair and that my husband and I are @ss kissers in lack of better terms. This is entirely untrue. We have a positive parent-coach relationship but we are absolutely not ‘@as kissers” Our daughter puts in work. She has an hour long private lesson every week. She also attends a position specific team pitching practice every week and practices regularly at home. She loves what she does. There is SO much tension around these parents it’s often hard to sit at practice in the same facility or field as them. It feels so toxic. It feels as if they’re trying to turn other parents against us for absolutely nothing. Their daughter also often tells my daughter “I’m a better pitcher than you because I’m faster.” My daughter knows to ignore it.
This same family made horrible comments about another family last season because the other families daughter was a strong pitcher and saw a wee bit more mound time than theirs did. The kicker here is that this ‘families’ daughter is a super fantastic Short stop, the strongest on the team, and often plays there if she’s not pitching. This family thinks their daughter needs the mound ALL THE TIME and will stop at nothing to drag down other pitchers on the team. Anytime their daughter does have the mound, our daughter is always cheering her on, even if she and her family isn’t so nice to our daughter. Our facility is built on ‘no drama’ ‘no bullying’ type feel. I’m unsure whether I bring my concerns up with the facility lead or not. I don’t want to create more drama by sharing my concerns or be viewed as ‘that parent’ if you know what I mean. I hope this make sense and I’m more than willing to clarify on things. I’m just completely shook by this to be honest. This is a TEAM and I feel these girls are supposed to be competing as a team, not against each other.
 
Jun 8, 2016
14,235
113
If it is effecting your DD's enjoyment of the game then you need to do something, either talk to the coach,etc. or find another team. Otherwise I would leave it alone and just stay clear of them (I haven't watched DD practice for 3 or 4 years..) Those type of parents typically don't stick around with 1 team for very long..
 
Last edited:
Jun 19, 2020
54
18
Hey all!

I’ll start by mentioning I am not a coach. I am simply a 10u parent learning the in’s and out’s of TB. I’ll try not to ramble here - please bear with me. :)

Is it common in 10u for teammates to compete against each other? Furthermore, is it common for parents to partake in the competition? My daughter is a 2nd year 10u. She pitches, plays center and 1st base. We’ve been having issues with another family on the team, of a pitcher, who tends to try to cause drama over who pitches more often, whose faster, etc.
What your dealing with is fairly common in the 10U / 12U world. As stated in another reply if it's not negatively affecting your daughter, and you can avoid them then be the bigger person and do that. If your family leaves then they are getting their way. The softball world will allow you to meet many unbelievable people who you can create lifelong friendships with. It will also introduce you to some of the sorriest people I have ever met. They are typically out of the sport by 16U, and its typically the parents who are responsible.

Your first question, Is it common for teammates to compete against one another? Yes, they compete every day against one another. They are growing as players, and should be competing for playing time at practice, and in game performance matters as well. It's is what drives players to work harder, and develop in their craft.

This opportunity gives you a chance to teach your daughter how to be a good teammate!! Cheer on everyone as its a team sport. As a pitcher DD needs them, and they need her.
 
Jul 22, 2015
769
93
Hey all!

I’ll start by mentioning I am not a coach. I am simply a 10u parent learning the in’s and out’s of TB. I’ll try not to ramble here - please bear with me. :)

Is it common in 10u for teammates to compete against each other? Furthermore, is it common for parents to partake in the competition? My daughter is a 2nd year 10u. She pitches, plays center and 1st base. We’ve been having issues with another family on the team, of a pitcher, who tends to try to cause drama over who pitches more often, whose faster, etc. This is the family that sits alone, way out near left or right fields during games. Our daughter is fast - but not the fastest on the team. She is however, the most consistent on the team. Our daughter throws strikes 9/10 and is the only one on her team who knows the Change Up right now. Coaches, I think, have been very fair in rotation of starting pitchers. If our daughter doesn’t start a game, she is often pulled in for relief. This other family absolutely cannot stand that our daughter sometimes sees more innings on the mound than their daughter does. They state it’s unfair and that my husband and I are @ss kissers in lack of better terms. This is entirely untrue. We have a positive parent-coach relationship but we are absolutely not ‘@as kissers” Our daughter puts in work. She has an hour long private lesson every week. She also attends a position specific team pitching practice every week and practices regularly at home. She loves what she does. There is SO much tension around these parents it’s often hard to sit at practice in the same facility or field as them. It feels so toxic. It feels as if they’re trying to turn other parents against us for absolutely nothing. Their daughter also often tells my daughter “I’m a better pitcher than you because I’m faster.” My daughter knows to ignore it.
This same family made horrible comments about another family last season because the other families daughter was a strong pitcher and saw a wee bit more mound time than theirs did. The kicker here is that this ‘families’ daughter is a super fantastic Short stop, the strongest on the team, and often plays there if she’s not pitching. This family thinks their daughter needs the mound ALL THE TIME and will stop at nothing to drag down other pitchers on the team. Anytime their daughter does have the mound, our daughter is always cheering her on, even if she and her family isn’t so nice to our daughter. Our facility is built on ‘no drama’ ‘no bullying’ type feel. I’m unsure whether I bring my concerns up with the facility lead or not. I don’t want to create more drama by sharing my concerns or be viewed as ‘that parent’ if you know what I mean. I hope this make sense and I’m more than willing to clarify on things. I’m just completely shook by this to be honest. This is a TEAM and I feel these girls are supposed to be competing as a team, not against each other.
To some extent this is something you just need to get used to, particularly as a parent of a pitcher. When you put a group of competitive girls together you should expect them to compete with each other. Even when you have a group who plays well as a team there will be several girls who always feel the need to compete with each other, and that's not really a bad thing. If the parents become enough of an issue I'd bring it up to the coach, but if they aren't able to affect your dd's playing time then I'd probably ignore it. BTW, most of the players stay competitive but are able to sort out how to be a good teammate as well by 16u or so. Some of the parents never figure it out.
 
May 27, 2022
231
43
Your daughter is learning other valuable lessons and, it appears, learning to be a better person for it. Being able to cheer for those with whom you are competing against it a tough thing to do. Being able to ignore that and play the game is good.
 
Jun 27, 2021
417
63
Pretty common in the younger groups and these issues take care of themselves. Being a pitchers parent you have to have thick skin and understand some parents believe their daughter is entitled to more mound time because of speed, money for lessons, bigger, older or anything else to fit their why. Some parents quietly cheer for competing pitchers to fail so theirs can be lifted.
 
Apr 20, 2018
3,826
113
SoCal
There should be some competition amongst pitchers. It OK. Your DD is winning. Talk to the coach. Hint that you are considering looking for a better team atmosphere for your DD. He will have to address the other parents and they will leave soon enough. They will not change. They will move from team to team building a poor reputation along the way.
 
Dec 2, 2013
2,954
113
Texas
Wouldn't be surprised if that player stops pitching at some point if she is that good of a SS and hitter. I don't get why at the younger age division pitcher's parents wants their kid to get all the circle time. Rec ball, it makes sense if you are only playing 2 games a week. TB you NEED 3-4 pitchers to get you through a weekend.

As a coach I don't want to have pitchers that are similar in style. I want to have unique pitchers with different spins and speeds. What's gonna happen when the pitcher starts getting shellacked? She will be begging for one of the other pitchers to rescue her.
 
Mar 10, 2020
735
63
Hey all!

I’ll start by mentioning I am not a coach. I am simply a 10u parent learning the in’s and out’s of TB. I’ll try not to ramble here - please bear with me. :)

Is it common in 10u for teammates to compete against each other? Furthermore, is it common for parents to partake in the competition? My daughter is a 2nd year 10u. She pitches, plays center and 1st base. We’ve been having issues with another family on the team, of a pitcher, who tends to try to cause drama over who pitches more often, whose faster, etc. This is the family that sits alone, way out near left or right fields during games. Our daughter is fast - but not the fastest on the team. She is however, the most consistent on the team. Our daughter throws strikes 9/10 and is the only one on her team who knows the Change Up right now. Coaches, I think, have been very fair in rotation of starting pitchers. If our daughter doesn’t start a game, she is often pulled in for relief. This other family absolutely cannot stand that our daughter sometimes sees more innings on the mound than their daughter does. They state it’s unfair and that my husband and I are @ss kissers in lack of better terms. This is entirely untrue. We have a positive parent-coach relationship but we are absolutely not ‘@as kissers” Our daughter puts in work. She has an hour long private lesson every week. She also attends a position specific team pitching practice every week and practices regularly at home. She loves what she does. There is SO much tension around these parents it’s often hard to sit at practice in the same facility or field as them. It feels so toxic. It feels as if they’re trying to turn other parents against us for absolutely nothing. Their daughter also often tells my daughter “I’m a better pitcher than you because I’m faster.” My daughter knows to ignore it.
This same family made horrible comments about another family last season because the other families daughter was a strong pitcher and saw a wee bit more mound time than theirs did. The kicker here is that this ‘families’ daughter is a super fantastic Short stop, the strongest on the team, and often plays there if she’s not pitching. This family thinks their daughter needs the mound ALL THE TIME and will stop at nothing to drag down other pitchers on the team. Anytime their daughter does have the mound, our daughter is always cheering her on, even if she and her family isn’t so nice to our daughter. Our facility is built on ‘no drama’ ‘no bullying’ type feel. I’m unsure whether I bring my concerns up with the facility lead or not. I don’t want to create more drama by sharing my concerns or be viewed as ‘that parent’ if you know what I mean. I hope this make sense and I’m more than willing to clarify on things. I’m just completely shook by this to be honest. This is a TEAM and I feel these girls are supposed to be competing as a team, not against each other.
Hard to imagine as an adult you haven't experienced social behavior before.
You're sitting around listening to parents. Your daughter is out on the field. If she loves what she does that's what matters. Stop listening.
 
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