Coach goes off the deep end?

[texasck1]

OK, I try really hard not to be that parent. I let the coach coach and support my DD as much as I can. We have never had a problem with a coach like this in the past and I need someone to pull me back if I'm out of line.

Here's the situation. We went out of town to play some different teams this past weekend. We are classified as a B-Class team (USSSA) and played a B-Class tournament. Ended up finishing 4th out of 17 and only 2 bracket loses were to the the teams that finished 1st (6-5 loss) and 2nd (3-2 loss in ITB).

During the last game, HC starts yelling at the dugout that the next player who pulls her head on a swing will earn the team a sprints every time they do it and then looked straight at my DD and said if you have another half swing the team gets one too. (her pervious at bat, with 2 strikes, she got fooled on a CU that was a strike and was able to recover enough to punch it foul in the most ugly way possible).

Immediately after game ended, he started yelling at the umps about how horrible they were, then he told the team to not pick up a single piece of trash in the dugout since this tournament was so bad.

Then the player meeting. He pulled the team WAY away from the parents, but we could still hear his raised voice from 150 feet away. I just left the DW to get the kid and I went to load the car cause I wasn't too happy and didn't want to be around when it ended. While loading the car, I see DD and DW walking up and I ask DD how the meeting when. She said, "basically we suck and don't deserve to practice next week so no practices."

Just then coach walks by. I'm hot I admit and ask him if he told the girls that. He said I would never tell them that. My reply was, may not be the words you used, but that what they heard. Realized this was not the place or time and walked away.

Have since had 2 phone conversations with him, he called me both times and neither went well. I'm a bad parent because I didn't observe the 24hr policy, he's right but then he berated me for ever questioning his coaching.

If I'm in the wrong, please tell me. I will go knock on his door tonight and apologize, but I just don't know. This isn't everything from the weekend, but enough to get the idea. Talked to a parent and have heard thru DW that a parent/coach are of the same thought.

 

[schwabach]

Whatever happens, trust what your daughter says over whatever the coach might say.

 

[murphdog]

What age group?
Yes you were wrong to say something in the parking lot. Yes he was wrong to call you twice.

I don’t understand how not having practice is going to make them better though.

 

[tim_s]

perception is reality - if that's what the kids think was said, at the VERY least he owes a clarification to the girls.......and that is a bare minimum

 

[RichK]

If you feel like you are able to stay out of second-guessing coaching or playing time decisions and just sit and watch and enjoy your kid play (that's a BIG self-check, it's very hard to do) then you have every right to question coaching behavior that just doesn't feel right to you, including the way the coach interacts with the team, including yelling, displaying anger, punishing etc. And if you don't like it, I'd move on it's unlikely the coach will change. You can find coaches and teams you'll be more comfortable with.

I put that caveat on in there because I truly believe you have to do that self-check first and make sure YOU are not the problem (and I'm not saying you are). But you also don't have to put up with an abusive coach just because he's in a position of 'authority'. I much prefer a coach that sees it as a privilege to be in their position, not someone who believes they are above accountability and positive behavior. Good luck

 

[texasck1]

What age group?
Yes you were wrong to say something in the parking lot. Yes he was wrong to call you twice.

I don’t understand how not having practice is going to make them better though.

Sorry, 2nd year 12U.

I agree and did apologize for that...the 1st time.

 

[bmakj]

if HC does not apologize to the team AND clarify, I would look to move elsewhere at end of season. it appears his self worth is way to wrapped up in the success of this team.

honestly, I kinda dont like referring to a team as the coaches teams. to me, each team belongs to the players.

DD's HC will sometimes show his irritation, but would never tell them they are not good enough, or not have practice (if anything, the opposite, 4 practices this week after losing first game sunday, but to very good team). his talks are more of pushing them hard because he knows they can be better and do better.

 

[tim_s]

pushing players and accountability are one thing.......but that accountability does not begin and end with the players - this is why I am a big fan of covenants a la proactive coaching - and I believe any behavior or performance standard that the players are held to must also apply to coaches

 

[Greatdaytobeawildcat]

Ended up finishing 4th out of 17 and only 2 bracket loses were to the the teams that finished 1st (6-5 loss) and 2nd (3-2 loss in ITB).

Congrats! Sounds like the girls performed really well.

HC starts yelling at the dugout that the next player who pulls her head on a swing will earn the team a sprints every time they do it and then looked straight at my DD and said if you have another half swing the team gets one too.

This is a pretty poor in-game motivation technique, and isn't very high emotional iq coaching.

he started yelling at the umps about how horrible they were

This happens, though, it shouldn't. I'll give him a heat of the moment pass, but things are not tipping in his favor.

then he told the team to not pick up a single piece of trash in the dugout since this tournament was so bad

This is a LOW character move. Yikes.

As for the team meeting, your DD heard what she heard. You probably erred by addressing it there and then. I'm surprised though that this is the first time all this behavior popped up. Because it was, I'd probably cool out and give it another weekend but be on high alert for a repetition.

 

[texasck1]

If you feel like you are able to stay out of second-guessing coaching or playing time decisions and just sit and watch and enjoy your kid play (that's a BIG self-check, it's very hard to do) then you have every right to question coaching behavior that just doesn't feel right to you, including the way the coach interacts with the team, including yelling, displaying anger, punishing etc. And if you don't like it, I'd move on it's unlikely the coach will change. You can find coaches and teams you'll be more comfortable with.

I put that caveat on in there because I truly believe you have to do that self-check first and make sure YOU are not the problem (and I'm not saying you are). But you also don't have to put up with an abusive coach just because he's in a position of 'authority'. I much prefer a coach that sees it as a privilege to be in their position, not someone who believes they are above accountability and positive behavior. Good luck

Thank you, I try very hard to be a good parent, this just hit me the wrong way.

BTW, I have told him and previous coaches before that if I were them, I would move my DD down the line up or bench her. Playing time is earned. There has only been once that was an issue way back in 1st yr 10U.