Good bye softball, hello free weekends!

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Apr 11, 2016
133
28
DD finally decided she no longer wants to play softball. After playing softball for most of her life, the decision was not made lightly. As a parent, I was sad, but at the same time, delighted that we finally got our weekends back. No more private batting lessons, private pitching lessons, weeknight team practices, and weekend tournaments. No more dealing with parent coaches. No more driving around to find an available field to practice batting. No more waking up at 5am and getting to the fields only to find the games rained-out. No more driving 7 hours to an out-of-towner only for DD to play 5 minutes a game. No more watching another SS making mistakes after mistakes but HC still decided since DD was the newbie and hadn't earned her spot yet. No more waiting last minute for the tournament to announce the weekend schedule and finding out that her first game was at 8am and last game at 6pm.

She's been playing softball since 3 years old. She was hooked when we bought her one of those plastic baseball set. Within a month, she asked us to get her a real t-ball bat. Hitting off the tee was boring, so we had to pitch the ball to her. We stopped playing ball in our backyard when she almost hit the neighbor's window (and the houses were pretty far apart.) This was all before she turned 4.

We enrolled her in tee ball the first chance we got. We eventually learned to become coaches ourselves. By age 7, she was way beyond what limited coaching experience we had, and we paid for private batting lessons. We moved and had to put her on a local team. Thankfully, coaches from a travel team approached us to get her on their team. That team was very good and placed 1st or 2nd in every tournament. But with bad coaching, the team eventually folded. We researched and found her a great 10U team immediately. That team lasted 2 years before the HC ran off most of the top players and coaches. We found her another team, but it was a C team, and she was frustrated because they would place last in every tournament. We moved to another state, and again, could only find a C team because we moved late and season already started. She played on it for 2 years because there wasn't any option with COVID-19 shutdown. Finally, after the shutdown ended, she got a spot on an A team. Yet, it was not meant to be, the team folded before the season even started. She quickly got a spot on 2 other A teams. Unfortunately, in the one she picked, the HC talked a good talk but couldn't execute. She had to move team again after one season and got on another A team. This team was very skilled, but all the team players had been together for a while, and didn't really include DD in anything. We encouraged her to break into the group, but instead, DD became withdrawn. When the team moved up to 16U, she decided she didn't want to play college anyway and asked to quit softball.

She's happy now focusing on a non-team sport. We asked her to perhaps play softball for her high school. She said she's done with being blamed for other people's mistakes when someone else didn't cover their position. (Several times she made the correct play where she caught the ball to get one out and quickly throw to the next base to get the runner, only to find the base not covered. She'd get marked for an error.) Now, win/lose is up to her and her alone. Plus, we got to control what tournament to sign up and how far we want to drive.

I hope to pass on some of what we've learned in the past 10+ years to potential softball parents. Be prepared to deal with parent coaches. There is no governing body overseeing softball like lacrosse or soccer. You have to be willing to research and find the right team for your DD. If your DD is very good, you are lucky if she can stay on the same team for years (it's definitely possible, as long as you do not move a lot for work like we did, or live in an area where team folds within a year or 2.) There will be tons of favoritism and bias going on even with non-parent coaches. With team sports, you have to find the right team for your DD. You never want your DD to be the best or worst player on the team. If your DD doesn't want to play in college, ask yourself if it is worth paying for all the traveling to showcases. You may say, it's just for fun, just go to a B or C team. But softball is such a technical sport that if your teammates don't know what they are doing, it'll quickly become boring or even dangerous. If your DD wants to play college, there are quite a lot of things you must be willing to do: private lessons, college camps, and finding a team that go to the right showcases.

If we know what we know now, we'd encourage DD to pick up that non-team sport sooner. She's made tons of good friends since she made it her primary sport. She and her friend can just play a game on a local court when the weather is nice. With softball, if she wants to do a friendly game, she'd have to find another 17 other players. Definitely not easy to do.

Au revoir, softball. I still miss it and may coach tee ball again when I retire. In the meantime, I'll just watch it on TV.
 
Jan 6, 2018
221
43
Court? Don't you mean non-team sport playing surface? Just yanking your chain. Good luck! 16U would seem about the right time to bail if it's not her passion.
 
Aug 25, 2019
1,066
113
DD finally decided she no longer wants to play softball. After playing softball for most of her life, the decision was not made lightly. As a parent, I was sad, but at the same time, delighted that we finally got our weekends back. No more private batting lessons, private pitching lessons, weeknight team practices, and weekend tournaments. No more dealing with parent coaches. No more driving around to find an available field to practice batting. No more waking up at 5am and getting to the fields only to find the games rained-out. No more driving 7 hours to an out-of-towner only for DD to play 5 minutes a game. No more watching another SS making mistakes after mistakes but HC still decided since DD was the newbie and hadn't earned her spot yet. No more waiting last minute for the tournament to announce the weekend schedule and finding out that her first game was at 8am and last game at 6pm.

She's been playing softball since 3 years old. She was hooked when we bought her one of those plastic baseball set. Within a month, she asked us to get her a real t-ball bat. Hitting off the tee was boring, so we had to pitch the ball to her. We stopped playing ball in our backyard when she almost hit the neighbor's window (and the houses were pretty far apart.) This was all before she turned 4.

We enrolled her in tee ball the first chance we got. We eventually learned to become coaches ourselves. By age 7, she was way beyond what limited coaching experience we had, and we paid for private batting lessons. We moved and had to put her on a local team. Thankfully, coaches from a travel team approached us to get her on their team. That team was very good and placed 1st or 2nd in every tournament. But with bad coaching, the team eventually folded. We researched and found her a great 10U team immediately. That team lasted 2 years before the HC ran off most of the top players and coaches. We found her another team, but it was a C team, and she was frustrated because they would place last in every tournament. We moved to another state, and again, could only find a C team because we moved late and season already started. She played on it for 2 years because there wasn't any option with COVID-19 shutdown. Finally, after the shutdown ended, she got a spot on an A team. Yet, it was not meant to be, the team folded before the season even started. She quickly got a spot on 2 other A teams. Unfortunately, in the one she picked, the HC talked a good talk but couldn't execute. She had to move team again after one season and got on another A team. This team was very skilled, but all the team players had been together for a while, and didn't really include DD in anything. We encouraged her to break into the group, but instead, DD became withdrawn. When the team moved up to 16U, she decided she didn't want to play college anyway and asked to quit softball.

She's happy now focusing on a non-team sport. We asked her to perhaps play softball for her high school. She said she's done with being blamed for other people's mistakes when someone else didn't cover their position. (Several times she made the correct play where she caught the ball to get one out and quickly throw to the next base to get the runner, only to find the base not covered. She'd get marked for an error.) Now, win/lose is up to her and her alone. Plus, we got to control what tournament to sign up and how far we want to drive.

I hope to pass on some of what we've learned in the past 10+ years to potential softball parents. Be prepared to deal with parent coaches. There is no governing body overseeing softball like lacrosse or soccer. You have to be willing to research and find the right team for your DD. If your DD is very good, you are lucky if she can stay on the same team for years (it's definitely possible, as long as you do not move a lot for work like we did, or live in an area where team folds within a year or 2.) There will be tons of favoritism and bias going on even with non-parent coaches. With team sports, you have to find the right team for your DD. You never want your DD to be the best or worst player on the team. If your DD doesn't want to play in college, ask yourself if it is worth paying for all the traveling to showcases. You may say, it's just for fun, just go to a B or C team. But softball is such a technical sport that if your teammates don't know what they are doing, it'll quickly become boring or even dangerous. If your DD wants to play college, there are quite a lot of things you must be willing to do: private lessons, college camps, and finding a team that go to the right showcases.

If we know what we know now, we'd encourage DD to pick up that non-team sport sooner. She's made tons of good friends since she made it her primary sport. She and her friend can just play a game on a local court when the weather is nice. With softball, if she wants to do a friendly game, she'd have to find another 17 other players. Definitely not easy to do.

Au revoir, softball. I still miss it and may coach tee ball again when I retire. In the meantime, I'll just watch it on TV.
Yep, been there, my DD gave up travel after her 16U season, finished her last two years with varsity school team, and that's it. I at first missed the travel ball, but that didn't last long, glad she quit when she did when it became clear she wasn't gonna play in college. If you miss it all, just do like I did and become an umpire:D
 
Oct 4, 2018
4,612
113
My oldest quit at the end of 14U, to further pursue a non-team sport. It was for sure the right thing for her. Sad for me, but also happy for me in that she's happy. And I have the younger DD still playing ball and loving it. She is not allowed to quit. ;)
 
Nov 20, 2020
995
93
SW Missouri
I'll echo this sentiment, when it is no longer fun (and truly becomes a negative)....it's time to stop. Whether that stop is simply a break or for good is always up to the player. And I'm always happy for parents who respect that decision.

I could see my DD wanting to stop travel and simply play HS ball her final two years. For now, she loves both. But bit by bit I hear more from her about going to college as a priority and if she can find a softball program, great. Versus when it was that she wouldn't even sniff a college if it didn't offer a competitive softball program. Funny how things change as they get older.
 
Last edited:
Nov 13, 2020
92
18
Good luck to your DD. its sometimes a tough line when to keep ‘encouraging’ you kid and when to step back. Being a travel ball parent and constantly telling your kid to keep ‘earning your spot’ is exhausting and I’ve seen many relationships with other families and coaches end over this Differing points of view. Wish you and you DD luck and empathize with you.
 

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