Coach yelling (sorry long)

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Aug 10, 2016
476
43
Georgia
So DD and her friend joined a new travel team this past fall. It was already a team that the core of the team had been playing together for 2-3 years. They had tryouts and I think that only 1 other player was a new player. Did well in the fall. Spring is going ok - we're playing pretty tough teams so we lose a lot but normally compete and have only been demolished by the bigger well-known teams or when we just give them the game. Earlier this season we had some injuries and had need for a pick-up and it is actually a friend of DD and her friend (they've been playing together since 8U - we're a first year 16U) and she actually ended up with a perm spot.

We had a hard tournament recently where we had to play a Mojo and a Bolts and Bullets and it was just a big learning experience for us. It was tough but expected.
So we have 4 pitchers - DD's friend is one. One pitcher has not been getting a ton of throwing time but she still plays 3B most every game - bats 2nd in the line-up. She struggled when pitching where she is inconsistent and so I'm guessing that is why she wasn't being pitched much. She did pitch in this tournament and wasn't hitting her spots. I'm not entirely sure what all was said between her and the coaches - but they did ask her if something was wrong and if they can do anything to help. So tournament is over. We hear from DD that player is leaving. Not enough playing time (which is odd) and I guess she feels like the coaches are being too harsh on her.

Found out today that a few others are thinking of leaving.
So we think it's because the coaches do yell at them at games when we completely blow a play. I do know the coaches get a lot more worked up when it's a play they have practiced a lot. But I am one of the few parents who actually will sit and watch practices. I see how the coaches are with the girls there. They don't yell at them - encourage them and if they are not putting in effort - they will get on them but not really yell.
They kid with them a lot in practice as well. During games they are more serious and want the girls to play their best.

DD has been yelled at and pulled from a game if she isn't putting in enough effort. She actually got pulled during that tournament for one game and was pretty upset about it because it was the first game her sister had driven all the way to watch and DD didn't even get to play when she was there. She kind of was down in the dug-out and actually txted the coach (and team) to apologize for the way she had acted. (Which is huge for her because she is so scared to talk to people normally and it wasn't even something we asked her to do - so it just shows us that she is comfortable enough with these coaches to do it)

So we did ask DD and her friend their thoughts and they have no problem with the coaches yelling at the games. And they like the team a lot and the coaches. I just don't get why these other girls would be that upset about the yelling if they have been with these same coaches for years. Are we being too easy on them for not being upset about it? They are learning so much more than they did on their previous team.

I just hate the idea that this team we really like and is challenging my kid might lose so many really good players. It takes a lot for DD to do anything new so finding a new team would be so hard for her.

(sorry so long)
 
Apr 20, 2015
751
93
Probably has nothing to do with yelling but with losing. Lots of parents and kids can't take into consideration the competition you're playing and just want to win. They don't see that their individual kids just aren't quite that good yet so it must be thr team or coaches fault.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
 
Aug 10, 2016
476
43
Georgia
I guess I should clarify the type of yelling - it's more like "hit your cut offs!" when they make a mistake with throwing it in or stuff like "if you're going to call the ball - you need to catch the ball!" To me, it's just the coach saying what the rest of the parents are thinking too. But the coaches are allowed to since they are the coaches.

And for the most part I think if they are going to say anything else, it's done in the dug-out so we don't even hear it.
 
Apr 2, 2015
892
93
Woodstock, man
It depends on what you are yelling.

"You are an idiot' (or any other label) not good even if whispered. (same goes for parenting)

'Hit the cutoff' is fine.

'We taught you to throw to 2B in practice' is just coach CYA, and not good coaching

DD has been yelled at and pulled from a game if she isn't putting in enough effort.

Again, it depends on situation. I would not play for a coach that pulls fielders in the middle of an inning.
 
Dec 2, 2013
2,163
113
Texas
DD's college teammate got barked at by the coach and she started hyper ventilating. No lie. DD had to have a talk with her and talk her off the ledge. As Dave Chapelle calls these types of people. They have brittle spirits. There is a difference between being yelled at and being personal vs coach just being loud. As ang2Bmd said, it could most definitely be the part about losing. This happens especially if you come from a team that is used to winning against okay competition. When they face the real deal teams they don't understand they are not gonna win those games. Going .850 in the lower A level echelon make people feel good. But when they start going .450 when they start sprinkling these Gold level "Futures" type of teams they lose their mind like Bushwick Bill. For some teams they should consider themselves lucky to be able to have the opportunity to even play these teams.
 

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
3,963
113
Florida
I just don't get why these other girls would be that upset about the yelling if they have been with these same coaches for years. Are we being too easy on them for not being upset about it? They are learning so much more than they did on their previous team.

Being yelled at for 2-3 years by the same voice can get old. Even if it isn't abusive yelling. Plus that is 5-6 seasons for any small slight or issue that is not addressed to fester and become a big deal to someone.

And if you are not making your goals (whatever they are) or seeing progress or have options or want a break or.... well you move players move on.

In pro and college sports you hear it wll the time 'The coach has lost the team' or 'they need a new voice' - just they replace the coach because that is easier to do.
 
Mar 6, 2016
371
63
I grew up playing with the "old school" coaches yelling and screaming, spitting Red Man on my shoes, grabbing facemasks...all the "tough love" "make a man outta ya"...those methods are long gone or few and far between.

Over the past 30 years of being a coach in various sports I think you learn that a good coach is one that adapts and know what each player responds to. Some respond well with a figurative kick in the butt or loud bark...some don't and need to positive reinforcement and "shake it off" type coaching and they respond with their best. The Bobby Knight days are gone and coaches gotta adapt and find out what each player responds to best.

I've also learned yelling "hit the cutoff" or "throw strikes" or "catch the ball" are all pointless , useless and non-productive yelling in a game. If you coached them right then you know they DID TRY to do all those things. They aren't trying NOT to do those things. The girls are doing their best to make the plays, sometimes they don't. THEY know they didn't make the play, how does yelling at them after the mistake help?

I HATE the coach or parent from the stands who yells, "Cmon THROW STRIKES!" if a pitcher is struggling... No S#iT! What do ya think she's trying to do? She's not out there trying to walk people. As a coach, be specific..what in her mechanics is not working or off and fix that, remind her of those type things.

I was a screamer when I first started...only because that's how I was coached. But, I think I learned over time (and seeing highly successful coaches who don't yell and go ballistic) that the coaching and repetition of plays and info needs to happen at practice, screaming like a loon in the game just makes you look like an rear.
 
Last edited:
Feb 10, 2018
322
63
NoVA
Being yelled at for 2-3 years by the same voice can get old. Even if it isn't abusive yelling. Plus that is 5-6 seasons for any small slight or issue that is not addressed to fester and become a big deal to someone.

And if you are not making your goals (whatever they are) or seeing progress or have options or want a break or.... well you move players move on.

In pro and college sports you hear it wll the time 'The coach has lost the team' or 'they need a new voice' - just they replace the coach because that is easier to do.
@Orange Socks, kind of disappointed that you didn’t seize the opportunity to make a Hittin’ Kittens reference.

Much respect however for name checking the Ghetto Boys!
 
So DD and her friend joined a new travel team this past fall. It was already a team that the core of the team had been playing together for 2-3 years. They had tryouts and I think that only 1 other player was a new player. Did well in the fall. Spring is going ok - we're playing pretty tough teams so we lose a lot but normally compete and have only been demolished by the bigger well-known teams or when we just give them the game. Earlier this season we had some injuries and had need for a pick-up and it is actually a friend of DD and her friend (they've been playing together since 8U - we're a first year 16U) and she actually ended up with a perm spot.

We had a hard tournament recently where we had to play a Mojo and a Bolts and Bullets and it was just a big learning experience for us. It was tough but expected.
So we have 4 pitchers - DD's friend is one. One pitcher has not been getting a ton of throwing time but she still plays 3B most every game - bats 2nd in the line-up. She struggled when pitching where she is inconsistent and so I'm guessing that is why she wasn't being pitched much. She did pitch in this tournament and wasn't hitting her spots. I'm not entirely sure what all was said between her and the coaches - but they did ask her if something was wrong and if they can do anything to help. So tournament is over. We hear from DD that player is leaving. Not enough playing time (which is odd) and I guess she feels like the coaches are being too harsh on her.

Found out today that a few others are thinking of leaving.
So we think it's because the coaches do yell at them at games when we completely blow a play. I do know the coaches get a lot more worked up when it's a play they have practiced a lot. But I am one of the few parents who actually will sit and watch practices. I see how the coaches are with the girls there. They don't yell at them - encourage them and if they are not putting in effort - they will get on them but not really yell.
They kid with them a lot in practice as well. During games they are more serious and want the girls to play their best.

DD has been yelled at and pulled from a game if she isn't putting in enough effort. She actually got pulled during that tournament for one game and was pretty upset about it because it was the first game her sister had driven all the way to watch and DD didn't even get to play when she was there. She kind of was down in the dug-out and actually txted the coach (and team) to apologize for the way she had acted. (Which is huge for her because she is so scared to talk to people normally and it wasn't even something we asked her to do - so it just shows us that she is comfortable enough with these coaches to do it)

So we did ask DD and her friend their thoughts and they have no problem with the coaches yelling at the games. And they like the team a lot and the coaches. I just don't get why these other girls would be that upset about the yelling if they have been with these same coaches for years. Are we being too easy on them for not being upset about it? They are learning so much more than they did on their previous team.

I just hate the idea that this team we really like and is challenging my kid might lose so many really good players. It takes a lot for DD to do anything new so finding a new team would be so hard for her.

(sorry so long)
Speaking from my perspective as a Retired Clinical Psychologist, I’d just put a couple of observations on the table for consideration as you try to evaluate the impact coaching style may have on players across time & individuals. First, the developmental stages that athletes have to navigate are no different than those of other adolescents. (Yes, this seems obvious but it’s still incredibly easy to lose sight of this as a coach or parent of a student athlete.) The same girl who seemed to be a fearless athlete a month ago can become self-conscious & easily stressed virtually overnight, & teens are notoriously “spacey” & easily distracted at times. Yelling reminders to implement team strategies or skills that have been practiced is frequently necessary in the moment (e.g. “watch for a bunt”, or “runner in scoring position, be ready to make the play at home”). Punitive interventions like angrily pulling a player immediately from the field after they make a mistake are more likely to demoralize than motivate. Even constructive criticism can be misconstrued when aired in a public way but this is especially true for teen girls. A huge number of girls drop out of sports completely in HS because of academic & social pressures, as well as a lack of adequate, developmentally appropriate coaching & support for players who lag behind in their skills or ability to consistently perform.
One final observation…. Coaches can learn a lot about player needs if they take the time to listen & consider individual differences. Kids need to respect the authority & leadership of their coaches, but coaches who are inflexible, resistant to feedback or defensive can also do harm that has long term consequences. Hope this discussion helps you in your efforts to sort things out.
 

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