If you had to do it all over again....

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Jul 31, 2015
761
93
Reflections. No regrets.

1. Enjoy rec. There is nothing like it. Do not take it seriously, no matter what. The game at this level is as much about making Halloween-themed T-shirts to wear to the next tourney as it is about softball. Control yourself.
2. Move to a 12/14B team before trying 12/14A. Rec to A ball is too big of a jump, even for most superstars.
3. Take what you need from each hitting, catching, pitching coach, then move on. No one person will teach you everything you need.
4. IR all the way. Don't waste time or money on HE.
5. If you are not getting decent playing time, move on! Even if that means stepping back to a B level team, or a team that's less prestigious. Swallow your pride. DD isn't going to get better sitting on the bench or warming up on the sidelines.
6. Realize that you as a parent aren't in control - this is DD's journey. She has to want it just as much as you do, or more. You can force it, but only for so long. What she wants will prevail. Might as well take that path upfront.
7. Understand that TB coaches are there to coach but also to weed out players. Players who don't have the skill, yes, but also players who don't have the drive, passion, work ethic, are only doing it for grandpa, etc.
8. Find a team that wants you. Play for that team. This is true at every level, but most especially in college.
9. Start visiting colleges early! When you go on vacation, or travel to visit relatives or friends, stop by the local schools and check them out. Do this slowly and over time, you will cover a lot of ground and you will save money later on by not having to attend camps at schools that aren't interesting.
10. Make a list of what colleges DD wants to attend. Do this in 9th or 10th grade. Don't know what kind of school she wants? Try this: have DD close her eyes and picture herself at college. Where is she? What type of class is she in? What's the weather like? It is a big school or a small school? City, suburb, rural? Open her eyes. You now have eliminated 80% of colleges. Make a list of the 30-40 schools that fit her criteria.
11. Spend money wisely: weekly private lessons are great, but ask yourself: what will DD gain in the next session that she can't do at home? This goes for hitting, catching, pitching, everything.
12. A better use of funds: get her to a gym starting in HS. Core strength, agility, and overall fitness will make a huge difference on the field. She will learn fitness techniques that she can use her entire life.
13. Grades, grades, grades. As will open more doors than Bs. 1400/32 will open more doors than 1100/27. If you are Rachel Garcia you can get into Harvard with a 3.4 and a 29 ACT. Your DD is not Rachel Garcia.
14. Social media - be careful. Very careful. College coaches look at this. Closely.
15. Strip the superiority and parental bragging rights of D1 from your mind. Find the school and the degree your DD wants. Pursue that. Fill in with softball. Yeah, yeah I know...your DD is a P5 candidate, and she wants to go to school to focus on softball as much as learning. OK then, do it. Realize though that her days will be shaped by a coach who is paid to get as much as they can out of their athletes. Realize what she is giving up to play P5/D1. It will not be a normal college experience.
16. Take pictures and video. It goes by fast.
 
Last edited:
May 6, 2015
2,397
113
Reflections. No regrets.

1. Enjoy rec. There is nothing like it. Do not take it seriously, no matter what. The game is as much about making Halloween-themed T-shirts to wear to the next tourney as it is about softball. Control yourself.
2. Move to a 12/14B team before trying 12/14A. Rec to A ball is too big of a jump, even for most superstars.
3. Take what you need from each hitting, catching, pitching coach, then move on. No one person will teach you everything you need.
4. IR all the way. Don't waste time or money on HE.
5. If you are not getting decent playing time, move on! Even if that means stepping back to a B level team, or a team that's less prestigious. Swallow your pride. DD isn't going to get better sitting on the bench or warming up on the sidelines.
6. Realize that you as a parent aren't in control - this is DD's journey. She has to want it just as much as you do, or more. You can force it, but only for so long. What she wants will prevail. Might as well take that path upfront.
7. Understand that TB coaches are there to coach but also to weed out players. Players who don't have the skill, yes, but also players who don't have the drive, passion, work ethic, are only doing it for grandpa, etc.
8. Find a team that wants you. Play for that team. This is true at every level, but most especially in college.
9. Start visiting colleges early! When you go on vacation, or travel to visit relatives or friends, stop by the local schools and check them out. Do this slowly and over time, you will cover a lot of ground and you will save money later on by not having to attend camps at schools that aren't interesting.
10. Make a list of what colleges DD wants to attend. Do this in 9th or 10th grade. Don't know what kind of school she wants? Try this: have DD close her eyes and picture herself at college. Where is she? What's the weather like? It is a big school or a small school? City, suburb, rural? Open her eyes. You now have eliminated 80% of colleges. Make a list of the 30-40 schools that fit her criteria.
11. Spend money wisely: weekly private lessons are great, but ask yourself: what will DD gain in the next session that she can't do at home? This goes for hitting, catching, pitching, everything.
12. A better use of funds: get her to a gym starting in HS. Core strength, agility, and overall fitness will make a huge difference on the field. She will learn fitness techniques that she can use her entire life.
13. Grades, grades, grades. As will open more doors than Bs. 1400/32 will open more doors than 1100/27. If you are Rachel Garcia you can get into Harvard with a 3.4 and a 29 ACT. Your DD is not Rachel Garcia.
14. Social media - be careful. Very careful. College coaches look at this. Closely.
15. Strip the superiority and parental bragging rights of D1 from your mind. Find the school and the degree your DD wants. Pursue that. Fill in with softball. Yeah, yeah I know...your DD is a P5 candidate, and she wants to go to school to focus on softball as much as learning. OK then, do it. Realize though that her days will be shaped by a coach who is paid to get as much as they can out of their athletes. Realize what she is giving up in terms of a college experience to play P5/D1. It will not be a normal college experience.
16. Take pictures and video. It goes by fast.

should be tagged/tacked/whatever, and be required reading for all new DFP members.
 
Jul 31, 2015
761
93
Here’s more

17. Hug your daughter, every day. Tell her how proud you are of her. Be sure to mention that you don’t just love her for how great she is at softball, even though she’s pretty great at it. If you want to level up, tell your DD that if she was to quit softball tomorrow, you would love her even more because quitting meant she was being true to herself and not caving to external pressure.

18. Do regular check-ins. I like to ask “Are you sure you want to go to practice today? Because I don’t really feel like driving you.” Her response will tell you everything you need to know about her relationship to the team, sport, and her motivation level at that point in time.

19. Quickly transition from coach to parent after each game. She needs your support, not your criticism. Save the rehash and constructive feedback for later in the day, or the next day. I like to tell jokes after each game; commenting on something funny or weird that happened during the game, even if DD was not involved, is always a good source for entertainment.

20. There is a place for everyone to play in college. You may not get your first choice of school, or chosen location, or the big degree from Yale, but you can play if you’re flexible and dedicated. You might even be able (in D1/D2/NAIA/JUCO) to get money for books or a tuition discount. Ask.

21. Experienced TB coaches know what they’re doing. You may not agree, but generally if they have been around for many seasons they have a good sense of your DD’s level, skillset and where she belongs, on the playing field and in college.

22. Recruiting is a journey. It's much like looking for a new job. There will be fits and starts, excitement, rejection and disappointment. Use it all as a learning experience and come out the other side stronger and more self-aware.

23. Fill out the online recruiting questionnaire for your DD. It’s mostly biographical info, takes quite a bit of time if you’re doing it for several schools, and no one will ever know.

24. Consider creating a recruiting-specific email address that both parent and player can access. This way, parent can provide a gentle nudge if DD doesn’t respond or check it in a timely fashion. Once DD is consistently texting or speaking with coaches on the phone, lean back. She’s got this.

25. If you are being recruited by several D3 schools and a D1 coach makes you an offer, chances are that D1 coach is making a mistake. This works in the other direction as well.

26. Stay humble! A good attitude is your 6th tool.
 
Last edited:
Jun 16, 2010
259
28
Get her started in softball earlier
Make her learn to pitch

One of DDs biggest flaws, was not liking to work at things that didnt come easy to her. A good pitching coach started teaching her....too difficult...didnt want to try. Embarrassed around others that could at 13 yo.

Overhand speed is correllated with pitching speed....she might have been an exceptional pitcher, had she started softball a few yrs earlier, instead of playing baseball.....where she pitched.


But we had a blast from age 13-22.

Very fortunate to experience with great coaches and organization.....even perfect college fit for DD. Played 4 yrs.

Cannot wait for a granddaughter and do it all over again. Girl athletes are special. Expect any other org. And coaches to be a let down though.
 
Last edited:
Jul 28, 2016
18
3
only thing I would do differently would have been to build a batting cage in the backyard when she was 10..
 
May 17, 2017
51
8
I would have kept her in baseball till she was 14 , when she left baseball @ 12 she was on par with the boys at catching, throwing and hitting. Rec softball wasn't as competitive as the baseball .Wish i would of found this board sooner and Todd( Coresoftball )
i could of saved a few bucks !! Kid is off playing college softball now . I miss the getting up and driving her to practices, games and clinics and camps. Over the years I've met some great parents ,coaches and even some nice Umpires :)Oh one more thing i wished she had quit dance sooner !!!
 
Jun 16, 2010
259
28
only thing I would do differently would have been to build a batting cage in the backyard when she was 10..
I had a batting cage, quite honestly.....dd didn't use it much. It got used way more for lacrosse shots.

Not much time when practice 3 days per week, and play on weekends , most of year, to do extra at home. She did go bat with a university asst coach once per week part of yr too
 

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