Help with lazy habits!

[_MIA_]

My parents had it easier. No phones and working on my skills usually meant getting away from my parents at that age (basketball/baseball/football with my friends) so it was a win-win for everybody .

In all seriousness, I started making a workout schedule for my DD to give her some structure when we were home-schooling her when the pandemic started and have continued it even though she is in school now. I put down her team practice schedule (for her, softball and basketball) and any work she is going to do by herself or with me outside of her team stuff. We just got her a phone, but it stays in our room until she has done all of her schoolwork and whatever is on her practice schedule for the day. I also think giving her things to do on her own (tee work, wall ball, bodyweight exercises, etc.) is important at that age to give them a little bit of the freedom they crave.

 

[radness]

I want straight A's
I wish you studied more

I want to play better
I wish you practiced

I wish you understood the concept of money.
So
I want you to start this daily chores/to-do list.

I wish everything got handed to us
I want...
But it doesnt.

 

[Hustle LI]

i fully understand where you are coming from. my daughter also loves softball. loves to watch it and loves going to her practices and lessons. however, she rarely ever talks about it when not going to the lessons or if it is not brought up by someone else. her close friends are not players and want her to do what they are doing, which is not softball. I do not think you should punish her for this though as this will make her resent playing softball. i thin a better aproach is to encourage her more for softball and to try to help her find some friends on her team. i am trying to do this myself. my daughter is shy and knows 0 people on her team and just joined a different organization. so it is tough. i can fully get what you are saying. it is frustrating sometimes when you feel like you as a parent care more about the kid's performance than the kid does. rest assured, she likely does care... just does not want to give up other things also.

 

[cnardone]

As has been brought up, take away the phone until she does everything you want. We are struggling with the same thing now at 3 different ages. My wife and I truly believe that the phone is a major contributor to apathy. Social media on top of normal everyday life is a huge challenge.

 

[_MIA_]

Social media on top of normal everyday life is a huge challenge.

We have blocked our DD from having any Social media accounts for now. She wasn't too pleased about that at first but she has gotten over it. She texts/facetimes with her friends now and has some games she can play along with sports apps. My wife was against the whole phone thing at first but when I asked her how much time on the phone talking to her friends she spent at that age I "won"..

 

[Towny9]

I am going to go against the crowd here and recommend not taking her phone away totally. I’ve read studies that show it only makes the kid want it more. The phone is going to be a part of the rest of her life whether we like it or not so I would use this developmental time at her young age to teach proper boundaries with the phone and not to take it away totally.

 

[_MIA_]

I am going to go against the crowd here and recommend not taking her phone away totally.

I don't see anybody saying take it away completely. Learning to put it away until you get your "important" stuff done is a good lesson to learn...

 

[Towny9]

I don't see anybody saying take it away completely. Learning to put it away until you get your "important" stuff done is a good lesson to learn...

Agree. I’m not a big fan of phones for young kids, but I also don’t rush to blame them for everything. Kids were lazy long before phones

 

[quincy]

School was always a higher priority then SB. She did not need straight As, Bs were Ok. She got staight As anyways. We, mostly DW, gentely spent time with her on her homework whether she needed it or not. DD got a nice acadamic scholarship and doing well in College.

SB she did not like being embarrassed with everyone watching her. DW blames this on me and my family being competitive.

Like other have posted this is a tough age especially now.

DD has had a phone since elementary school, we received permission for her to have it on her at all times during school. She never abused the privilege that I know of.

With the way we are going right now taking thier phone or social media away seems like a huge threat which I would be careful with. Before the pandemics OK, now it could be a hung blow to her mental health.

 

[radness]

The phone is not the problem.
Phones are apathetic.
They are a machine.

Parent.

I'm writing 'parent' because this is a similar discussion about
discipline or disciplinarian
teach it or apply it
but do something.