I lost it with the 12U Coach.

[Twistedwhitty]

Hey everyone, I'm new here but not to softball. I have been a AC for my 12u daughter's team for 3 years and in that time I've been dealing with a very angry head coach. (sorry if this is long but I need advice)

This is what I'm dealing with....

During practices he is in a constant state of barking. He constantly yells at the girls for the smallest of things. (We have lost 3 girls to parents who were tired of his behavior already.)

If a girl is not making eye contact with him during one of his rants the team is made to run to the fence and back.
If a girl is not swinging correctly, throwing correctly or running fast enough, instead of correcting her, he yells at her and I mean YELLS at her.

If practice is not going the way he wants he throws down whatever is in his hand and tells everyone everyone should just quit since they aren't here to play. Now this is the kicker...he yells at the girls to "have fun" after/during his rants. Because that is what we are here for is to "have fun". The girls are not having fun.

This Friday, before a game he was soft tossing to the girls and yelled at a AC to get another girl ready to hit, when that didn't happen fast enough for him, he threw the balls down, slammed the ball bucket down and said we are done and stormed off. This was where I had had it.

Later in the dugout during the game, he made reference to my daughter that she wasn't doing a good job behind the plate and wasn't getting the balls that were in the dirt. Mind you this was a new pitcher, her 2nd game at pitching so she's not that good yet. He then yelled at the top of his voice at my daughter who was in the field.. "Why can't you be a leader, catch those balls!"

Right then the switch was flicked and I lost it. I got in his face and told him to back off, quit yelling at the girls, get yourself together and calm down, I've had it with this behavior!"

After the complete "stunned" look on his face he walked away and was mostly silent the rest of the game.

I have not talked with him since and we have practice tonight. The other ACs are pretty spineless and afraid of him, why I have no idea. I think I'm going to get a tongue lashing tonight but I'm holding firm. I'm going to tell him
if he continues with this yelling and negative behavior I'm done and pulling my daughter from the team. She's already told me she's ready.

I'm afraid these girls are going to quit and not continue with the sport, he's ruining this game for them.

BTW this is just scratching the surface of this man's coaching issues.

Thoughts?

TW

 

[CycloneSoftball22]

Why did it just now bother you after 3 years? Also , are all girls new to this coach or are there several returning players (They know how he is and have learned to deal with it)?

 

[NoVA Softball]

Sounds you did just what an AC is supposed to do. (OK, maybe a little earlier intervention might have been better). Personally, I think that's one of the most important aspects of the coaching team, and something I explicitly ask my AC's to do. Almost everyone is going to have a moment or two where the competitive spirit or frustration at an ump or a general bad day gets to you, and you need another grown-up to put a hand on your shoulder and let you know it's time to ratchet it back a bit.

That said, with this HC, it sounds like this isn't a once-in-a-while thing, so unless you've helped him see the error of his ways (unlikely), I'd be looking for somewhere else to play at the next opportunity.

 

[Jr10234]

You mean...girls softball isn't about the old man coaching the team???

I have watched coaches in many sports exactly as described. It's rare someone calls them on their bs, good for you. He'll either ignore you, replace you, or reflect on his actions and change. I don't see him doing the third, be prepared to walk away if that's your ultimatum?

 

[sluggers]

Thoughts?

Walk, don't run. Find another team, now. Life is too short.

 

[Twistedwhitty]

Well, in the beginning, he wasn't "as bad". I pulled him aside before the beginning of this year and expressed my concern with his
coaching. I wanted him to talk with us ACs, let us know what he wants to do at practices, we aren't mind readers. His comment was, "it's my team you'll do what I tell you." Nice huh?

He seemed to respond early this season but it didn't last long. He went right back to his old ways. He's never coached before, says he was a "star" player in college and knows how to coach.

He's a 50 year old, wannabe who uses his money and position in the community to get what he wants. No one ever says no to him and I'm not kidding when I say people are afraid of him. Small town mentality. I don't care who he is and I told him that in the beginning.

My philosophy to coaching is teaching the girls the game, how to be a good person and enjoy the time with your teammates. Winning isn't my main concern, I like for them to win but it's not my main concern unlike his. If they don't win he's pissed.

 

[NoVA Softball]

Hmm with the additional info you just added, I'd be gone.

 

[Amy in AZ.]

Haha. He is a bully. I have dealt with them before. Once they are confronted, they slink away. Just think how he must treat his wife and kids. I feel sorry for them.

 

[Crazy Softball Guy]

She's already told me she's ready.

That's enough reason right there to leave. If your kid isn't happy and you're in a position to find another team, go for it. Why subject her to that if there's no real benefit other than being yelled at?

He's never coached before, says he was a "star" player in college and knows how to coach.

Hysterical. Makes sense now.

His comment was, "it's my team you'll do what I tell you." Nice huh?

Classy.

 

[SoCalASABlue]

Time to be Dad and not AC. Find another team and healthier situation for you and your DD.