Help with lazy habits!

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Mar 4, 2015
526
93
New England
Hello everyone! I am new here and am in dire need of guidance and opinions! My daughter is almost 11 and started playing ball at 9. She currently plays on a 10U travel team. She has been doing great. Lately I have noticed that she has become very unmotivated. She doesn’t complain about going to practice and lessons but she hasn't been giving it her all the past few months. She says she wants to improve but she doesn't put in the extra work needed to get her to where she wants to be. I have noticed that this has now become a pattern with her every day life. She wants straight A’s but isn’t putting in the time to study and get there. She wants a clear face but doesn’t put in the effort to wash her face every night. I want to use the word lazy. She has developed these “lazy” habits and it is so frustrating. It’s a very bad pattern and I need to somehow break her of this cycle but I am not sure what to do. I’ve talked with her several times about how expensive this is and if she doesn’t want to give it her all then she needs to let me know. She insists that this is something she wants. I try to push her but it does no good when she isn’t pushing herself anymore. So what do I do?

I wouldn't label that as lazy. I think everybody will work hard if they believe their work will pay off in something they value.

If she's not working, it's one of two reasons, IMO - She doesn't think the extra work will lead to significantly better results, or she's not that passionate about being a good softball player, making straight A's and having a clear face as much as she says. Either way, she's figuring out what she wants and how much she's willing to invest. It's part of growing up and extends well into adulthood.

My advice would be to educate her on work/reward, but don't overdo it. Be careful that your own ambitions for her don't interfere with clear-thinking. And don't discuss money.
 
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Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
One last thing (and I don't know your personality, so it may not be relevant) but I don't know how many times my wife has told me "She is not you" when it comes to having a singular focus on something (to the detriment of everything else).

She also usually follows that with "Thank God" which I usually try and ignore...
 
Oct 26, 2019
1,375
113
One last thing (and I don't know your personality, so it may not be relevant) but I don't know how many times my wife has told me "She is not you" when it comes to having a singular focus on something (to the detriment of everything else).

She also usually follows that with "Thank God" which I usually try and ignore...
There is a very good chance the young lady we are talking about in this post has a better grasp on softball and how it fits into the rest of her life than we do ha ha.

We are after all a bunch of adults spending time on a message board talking passionately about a game intended for kids
 
Oct 3, 2011
3,478
113
Right Here For Now
All of my daughters best friends play on her team. She has good relationships with them. So she definitely has friends and things to do.

Its not an issue of her doing the things she should be doing. She does everything asked. The problem is she doesn’t give it her all. She doesn’t want to do any extra work. Example: She really needs to work on her hitting. She’s been in a slump lately. Usually she is a power hitter. She goes to hitting lessons. If I ask her after practice if she wants to stay late and hit a few balls she will say no she’s ready to go. If I ask her on a Saturday to go to the fields and practice she will agree to it but won’t give it her all while out there. She doesn’t seem as thrilled to go as she use to. When she started ball, it’s all she wanted to do. She always wanted to put in extra work. I think it’s just more frustrating to me because I know what she can do because I’ve watched her do it. I just need to push her to be the best that she can be without her getting upset with me.
Question for you then based on this post. Has it become more "work" for her as opposed to having "fun?" I ask this because at that age my DD was a pitcher. While she enjoyed it to a certain extent, she never wanted to put the extra work in and I had to push her a little. About the only time she wanted to put extra work in was when we invited her teammates or friends to pitch against and try to strike out. Fast forward a couple of years (first year 14U) and she found that no fun anymore. I am a catching and hitting instructor so I told her I wish she would try catching instead of pitching. She told me she always wanted to try catching. The transition was a milestone in her development. She was the one suddenly asking me to go out for extra work because she loved it so much. Not just catching, but hitting as well. The point is, maybe it has become more "work" for her than "fun." Maybe it's time to introduce more fun for her, to invite her teammates/friends to the alternative practices and introduce a little social interaction and fun back into it. No parent coaching allowed though. Just let her know that you are there to help reflect her hitting coach's/Pc's/TB coach's instruction when she can't do something as well as she wants to, gets frustrated and asks for help. Until then, keep your mouth shut.
 
May 24, 2013
12,461
113
So Cal
All of my daughters best friends play on her team. She has good relationships with them. So she definitely has friends and things to do.

Its not an issue of her doing the things she should be doing. She does everything asked. The problem is she doesn’t give it her all. She doesn’t want to do any extra work. Example: She really needs to work on her hitting. She’s been in a slump lately. Usually she is a power hitter. She goes to hitting lessons. If I ask her after practice if she wants to stay late and hit a few balls she will say no she’s ready to go. If I ask her on a Saturday to go to the fields and practice she will agree to it but won’t give it her all while out there. She doesn’t seem as thrilled to go as she use to. When she started ball, it’s all she wanted to do. She always wanted to put in extra work. I think it’s just more frustrating to me because I know what she can do because I’ve watched her do it. I just need to push her to be the best that she can be without her getting upset with me.

This sounds a lot about what you want. What does she want? Does she really want to be her best, or does she more interested in just spending time with her friends?

If she's not interested in doing the work necessary to continue to improve, it's okay to let her fail (I don't have the same opinion about school). One of the lessons in sports is learning that results come from doing the hard work it takes to get them. If her hitting is suffering from a lack of practice, and she's losing her spot in the batting order because of it, and that upsets her...good! Maybe it's the wake-up call she needs. My DD went through the same thing at about the same age. I told her that I can't do the work for her, I can't magically give her the ability to be a better player, but I am there to help her whenever she is ready to do the work it takes to get better. What I also found out during this time was a big part of her lack of motivation was me. She didn't like me instructing her. When I learned to shut up and just throw pitches, things got better.
 
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Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
There is a very good chance the young lady we are talking about in this post has a better grasp on softball and how it fits into the rest of her life than we do ha ha.

We are after all a bunch of adults spending time on a message board talking passionately about a game intended for kids
💯

I think most parents do want the best for their kids but we have spent our entire lives dealing with our own personalities and it clouds our thinking sometimes.

The age that we are dealing with here is all the more difficult because they no longer just accept everything their parents say as Gospel, which is what we want since we want them to develop their own personalities, likes/dislikes,etc,etc , but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
 
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radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
The key to getting a young kid to practice is to make it fun and keep it moving. (I love watching a good coach work.)

Watch some of Sue Trubovitz (AKA @RADcatcher) videos. Sue's technique as a teacher and coach are top shelf. While the drills she uses are great, focus on *HOW* she works with these kids. She is a master at coaching.

Her timing and pace are superb...bang-bang-bang...next drill...bang-bang-bang...next drill. Even though the kid has done the same drills over and over and over for years, Sue makes it fun.

Sue is engaged and focused on the kid. She isn't looking at her phone and thinking about what's for supper. She is in the moment and present.


Wow thanku!
Positive Purposeful Presence!

Have been known to be a very intense softball player recognize when it comes to working with people that I use laughter/humor to lighten it up.
Which incorporates positive enjoyable energy and sweat with work ethic and dedication! 👍💪🫀🥳

@sluggers look how that catcher developed.
My nickname for her is The Laser because she has such an incredibly tight spin on her throws ball stays on a laser path extremely accurate 1.7 pop times went to Howard D1
 
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radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
She has never had an issue with physical exercise. She has pretty much always been the type to be outside riding her four wheeler, bikes, and playing with friends. As well as sports. Just recently has she started choosing to stay inside over doing other things.

She goes to her hitting lessons but does not do any extra hitting at home. Practice 3 days a week. Hitting lessons 1-2 days a week. She doesn’t want to do the extra work at home.
Hmmm
Paid hitting lessons 1 or 2 days a week and does not do hitting at home?

So you are paying somebody else to keep her active to do some hitting.
That's like paying a practice partner.

Know that I've had students who really enjoyed coming and doing lessons with me. Their parents have said how they seem to have a lot of energy and fun when they are at lessons but they don't want to do it on their own.
Consequently,
That is one of the reasons I do not work with students who do not put work in on their own.
It can be a social dilemma the kid figuring out that sports are not only social but they take effort physical activity.
it can also be the dilemma of somebody else having to constantly push the child.

Lessons are to teach your kid how to do things herself.
 
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Dec 5, 2017
514
63
I think that 3 practices a week plus lessons 1-2 days is sufficient for a 10 yo. When my dd first started playing she would ask to go to the field everyday. The more we got into team practices and lessons, she asked less. At first I took it as laziness but then I realized that I was the one wanting to practice everyday and was pushing too hard. We don't do lessons now and the team only practices twice a week. At this point, working at home two days a week is mandatory. Except she is playing bball nonstop and is about to try out for h.s softball, so maybe not "mandatory" ;).
 

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