Competitive Nature?

[Cannonball]

BB just started playing slowpitch softball since a friend's coed team lost a female player and needed someone to finish out the season. It is something she never saw herself doing. So, last week in the DH league, she was 5 for 8 on the night and 7 RBIs. Tonight, first game, 3 for 5 and 3 RBIs. One of the "boys" came up to her after last week's game and basically accused her of playing before since she did so well. Her response was that she only knows one way to play and that is to be competitive at any sport you play. This leads me to another issue.

How are we raising our dds? Here at DFP, I think it is obvious that we have fantastic parents that have a great grasp on the importance of athletics and the total child. A remark was made to BB last week during her team's tryouts from her co coach, who btw is a great guy, and he asked BB if I ever accepted less than the best effort from her. She said no but that she didn't think that on the field she gave less than her best. I think the question could be asked of our DFP dds as well in the classroom. I'm betting that the vast majority of our dds are academically successful. So, then the question is how do we gain balance? That comes from parents who establish the parameters of acceptable behaviors and at the same time trust our dds to run with their competitive nature.

Why I am starting this topic is that I was asked about BB's competitive nature and where it came from. I don't think it can be created by anyone other than the player themselves. However, it can be nurtured. I asked my students to write down 5 quotes to live their lives by and post them on the mirror that they look at every morning. BB's are written on the walls of her apartment in huge letters. All are about winning and competition. Anyway, I thought that I'd start this topic and see how DFP parents have helped their daughters in this regard and any other observations.

Take care,

Darrell

 

[grcsftbll]

I agree, not created but nurtured. I have two girls and my oldest one plays baseball for fun. She's competitive about some things, but not ball. It's just a fun thing for her to do in some of her spare time. My younger one is like yours. If she's going to play it's going to be 100% or nothing at all. I never played sports and I'm much more like my older one, personality wise. I only signed them up for ball because we homeschool and I figured it'd knock out PE and socializing at once. I would not have predicted ending up with a life that revolves around all-day softball 3-4 weekends a month.

I definitely think the lessons they learn now will serve them well down the road, in school and work and life in general. Well, most of them anyway. I think most of the parents who post here are very conscious about their kids. It's definitely possible for kids to learn the wrong lessons too, depending on the adults around them. Parents & coaches.

 

[RubberBiscuit]

Yes - you can nurture the existing nature but ya can't nurture-IN the nature.

 

[CMMom1740]

I think you have to have some innate competitiveness to succeed in any sport. You can have all the talent in the world, but if that inner drive and self-motivation is not there, it will fall by the wayside and your peers will pass you up. I think that most of us parents here on DFP recognized the talent and groomed it. I don't think there are any real "psycho" parents on here (or at least they're managing to keep the crazy under wraps pretty well). I also think that most of us recognize that this is a complicated sport and that our DD's don't have the knowledge base to navigate the maze that is TB on their own, especially at the younger ages. I told my husband that my job right now (with DD moving into 14U this year) is to do what I can to get her positioned on the right team for her. After that, I'll continue to do the driving and the paying, but she's going to have to do the lion's share of the work from here forward. I'll be there to help, but she's got to develop the discipline and the intrinsic motivation.

 

[WARRIORMIKE]

MY dd now hates playing with RecBall players and now loves playing at a higher level/caliber of ball. Ive checked her a couple of times to let her know where she has come from and the struggles to get there. I embrace the competitiveness. Life is competitive. Ive always told her if she is going to do something do it right the first time. Even when it came to tying her shoes. If she is lazy about tying her shoes, then what happens. They come apart and you fall. Tie the shoe the correct way once, that way you never have to retie later. School, always be the better student. Its lonely at the top, but your parents and people you love will and always be there to support you in your decisions.





Now I wish she could get competitive to her self though and not just with others. Example would be her room. I still haven't found a way to make her clean that in a daily manner. LOL

 

[Classof2020]

I definitely think it is mostly nature over nurture having 3 very different kiddos. Most of my nurturing so far has been to try to help her find a bit of balance. She is so bad that the first year she played B level tournament ball they won a NAFA tournament and I had to make her get her picture with the trophy. When we went to the car she said "there is an A ASA tournament this weekend in (a neighboring town) and we couldn't beat those teams, so it really doesn't count". So because she knew there was better competition out there and she wasn't beating them she felt like this didn't count for anything. The following year playing A ball it was the same story when we won in the silver bracket. We got in the car and she said "we should just cut up the trophy, who cares if you win silver you are the winner of the losers". So I get her thinking and appreciate that she wishes she were the best playing the best. So we do a lot of talks on trying to gain the right attitude. Respecting the competition, appreciating personal and team accomplishments, recognizing her own skill level and whether she can enjoy the game still if she is playing at the B level. I think we've come a long way in this regard to this area without squelching her desire to work hard and improve and be the best she can be even if it isn't playing on the USA team or at a D1 some day.

It is also a constant battle in regards to school work to keep her from driving herself for hours and days to make sure that the #2 student in class doesn't get a better score than her on say the history exam. Trying to applaud the desire but curb the worry and anxiety that can creep in with those goals. Overall I'm proud and it's fun to have one of my three kids be driven and competitive and a bit crazy - but trying to steer it can be challenging.

 

[CoogansBluff]

For those who say you can't create it, are you saying you can't motivate players to play harder or work harder? You haven't seen kids who were fairly casual about the game who eventually grew to love it? What about those coaches who made the game challenging and fun and got their players excited about coming to practice and playing the game? I've seen my DD have very different reactions to winning or losing certain games. What created that difference in competitiveness for her? And what about all those halftime speeches? None of those ever inspired players to be a little more competitive than they would've been? What about Rocky? Wasn't there a difference in competitiveness between the bum who wasted his talent and the one who went the distance with Apollo Creed? How was that created?

 

[CMMom1740]

For those who say you can't create it, are you saying you can't motivate players to play harder or work harder? You haven't seen kids who were fairly casual about the game who eventually grew to love it? What about those coaches who made the game challenging and fun and got their players excited about coming to practice and playing the game? I've seen my DD have very different reactions to winning or losing certain games. What created that difference in competitiveness for her? And what about all those halftime speeches? None of those ever inspired players to be a little more competitive than they would've been? What about Rocky? Wasn't there a difference in competitiveness between the bum who wasted his talent and the one who went the distance with Apollo Creed? How was that created?

I'm a clinical psychologist and this is the age-old debate of "nature vs. nurture." The truth is that the answer is both for virtually any personality trait. I believe that for most, but not all, people, there needs to be some sort of "something" lying dormant within. The environment either provides the spark to light the child's "pilot light," so to speak, or it does not. As an example that has NOTHING to do with softball, there are some unfortunate people who have an underlying genetic predisposition for certain mental illnesses, and environmental factors (e.g., stress, abuse of substances) can have a "kindling" effect on those genes, sparking them to "light up." I once saw a young man who used laced marijuana and became paranoid and aggressive. He was hospitalized on the psych ward where I worked, and the question was whether the psychotic symptoms would go away once the drugs were out of his system. They did not and he was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. Had he stayed away from drugs, would he have developed symptoms of schizophrenia? Who knows? Point is, I will never become an Olympic gymnast; I'm too big and have no flexibility. I don't have the raw material necessary, and I don't think anyone could have coaxed it out of me.

 

[Cannonball]

For those who say you can't create it, are you saying you can't motivate players to play harder or work harder? You haven't seen kids who were fairly casual about the game who eventually grew to love it? What about those coaches who made the game challenging and fun and got their players excited about coming to practice and playing the game? I've seen my DD have very different reactions to winning or losing certain games. What created that difference in competitiveness for her? And what about all those halftime speeches? None of those ever inspired players to be a little more competitive than they would've been? What about Rocky? Wasn't there a difference in competitiveness between the bum who wasted his talent and the one who went the distance with Apollo Creed? How was that created?

So, your point is that the non competitive kid sat on a bench at half time, listened to a speech and suddenly came out a world beater?

 

[Classof2020]

For those who say you can't create it, are you saying you can't motivate players to play harder or work harder? You haven't seen kids who were fairly casual about the game who eventually grew to love it? What about those coaches who made the game challenging and fun and got their players excited about coming to practice and playing the game? I've seen my DD have very different reactions to winning or losing certain games. What created that difference in competitiveness for her? And what about all those halftime speeches? None of those ever inspired players to be a little more competitive than they would've been? What about Rocky? Wasn't there a difference in competitiveness between the bum who wasted his talent and the one who went the distance with Apollo Creed? How was that created?

My opinion is that of course you can motivate players to play harder or work harder, but isn't that different that what he was asking about being innately competitive and driven. And I think "loving it" in your second question is also a completely different thing. I would say that most of the girls on the teams my DD has been on "love it" more than my DD but they are out there just as much for the social part and the big bows in the hair and the pool parties at the hotel. She just wants to hit the fricken ball and strike out the #4 hitter. I'm sure a good coach can help someone find their competitive side if they don't know they have it. But i would like to conjecture that if you're kid has a competitive side you've seen it already.