I have no problem going over the rules with a coach prior to a game. I like discussing rules and I want us all to be on the same page. I do have a problem with an umpire saying "I am not calling that", at least with no explanation why. There are rules that might be "relaxed" for younger kids, and everyone seems to agree with doing it, so I would like to know more about the conversation before judging. As for the calls in the game, I never take a coach's opinion at face value. Everyone thinks the calls are gong the other way for a reason other than that those are the correct calls and they don't always even out.As an umpire, and as you describe it, that's not a conversation (in subject or execution) I'm having with a coach before a game. Seriously, going over a rule book on the field? About an opposing (warming up?) pitcher? And then acknowledging it, and declaring you will/won't call something? Bizzaro.
As for the rest of it, not sure how you are connecting that pre-game conversation to the in-game calls.