Parents.... Subtitle: The bad apples

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Apr 20, 2018
4,581
113
SoCal
I didn't read the whole thread but nothing is worse than being told where we are ALL going to eat. I just spent 8 hours at the fields with these people and now they want to tell me where to eat. I like pick up Stix in MY room with sports center or the news on the TV.
 
Nov 20, 2020
995
93
SW Missouri
Our team sounds like yours. We on the same team?

Some tourneys I want to go to bed at 9pm, some I want to watch a movie by myself, some I want to drink beers with parents until 2am. No one cares which I choose and I don't care what others choose.

I encourage (well, more like allow) my DD to hang with the girls when they're not playing, and that's fun for her/them. Drama is at a minimum.

All is well.

My other DD's team, however... and the middle and high school team, however... wow. Drama central.

Good to hear you're in a similar situation! When I say we feel fortunate to have found DD's TB program, I mean it. Initially, DD's BFF played on it and we knew a family who's DD aged out of the program. The HC has spent the last 3-4 years building his culture by scouting players AND families. He doesn't care how good the player is. If she doesn't have a good attitude or the parents are a problem, he won't add her. I've heard through the grapevine the HC scouted us as parents as much as he did DD during the Summer that lead into the tryouts where we made the switch.

The team all hangs out together at the hotel. Maybe one or two of the more introverted girls will break off early. Which, again, no one cares about and understands. It's not uncommon for them all to end up playing a game together after dinner. Sometimes the younger siblings get involved. It's a good atmosphere. Lunches are usually a couple girls here and there. Maybe a family wants to go do something on their own. No biggie. Not everyone has to be best friends. But at least knowing they can be included if they would like to be, is a big thing for me.

We're also lucky that school ball has been relatively drama free. JH (we don't have MS ball) there was zero drama both years. So far, for HS, it appears it's been mostly drama free. Or at least DD hasn't expressed anything. Again, the HC has a culture expectation. You buy in or you don't play.
 
Jun 20, 2015
848
93
i know that usually the very last thing i want after coaching all day is ultra long and drawn out dinner. Head coach and I usually pick restaurant close to hotel. Get a couple drinks and prep for tomorrow. Review how everyone did, any injuries, roster additions or subtractions for next day, discuss opposition next day, make out line up card, few minutes of TV and I'm usually out by 9-10pm max. And up by 5 next morning.

Very little player / parent drama over past 6 seasons coaching 18u. But honestly, usually the players or parents that like to cause problems either A) self-prune themselves from the softball scene, or B) we know who they are and the aren't invited to tryout for our squads.
 
Jun 8, 2016
16,118
113
I'll admit to texting DD's HC once or twice telling him he need to flex a certain player because with the way she was swinging she couldn't hit the floor if she fell out of bed..








DD would then proceed to go 2-3 as if she knew I did it and just wanted me to look bad..
 
Feb 28, 2022
69
18
I hope if you’re not doing team dinners your daughters are at least attending. I can see why personally you may not want to wind up at a restaurant for hours on end waiting for 20+ people to have their order taken, be served, eat and then get their checks. But let your daughter go with a teammate and enjoy some downtime off the field with their teammates.


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We absolutely do let our DD go and if the time works out we're 100% in. Just sometimes we have enough rushing around to get to hotels on time and everything else we just want to relax.
 
Feb 28, 2022
69
18
If I'm being real up front here, for those of us who are basically running everything behind the scenes even if we aren't coaches...we get tired. And some days, all we have is our gossip. I personally LOVE hearing all the dumb stuff the parents do. I LOVE IT. I love getting into the mind of other people and seeing how they tick, what's important to them, and when they can or can't be trusted.

But it's also how we keep the coaches (if we aren't coaching that particular team) up to speed on what may or may not be tolerable. My main co-conspirator is the puppet master. The mayor of softball, if you will. Everything ends up coming through him, and then through me by association. We don't start this stuff. We obtain it, process it, and a lot of times just mark it classified and send it to Hillary's email account for later.

Helping run things is a freakin' grind, but we do it because we want the coaches to be free to coach. Knowing some of this stuff is very beneficial. You find out things about people who are putting on one persona but living another. There are some snakes, but I do my best to be cool with everyone, and if someone trusts you they'll give you that info and know you'll put it to the proper use without diming them out. We've caught onto some potentially hairy situations a few times and managed to help head off some blowups before they happen.

For the most part, the parents at all levels locally are pretty great, and in the end, we want a functioning team where everyone is having fun and every kid and parent is happy. We've had almost no real blowups as a result. Even the difficult parents still want the kids to have fun--they just want to feel like their own kid is being treated like they "deserve," and for the most part we can find a way to do that without sacrificing elsewhere. We try our best to make all of this happen. And really, it's what OP is doing now. Taking info, seeking advice, and trying to help the coach for the good of the team.

This is amazing! Well said! It's funny because my DW and I are kinda the same way. We've never HC'd but my DW AC'ed and I always run GC so we're always mixed into the dugout and gossip info. We try to stay arms length away but we're trustworthy and people know if you tell her it's like telling me and vice versa but it never leaves us. I guess that's why I posted this thread was to help me process some of what I'm hearing and seeing on this new team. Thanks again for all the feedback.
 
Feb 28, 2022
69
18
DW and I have actually had this discussion after the Summer season. We are a family of 5. It gets really expensive when you're staying somewhere every weekend. DD loves it. We love it. But, we can also be smart about limiting spending. Especially with the ability to stream from just about anywhere at this point.
My wife and I attend almost all of our DD's TB games. Very rarely do we not make one. With that said we both really enjoy watching the games so it's kind of like a vacation. We were running into some slight scheduling conflicts for an upcoming tournament and I suggested that my DW stay home to taxi around our oldest. She looked at me like I had 2 heads. She worked out the taxi schedule with a family friend so she can go to the TB tournament.
 
Jun 20, 2015
848
93
it's always a bonus to hear the opposition parents carrying on about every little possible thing, during the game. (ump, water, gatorade, running score up, line up stuff etc. mean-while game going on and they are getting blasted. Yep lost 16-4 and headed home, but we had walk up songs all organized. LOL
 
Nov 20, 2020
995
93
SW Missouri
My wife and I attend almost all of our DD's TB games. Very rarely do we not make one. With that said we both really enjoy watching the games so it's kind of like a vacation. We were running into some slight scheduling conflicts for an upcoming tournament and I suggested that my DW stay home to taxi around our oldest. She looked at me like I had 2 heads. She worked out the taxi schedule with a family friend so she can go to the TB tournament.

It's not that we don't want to go. But when you have 3 small(er) humans eating like adult humans, plus two more adult humans....food costs add up when you're doing it almost every weekend May through July.

Who knows, we may still end up dragging everyone along and just dealing with it. Keeps me from buying other stuff I don't really need.
 

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