Lazy kid

[Lightning]

Also, at 12 going on 13 kids may struggle to tell you what's really on their mind. My daughter went through a period where her motivation sucked and it had nothing to do with her desire to play softball, it was about her unhappiness with her team. When she changed teams, the motivation came back - but she really wouldn't talk about her feelings about her first team until she had some distance from that team.

When we talked after she'd been away from her old team for a while, then she gave me and her dad some more insight into her motivation problem. We couldn't get anything out of her at the time because we needed to do less pushing to keep working, and more listening without judging. Lesson learned.

 

[schwabach]

we needed to do less pushing to keep working, and more listening without judging. Lesson learned.

Something I wish I figured out when my kids were toddlers and not middle schoolers.

 

[ExPitcher]

My dd is...similar. during the season, she understands the extra work pays off. but she does not link the December work to her being ready in April. Winter months, I need to push a little to get the extra work in.

At 12U I can see still doing the lessons without the extra work. But by 14U, the child (young adult??) should be / needs to be mature enough to do the work if they want the lessons. I am not sure exactly where that line changes. I imagine it is different for every family situation.

a 14u is not a young adult. I think all parents need to remember this. Some like to play for the camaraderie and are willing to sit on the bench, it's a sign of character, not laziness. However, I would not continue the lessons. I do agree that at 14, someone who is very serious about pitching will want to practice. How much practice may vary, but the competitive, 'be the best drive' is something that comes naturally. Encouragement is fine, but ultimately the drive to be the best pitcher is an innate quality.

 

[ExPitcher]

At 13, considering she is playing multiple sports, she's obviously motivated but she may not have developed a love for a particular sport or position yet. There isn't anything wrong with that, nor does it indicate laziness. If she is happy, I would not push. I would support her wanting to play multiple sports and explain that you are discontinuing the lessons to give her time to decide how much she really wants to pitch, but make sure it isn't presented as a punishment.

 

[alexander58]

sounds like she is afraid to succeed.

Or fail.

 

[Beeg]

Kid says she wants to pitch but won't work at home. Never complains about going to lessons, but never wants to put in extra work aside from that. She did just finish junior high basketball and is getting ready to start volleyball. I feel like on one hand if I take her to lessons she at least throws a couple times a month....on the other hand I think why the hell am I paying for lessons when she won't do what she needs to in order to get better? She's 12, getting ready to turn 13. Doesn't have an at home work ethic for any sport, not basketball, volleyball, or softball. What are your thoughts? Would you continue to fork out $$ for lessons? She has some potential, swears she wants to play, always wants to pitch in games, but doesn't want to work at home for any sport she is doing.

Sounds just like my kid, who has been pitching since she was 8. Yet, unless we drag her to practice, she never wanted to do it on her own. She liked practicing with other kids, but it is tough for us to get other players together outside of team practice. Adding in batting lessons and now agility training (since she turned 14), and we finally decided she is giving up pitching. Pitching is a big commitment for both the player and the parents. I went to every lesson so I could help her with her pre-game warmup. The lessons are an hour away, and the PC cannot give us a set time every week.

 

[bjenkins24]

My daughter practices every day. I taught piano for about 10 years and one thing I learned is that almost 0 kids practice on their own without parents deep involvement. Learning to be consistent with something is something learned just like anything else, and it's not something that the vast majority of kids develop on their own.

What I've learned is consistency is key. Every day my daughter knows she's going to practice, and I always do it with her. At first it was a fight, but now it's just part of her routine. She still doesn't love doing it necessarily, but she does it and it's turned into a good bonding experience for us. Unless I tell her "it's softball time!" I guarantee you she would not be practicing on her own.

After we did it daily for months I told her that it's her decision now. I'm happy to practice with you every day, but if you're not up for it just tell me and that's fine. She usually doesn't want to practice, but the daily consistency beat it into her and she says she feels guilty if she doesn't. I talk to her a lot about how practice is the only way she's going to get good and consistency is key.

There are kids out there that have this drive to work hard and practice like crazy. I've taught hundreds of kids music and now I'm coaching and I've met maybe one kid like that? Anyone else that is successful is because their parents are heavily involved. And often those kids that are driven to do it themselves had parents heavily involved at one point.

Really successful individual practice is almost always not fun. It's rewarding, but not fun. Kids aren't typically born with the ability to understand that. That has to be taught. We can't expect kids to learn it on their own if we don't teach it. Teaching doesn't mean just telling them over and over again. It means letting them experience it first hand, consistently, for years.

Parents will often say stuff like "My kid just won't practice on their own!" And I would always say, that's normal. You have to be there practicing with them until consistent practice is burned into their mind, otherwise they won't learn how. I've found that if there's a "lazy" kid, the blame usually lies on the parent.

 

[cvsoftball]

Or fail.

2 sides of the same coin, eh? lack of self confidence, which is located in the 6 inches between the ears.

 

[nikkilugi]

There's an old saying in the sports world, "You can be good at 3 sports, you can be great at 2 but you can only be exceptional at 1 of them."
In this particular case, my former pitcher is perfectly happy being good at 3 and having fun at all 3. As much as she keeps saying she wants to play collegiate sports, she will end up deeply disappointed because she works at none of them outside of that sport's season. I've tried talking to her about it (not pushing any particular sport) on several occasions but it has fallen on deaf ears. So it's apparent from my (outsiders) view that she's perfectly happy where she is at athletically. I just pray it doesn't hurt too bad when she doesn't get all thos college AS offers she's expecting.

So the question you need to ask your DD is if she's okay with being only good and getting less playing time as the years go on because everyone else will pass her in their chosen sport. The only ones who won't are the ones that continue to have that "rec ball" mentality, don't work at any of them outside of it's season and continue to play all 3. That said, She is only 12. If it were me, I would sit down with her, set a schedule of 2 1 hour workouts outside of lessons with her input, schedule her catcher friend and let her know the lessons will stop when the outside work does. Then leave it up to her. Actions speak louder than words.

This reminds me of what a friend of mine once said. It about 5 years ago when DD was just really getting serious about softball. She said - "I was good at a bunch of sports but I really wish I had focused on one so I could be really great instead of just good" Your statement reminded me of this and I really agree and obviously my friend does too - from personal experience, lol.

To OP - my daughter started out her SB journey as a pitcher and then decided she didn't want to work quite that hard. It took me talking to her and telling her it was ok to not want to pitch anymore, I told her I was tired of all the work I was having to do to keep her going. I didn't have to guilt her into hitting work like I would with pitching. She doubled down on hitting and her position work and has thrived. She also gave up all other sports after freshman year of high school though too. Being a pitcher is hard.