Advice Needed - college freshmen - when to worry?

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Jan 31, 2015
249
43
Not all student-athletes want the D1 experience - so I’d strongly disagree with this.
Fair enough but there were MANY 2021s who dreamed of playing DI ball but were not given the opportunity due to COVID recruiting blackout and swollen rosters from 5th year seniors. My DD was ALMOST one of them and if not for her leveraging her high academics for merit scholarships, it probably would not have happened. So, it's sad to see the same coach willfully disrespected (NOT BY MISTAKE) by some of the benefactors of those who he gave his athletic dollars especially considering his program is NOT fully funded!
 
Last edited:
Dec 2, 2013
3,410
113
Texas
These are freshman rooming w/ freshman going to parties and not appreciating the *privilege* they have been blessed with to have the RARE opportunity to play DI softball.
Fixed it. These freshman rooming w/freshman going to parties and not appreciating the "privilege" they have been blessed with to have the RARE opportunity to play at any level of College Sports.
 
Jan 31, 2015
249
43
Fixed it. These freshman rooming w/freshman going to parties and not appreciating the "privilege" they have been blessed with to have the RARE opportunity to play at any level of College Sports.
The only *amplification* I would add is, "ESPECIALLY THOSE GETTING $$$ TO PLAY THE SPORT!"
 
Jan 31, 2015
249
43
DING DING DING....winner winner chicken dinner
Again, are you seriously confused about the difference between PEERS and AUTHORITY? Let me assure you there is ZERO contradiction between advocating the LEADING of PEERS and OBEYING of AUTHORITY.

Contrary to the leftist propaganda, there ALWAYS has been and ALWAYS will be a hierarchy in this world, and SUBORDINATES (e.g. CHILDREN, players, employees, etc.) don't lead SUPERIORS (e.g. parents, coaches, bosses, etc.) but they can lead PEERS. SMH
 
Sep 15, 2021
4
3
Ohio
I’m only replying because you said you would love to hear of others who had similar situations- so sorry if this is not what you want to hear. Our DD’s experience started out the same way. She was playing for a coach that didn’t recruit her. But we were told by a current player that the new one was even better than the last one and were also told that he was recommended by the old coach - so we thought it would be ok.

So there were only 2 new freshman- our DD and her roommate. She didn’t want to room with the RM. The coach suggested she should though so she gave in so as not to get on his bad side. On move-in day the RM, her parents and her HS aged girlfriend were there (the GF was a GF -not just a friend- but none of us knew this then). Our DD tried to talk to the RM but her and her GF barely said a word. It was very awkward. That night the RM left and stayed at a hotel with her GF leaving our DD alone on her first night at school. To make a long story short, the RM had no interest in being friends w/ our DD. Any free time she either went away to her GF’s or had her GF come stay in the very small room (not asking our DD). They were not shy about being “very intimate” in the open which basically forced our DD out of the room whenever the GF visited. The GF visited often (once Wed-Sun). Our DD tried to talk to the RM (but she wouldn’t talk to her) then tried talked to the RA about the constant visits and breaking the rules (which didn’t help). Throughout the whole thing our DD’s only concern was not “making waves” because she didn’t want it to affect softball. During this time, she didn’t tell us the whole story of what was going on- I guess so we didn’t worry. She got through the semester though she was miserable. While everyone else in the dorm would be doing things with their RM’s or a small group of friends, she was on her own or had to be a “3rd wheel.” The softball team also wasn’t much of a help because they were also divided (girls who played under the old coach saying they would always better because of it; the new coach let players join sororities which caused hurt feelings etc).

Again, long story short, DD ended up moving out of the room a few weeks into the second semester. However, to get permission, she had to tell the Dean why. This got back to a lot of people including the coach and the girl’s parents (who didn’t seem to know the RM left the school as much as she did, etc). That was a disaster. The coach got mad at her for moving and reporting the situation and the girl’s mom (major helicopter mom who acts sickeningly sweet but can be brutal if her daughter isn’t #1) started complaining that our DD was anti-gay and snobby because she was in a sorority and started telling team parents that our DD was being mean to her daughter and that is why she had no friends (but she had no friends because she was either away from school or holed up in the dorm room w/ her GF). She actively tried getting parents and players to turn against our DD one weekend the team traveled (our DD wasn’t there to defend herself as she was sent home from school sick so we didn’t know any of this was going on). Shortly thereafter COVID cancelled the rest of the year on campus. That was her disastrous freshman year. So, from that story I would give you this advice.

1. If you think you have a reason to be worried (or concerned is probably a better word) trust your gut and ask her questions about how things are going. Don’t just hold back thinking she will tell you if you don’t ask. That said, don’t try to solve her problems (unless they are huge and then help her handle them- don’t take them over.). However, know that even when things are good, you will worry so you just have to get used to that feeling. After a while you will know by her voice how things are.
2. Encourage her to go out and meet new people - especially those NOT on softball. She will be forced to spend enough time with softball people soon enough so she should develop friendships outside of softball. The easiest way to do this is in the residence hall or by joining a club/activity that she is really interested in. Also encourage her to go outside of her comfort zone socially at least once a day. She ca start with baby steps like just introducing herself to one new person a day. After a while she’ll be way more comfortable socially and will undoubtedly find at least a few friends (but probably many as everyone needs friends when school starts!)

3. Don’t worry right now about the lack of a softball training schedule. She needs to get acclimated to school first and that takes time. She has played softball for years, a sporadic training schedule for a few weeks won’t kill her. It might even really help! She is playing D1 softball- she *will* get enough practice. If she feels she must practice more, then she should take the opportunity to talk to an upperclassmen and see if they would train with her.

4. Encourage her to nip any problems in the bud early - whether they are softball related or not. Most problems get bigger with time rather than go away. The smaller they are the easier they can get solved.

5. Don’t accept things she knows are wrong because she is afraid they will hurt her softball playing time (or scholarship $). I know that will be a hard thing to swallow but it is the truth. Coaches or players that are willing to do or look past bad things will also not be fair, honest or upright people. Doing things to keep on their good side won’t help because they will change with the wind whenever it suits their cause. There is no loyalty there. Do not “sell your soul” for softball. If players lose scholarship $ most schools work hard to replace that with other $ (sometimes players who are good students can even come out $ ahead by quitting!)
6. Encourage her to talk to her RA and if they aren’t useful find one who is. There are usually numerous RAs per dorm and most will be glad to help someone even if they aren’t technically in their section. Most likely whatever difficulty a student is going through, an RA can relate - or knows someone who can. Don’t stop looking for help if you need it.

7. Talk to her often- even if it’s just a brief text to check in. The more you do this the more you will notice if she is really down or stressed etc. When you text just ask some questions then listen (try not to tell her what to do or make her feel self conscious/badly for not having a lot of friends yet or not being all happy-happy). The more you do this the more she will start opening up (do you know exactly how things are going).

Tell her not to be afraid to realize or admit if things aren’t like she thought they would be. It happens all of the time. Yes it is sad and that’s ok. What would be worse is finishing up 4 years and realizing none of it was worth it and she didn’t get where she wanted to be. The important thing is for her to be honest with herself about what she wants, what her goals are and what she is willing to endure to achieve her goals. She should also know these things will probably change and continue to evolve over the course of her college career.

9. Just continue to tell her you love her, support her and want her to be happy. (If she’s a high level softball player you probably don’t need to tell her to work hard and stay out of trouble - so save that for times when you know she needs a kick in the butt).

If you want to vent, message me. If she needs an outside ear, I’m sure our DD would text her. Best of luck!
 
Sep 15, 2021
4
3
Ohio
DD's school has a parent facebook group and it is nuts to see how many helicopter parents are on there. My response is usually, they are adults now and they will figure it out. The parents are wanting to interject themselves into their particular conundrum and fix it. Lucky for us softball parents, we learned to let our kids figure out problems with the coach and their teammates.
Hahaha-not all softball parents have learned how to let kids figure out problems by themselves! There are still helicopter parents in college softball - especially those dad coaches who can’t let go and the moms who can’t take it when their kid isn’t the most popular or #1.
 
Apr 20, 2015
961
93
She's 17. I'm her father. It's called *parenting*. Contrary to yet another myth, just because you go off to college and are 17 or 18 or 19 does NOT make you an adult. Regardless of the subject, NOT giving into *peer pressure* is LEADING by DEFINITION.
Why are you yelling? We are all adults here, most likely pretty successful adults. I think that college is a semi safe environment where kids learn to adult. Each child is going to have a different way that they best handle peer pressure when it comes to drinking, drugs, sex etc. Each parent knowing their child's strength is going to have a different way to help guide them through these years. Not every child is academically capable of a 3.5 in computer science even if it was their only focus, but they are capable of a 3.0 and being a good co worker and employee so their method is likely different than what works for your dd. Generally the best leaders actually aren't the ones shouting their convictions from the back of the room. They're the ones quietly getting the job done and leading by example.

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
 
Dec 15, 2018
809
93
CT
ONCE AGAIN PEOPLE...NOTHING GOOD HAS EVER COME FROM DRINKING AT COLLEGE PARTIES!!

No secret the D1 program I played for was lousy...but also true story, my roommate's best game was Sunday noon, last game of series, was 3 for 4 with 2HRs and 6RBIs being out till 4am the night before. Never seen him so locked in. (DH'd thankfully, pretty sure he wouldn't have lasted standing out in the field).
 
Dec 2, 2013
3,410
113
Texas
I’m only replying because you said you would love to hear of others who had similar situations- so sorry if this is not what you want to hear. Our DD’s experience started out the same way. She was playing for a coach that didn’t recruit her. But we were told by a current player that the new one was even better than the last one and were also told that he was recommended by the old coach - so we thought it would be ok.

So there were only 2 new freshman- our DD and her roommate. She didn’t want to room with the RM. The coach suggested she should though so she gave in so as not to get on his bad side. On move-in day the RM, her parents and her HS aged girlfriend were there (the GF was a GF -not just a friend- but none of us knew this then). Our DD tried to talk to the RM but her and her GF barely said a word. It was very awkward. That night the RM left and stayed at a hotel with her GF leaving our DD alone on her first night at school. To make a long story short, the RM had no interest in being friends w/ our DD. Any free time she either went away to her GF’s or had her GF come stay in the very small room (not asking our DD). They were not shy about being “very intimate” in the open which basically forced our DD out of the room whenever the GF visited. The GF visited often (once Wed-Sun). Our DD tried to talk to the RM (but she wouldn’t talk to her) then tried talked to the RA about the constant visits and breaking the rules (which didn’t help). Throughout the whole thing our DD’s only concern was not “making waves” because she didn’t want it to affect softball. During this time, she didn’t tell us the whole story of what was going on- I guess so we didn’t worry. She got through the semester though she was miserable. While everyone else in the dorm would be doing things with their RM’s or a small group of friends, she was on her own or had to be a “3rd wheel.” The softball team also wasn’t much of a help because they were also divided (girls who played under the old coach saying they would always better because of it; the new coach let players join sororities which caused hurt feelings etc).

Again, long story short, DD ended up moving out of the room a few weeks into the second semester. However, to get permission, she had to tell the Dean why. This got back to a lot of people including the coach and the girl’s parents (who didn’t seem to know the RM left the school as much as she did, etc). That was a disaster. The coach got mad at her for moving and reporting the situation and the girl’s mom (major helicopter mom who acts sickeningly sweet but can be brutal if her daughter isn’t #1) started complaining that our DD was anti-gay and snobby because she was in a sorority and started telling team parents that our DD was being mean to her daughter and that is why she had no friends (but she had no friends because she was either away from school or holed up in the dorm room w/ her GF). She actively tried getting parents and players to turn against our DD one weekend the team traveled (our DD wasn’t there to defend herself as she was sent home from school sick so we didn’t know any of this was going on). Shortly thereafter COVID cancelled the rest of the year on campus. That was her disastrous freshman year. So, from that story I would give you this advice.

1. If you think you have a reason to be worried (or concerned is probably a better word) trust your gut and ask her questions about how things are going. Don’t just hold back thinking she will tell you if you don’t ask. That said, don’t try to solve her problems (unless they are huge and then help her handle them- don’t take them over.). However, know that even when things are good, you will worry so you just have to get used to that feeling. After a while you will know by her voice how things are.
2. Encourage her to go out and meet new people - especially those NOT on softball. She will be forced to spend enough time with softball people soon enough so she should develop friendships outside of softball. The easiest way to do this is in the residence hall or by joining a club/activity that she is really interested in. Also encourage her to go outside of her comfort zone socially at least once a day. She ca start with baby steps like just introducing herself to one new person a day. After a while she’ll be way more comfortable socially and will undoubtedly find at least a few friends (but probably many as everyone needs friends when school starts!)

3. Don’t worry right now about the lack of a softball training schedule. She needs to get acclimated to school first and that takes time. She has played softball for years, a sporadic training schedule for a few weeks won’t kill her. It might even really help! She is playing D1 softball- she *will* get enough practice. If she feels she must practice more, then she should take the opportunity to talk to an upperclassmen and see if they would train with her.

4. Encourage her to nip any problems in the bud early - whether they are softball related or not. Most problems get bigger with time rather than go away. The smaller they are the easier they can get solved.

5. Don’t accept things she knows are wrong because she is afraid they will hurt her softball playing time (or scholarship $). I know that will be a hard thing to swallow but it is the truth. Coaches or players that are willing to do or look past bad things will also not be fair, honest or upright people. Doing things to keep on their good side won’t help because they will change with the wind whenever it suits their cause. There is no loyalty there. Do not “sell your soul” for softball. If players lose scholarship $ most schools work hard to replace that with other $ (sometimes players who are good students can even come out $ ahead by quitting!)
6. Encourage her to talk to her RA and if they aren’t useful find one who is. There are usually numerous RAs per dorm and most will be glad to help someone even if they aren’t technically in their section. Most likely whatever difficulty a student is going through, an RA can relate - or knows someone who can. Don’t stop looking for help if you need it.

7. Talk to her often- even if it’s just a brief text to check in. The more you do this the more you will notice if she is really down or stressed etc. When you text just ask some questions then listen (try not to tell her what to do or make her feel self conscious/badly for not having a lot of friends yet or not being all happy-happy). The more you do this the more she will start opening up (do you know exactly how things are going).

Tell her not to be afraid to realize or admit if things aren’t like she thought they would be. It happens all of the time. Yes it is sad and that’s ok. What would be worse is finishing up 4 years and realizing none of it was worth it and she didn’t get where she wanted to be. The important thing is for her to be honest with herself about what she wants, what her goals are and what she is willing to endure to achieve her goals. She should also know these things will probably change and continue to evolve over the course of her college career.

9. Just continue to tell her you love her, support her and want her to be happy. (If she’s a high level softball player you probably don’t need to tell her to work hard and stay out of trouble - so save that for times when you know she needs a kick in the butt).

If you want to vent, message me. If she needs an outside ear, I’m sure our DD would text her. Best of luck!
Great advice!
 

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