Don’t Touch the Players

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Oct 1, 2014
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USA
I tried to read this whole thread, kinda started on page 8 and worked backwards because some of the comments kept reeling me in. I find this whole issue sad. Sad that there are deviant humans out there who will take advantage of others any way they can and also sad that everyone else has become so hyper aware and triggered that even the most well meaning person or action is now perceived as perverted in some way and will get you in hot water. Not going to add any specifics, seen all types of approaches and have had my concerns and hackles raised by others interactions with my kids before (in sports and other life situations) but, fortunately I guess, not to the point of actually having to kick someone's rear or report them to the authorities. Taught my all 3 of my DD's what we considered appropriate behavior and boundaries as well as giving them the moral fiber and solid constitution to stand up for what is right. Not too mention they can all throw a mean punch and a swift kick when needed. And yes, I do realize that they shouldn't have to or that not every kid has that same ability or the situation might not allow it or...on & on & on. Just overall makes me sad that this is what society has come to.

And, to whoever brought up our old skool coaches in the BIKE shorts...thanks a lot, didn't need that visual creeping back up! lol
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
Topics like this thread are the reason I am doing my best to tell my dd to get out of coaching. Regardless of intent, as a coach, you are now judged in the negative spectrum and are guilty until proven innocent. Like me, my dd gets close to her players. She coaches much like I do. My players pretty much all give me hugs. This weekend, I have texts from four players wanting me to take looks at their swings. Three of these players are former players in college. One is a current player. Still, here we go, a coach is receiving texts from players so that has to be bad. I ran into a former baseball player this weekend. I have been very sick and have lost approximately 40 lbs since February. Right away this former player gave me a hug and was upset that I look the way I do.

Today, four players are coming in to hit with me. Each one wants individual time. (45 minutes) Most likely the parents won't be there. Now, in our society, I need to worry. The covid stopped my private lessons. I doubt that I will do them anymore. I will most likely phase myself out now that I am a volunteer for the HS. I believe that I am blessed to get to coach the way that I did and do realize that now I am a relic. Carry on!

Edited to add:

WRT being a "huggy coach," I have never considered myself to be one. However, it is just something that happens. Again, the players and myself get close. I am the gruff old guy who yells, gets after it, ... and somehow the players not only take it, they want to get close to the old guy. I've never understood it. LOL
There deffinetly can be some daunting things to consider.
Perhaps learning life people skills may help?
In academic coaching environment can be very rigid.

Reflecting back

as a teenager 16 and 17 years old for a couple seasons was a certified umpire with the city league. also volunteered to help at practices to show how to facilitate practice that along with umpiring .. my real first job... knew at that point I had to have healthy boundaries with my wacky fun colorful personality which can be very intense about softball.
Knew I wanted to come across as organized and be able to interact and communicate. decided to step it up to create a really healthy structured well facilitated environment and be respectful while doing so.
Good sportsmanship was always important to me on the field and I made sure to apply that respectful part in communicating. implementing this has seemed to work well for me...
as this later opportunity came~
while at
Long Beach State as a senior, was approached with the opportunity to be the assistant coach after that final year in college. As I spoke with the athletic director and the head coach about this,
it instantaneously became clear that my demeanor and interaction with my teammates would need to change. I certainly could not interact with them at team social gatherings ;) .
Not only that ,but I would be responsible for some important conversations and especially instructional conversations with people that I had as peers that I would will be coaching. Can look back and know with certainty that while I still kept friendships with people, it did change the type of friendship I had with them. We all had to recognize there was a new boundary line. It was established the first practice as i spoke to the team as a Coach and what i said in that conversation. I had to make it clear at other times which was a bit difficult.
it certainly was quite a learning experience for a 22 year old coaching D1.

These are ealry experiences which
Profoundly helped me understand how we present ourselves and interact can and does have an impact!
That seems to have worked out well decades later.




Thank you softball.
 
Last edited:
Jul 5, 2016
652
63
Topics like this thread are the reason I am doing my best to tell my dd to get out of coaching. Regardless of intent, as a coach, you are now judged in the negative spectrum and are guilty until proven innocent. Like me, my dd gets close to her players. She coaches much like I do. My players pretty much all give me hugs. This weekend, I have texts from four players wanting me to take looks at their swings. Three of these players are former players in college. One is a current player. Still, here we go, a coach is receiving texts from players so that has to be bad. I ran into a former baseball player this weekend. I have been very sick and have lost approximately 40 lbs since February. Right away this former player gave me a hug and was upset that I look the way I do.

Today, four players are coming in to hit with me. Each one wants individual time. (45 minutes) Most likely the parents won't be there. Now, in our society, I need to worry. The covid stopped my private lessons. I doubt that I will do them anymore. I will most likely phase myself out now that I am a volunteer for the HS. I believe that I am blessed to get to coach the way that I did and do realize that now I am a relic. Carry on!

Edited to add:

WRT being a "huggy coach," I have never considered myself to be one. However, it is just something that happens. Again, the players and myself get close. I am the gruff old guy who yells, gets after it, ... and somehow the players not only take it, they want to get close to the old guy. I've never understood it. LOL

I understand your concerns. However, I would be interested to know how many coaches who conduct themselves properly are actually accused of any wrongdoing.

My observation has been that for political reasons, I see coaches falsely accused of bullying or variations of favoritism. But false accusations of sexual misconduct seem to be much less common.
 
Mar 28, 2014
1,081
113
I find it ridiculous that in these times, the simple act of moving a 7 year old's hands or repositioning them in the batters box would be seen my some as inappropriate. My gosh, does the word intent ever cross the minds of those folks?
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
.
I find it ridiculous that in these times, the simple act of moving a 7 year old's hands or repositioning them in the batters box would be seen my some as inappropriate. My gosh, does the word intent ever cross the minds of those folks?
Asked previously
Where is the line on touch?
Just for discussion.
Hand to hand touch perhaps more normal because of other things like handshakes and high fives.

But other touch?

Is there an age it matters more or not?

@texasheat care to say if you draw a line somewhere or not?
 
Last edited:
Mar 28, 2014
1,081
113
.

Asked previously
Where is the line on touch
From parental views ?
Just for discussion
Hand to hand touch perhaps more normal because of other things like handshakes and high fives.

But other touch?

Is there an age it matters more or not?

@texasheat care to say if you draw a line somewhere or not?
Simple common sense should come into play when determining where the line is on touch. Non-sexual parts of the body like a kids hands or shoulders when they are in the batter box are obviously OK while tapping them on the butt is a no-no. Squatting down and adjusting their feet is fine. Grabbing an ankle to move it is cool. Touching the thigh isn't cool. Nor the waist area. Do you want me to go over the entire anatomy chart? Lol....
 
Apr 20, 2018
4,581
113
SoCal
I don't worry when my DD coach puts his hand on her shoulder during huddle /timeout. I don't even think something weird could be going on. I think perverted coaches are rarely going to be blatant touchers. Be more worried about private messages or text.
 

radness

Possibilities & Opportunities!
Dec 13, 2019
7,270
113
Simple common sense SHOULD come into play when determining where the line is on touch. Non-sexual parts of the body like a kids hands or shoulders when they are in the batter box are obviously OK while tapping them on the butt is a no-no. Squatting down and adjusting their feet is fine. Grabbing an ankle to move it is cool. Touching the thigh isn't cool. Nor the waist area. Do you want me to go over the entire anatomy chart? Lol....
 
Last edited:
Mar 6, 2016
383
63
Interesting that this discussion comes up and then this happens with my DD yesterday in a tourny in AZ. She got DRILLED in the back by a girl throwing probably high 50s. Looks like she got shot in the back and then got right back up! That's my girl! At least she turned the right way just like we've practiced over the years. Darling Wife taking the video was a bit worried.

Then as you'll notice her coach comes in and puts his hand on her shoulder to ask her how she doing. I have no problem with this and I do at as well with my teams I've coached. It's called compassion and just being a caring person. Those that have said they "never" touch their players....what would you do in this circumstance? Just come up and ask her without any other contact? Just seems cold to me.

I'm a HS teacher/coach for 25 years now and have coached various HS and youth sports both boys and girls; believe me, I've gone through all the training on what NOT to do and the issues that can come up and situations to be aware of. But, sometimes, just being a caring person and instincts of hand on shoulder or pat on upper back happens instantly.
 
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