Is it time to cut the drama Queen?

[smddad]

The biggest mistake I see that was made is that both coaches left the field before all their players were picked up.

 

[Hit by the Pitch]

I agree with you to some extent but you are missing the big picture the OP is trying to describe which I am staying out of because I am just a SB coach.

 

[guero_gordo]

If you're only going to play B, there is no need whatsoever to take anyone just because of talent, but you must already know that. Your decision is whether you think you can get the message through without the nuclear option of dropping her.

I have no tolerance for lying, but I've never seen a kid left alone to wait for a ride, nor have I ever known a coach or group of parents that would let it happen. Not at 6, not at 15.

 

[Momo'sDad]

You're far more than an X's and O's softball coach to this young woman. I do not envy your dilemma and yet, I do envy the tremendous opportunity you've been given to provide her with the positive influence and structure that she needs in her life.

No one player is bigger than the team, but for the sake of this young woman and your community, I believe the role you must play is far bigger than the one you signed up for.

 

[sleepwalker]

From reading the original post, it sounds like the travel ball team hasn't been formed yet. If there are girls that you are currently coaching on a Rec. team and they are not coachable, have attitude problems, parents are unruly, can't show up to practice or games, etc., then why would you invite them to play travel ball?

When coaching travel ball, those problems will be magnified several times over. You will be giving your time and money to provide opportunities to girls who want to play the game against better competition. If you can't fix the problem prior to forming the team, don't be fooled in thinking that they will magically go away.

I have coached travel ball for several years and there have been girls that I didn't invite back the following year because of problems during the travel ball season. I have always invited the girls back that were coachable, dependable and had a desire to improve.

Best of luck with your travel ball adventures.

 

[JoeKC]

Clearly you've had your hands full with this young lady for some time, and she's given you every reason to leave her behind. However, you knew that when you posted her story and your dilemma, which leads me to believe you know you can't just walk away from her. That speaks volumes about you, and for that I tip my hat to you. It seems to me what is missing is unwavering ground rules with real consequences. Once you and your assistants have defined exactly what you expect, and are willing to enforce no matter what happens, then two conversations need to happen. First, you and the young lady's mother need to have a candid conversation where you tell her of your concerns, and new rules/consequences going forward. You also need to verbalize your wish to have a positive and lasting influence on her daughter through the great game of softball. If the mother agrees with all rules and consequences, then you need to have an honest and firm discussion with the young lady that includes all the rules/consequences in addition to you verbalizing your genuine belief in her. If either mom or daughter can't live with the rules, I would walk. If they agree by signing your rules/agreement, I would allow her to earn a position on your travel roster.

We're never given more than we can handle, and I believe you are being called to have a positive impact on this young woman at a very critical point in her life. It sounds as if she is desperately looking for structure and "normalcy" in her life. If the team doesn't provide what she needs, she will find it elsewhere.

I'm willing to bet you'll be back here in a year or two telling us about the achievement of an amazing group of young women, and the leadership that one particular young lady has shown over that time..... Good luck coach.

 

[cuzmail]

Clearly you've had your hands full with this young lady for some time, and she's given you every reason to leave her behind. However, you knew that when you posted her story and your dilemma, which leads me to believe you know you can't just walk away from her. That speaks volumes about you, and for that I tip my hat to you. It seems to me what is missing is unwavering ground rules with real consequences. Once you and your assistants have defined exactly what you expect, and are willing to enforce no matter what happens, then two conversations need to happen. First, you and the young lady's mother need to have a candid conversation where you tell her of your concerns, and new rules/consequences going forward. You also need to verbalize your wish to have a positive and lasting influence on her daughter through the great game of softball. If the mother agrees with all rules and consequences, then you need to have an honest and firm discussion with the young lady that includes all the rules/consequences in addition to you verbalizing your genuine belief in her. If either mom or daughter can't live with the rules, I would walk. If they agree by signing your rules/agreement, I would allow her to earn a position on your travel roster.

We're never given more than we can handle, and I believe you are being called to have a positive impact on this young woman at a very critical point in her life. It sounds as if she is desperately looking for structure and "normalcy" in her life. If the team doesn't provide what she needs, she will find it elsewhere.

I'm willing to bet you'll be back here in a year or two telling us about the achievement of an amazing group of young women, and the leadership that one particular young lady has shown over that time..... Good luck coach.

Well put.

Another chance with ground rules spelled out.
Treat her as any other member of the team after that point.

 

[BaldNBeautiful]

You can do your best to help her....but be careful that you do not let her get away with behavior (when in uniform) that you would not let the best behaved player get away with. I will put up with some stuff on a case by case basis if it does not affect the team directly. But lying to a Coach/adult is a biggie. I think you MUST handle that issue, probably with playing time.
It creates two negative outcomes: one, the player begins to think that as long she plays well, she can get away with more and two, it tells the rest of the team that there is not much incentive to do the right thing. The vast majority of girls at this age really do want structure and the security that comes with it. I have learned this the hard way.
Good luck, I think it is obvious that you want the best for her.