Should I Be Done With Softball?

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Jul 6, 2016
1
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Im currently playing on a high level select team and this is my 3rd year playing select and 6th year overall. This year, I made my first choice team and ever since the beginning of the season in August, I would be scared to death of going to practice, heart racing and terrified of disappointing the head coach. During winter i became very close with everyone on the team but the head coach, he always intimidated me. When tournaments started I was never put into the field unless I was pitching (2nd string), and Ive also played 1st in the field for 2 full games and maybe 1 inning every 3 games. I would always hit weather it be DP or EP. Im to the point where I am terrified to play in the field because i feel like I dont belong. The stress of it all is taking a toll on me and making me not even want to be put in at all. I used to have the best confidence and pick everyone else up. Now, im scared to throw an inside pitch or even be put at 1st which has been my main position for 3 years. With all this going on, ive considered not playing next year. How its just a game (which is what my coach says), and I shouldnt be playing if im not having fun. My parents are aware and dont want me to regret it later in life. Im planning on not playing in college and I do not play school ball. Every day is different, I cant imagine not playing but at the same time im so done with being scared of messing up and going to practice. I just want someone to tell me if I would be making the right move deciding not to play, My mom mentioned to move down and play for a higher Level A rec team, saying how that would be alot less stress and time. Would that be a good move? Please let me know and help me decide!
Thanks,
Bri, 2nd year 14u Pitcher/1st basemen.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
Bri, WOW. First, softball isn't who you are, it is what you do. It should never be this stressful. My goodness, don't give anyone that kind of power over you. Bri, learn how to laugh and sometimes laugh at yourself. Learn how to enjoy and have fun. When you get on the field, it is your time to shine and not fail. Bri, when I was a young players, we had a 1st baseman that was self confident and so, didn't always catch the balls I threw. So, I began to wonder if I might hurt him since he couldn't catch the ball. It got to the point that I went to the coach. Coach wondered if my arm was sore since I had eased up so much. Then he said, throw the ball and throw it hard. He will catch the ball or get hurt. I was stunned but the next ground ball I got, I gunned it. He caught it. Long story short, that guy became a great 1st baseman when his affect changed and he knew he'd better step up. It is that time for you BUT WITHOUT THE PRESSURE. The real truth about the player I described was that he began to believe in himself and then let the game be fun again for him. We are still close friends. You can do the same. Good Luck!
 
Feb 3, 2016
502
43
It takes some courage to put those fears out online. Good for you. By the tone of the post I feel you're completely aware of what you'd like to do. I'd make a Pro and Con list related to softball. Just writing down all your thoughts and feelings should help in the decision process. If my DD wasn't still smiling and having fun I'd ask her if it's just a phase to work through or if she just needed a break. Cannonball Sumed up all the other great points. If you like playing...keep playing! :)
 
Oct 2, 2015
615
18
Hang in there kid....

OK, first off, what is intimidating about the head coach? You said (he) so let's go from there...
Is he "in your face" aggressive with all of his talks, pointers, and his teaching style? Is he very intense?
Is he a big guy with intimidating size?
Does he have a hot temper?
Does he have a very stern aggressive look to his facial expressions and mannerisms?

1) Does he have out of reach expectations for the girls on the team? Or is he supportive of your talents and the other girls' talents?
2) Does he try to help you learn from your mistakes, or does he drive you into the ground every time you goof up?
3) Does he help you try to be a better person, and player? Or is it all negative?
4) Who is harder on you?...Your coach or yourself?

Keep your chin up kid!
 

JAD

Feb 20, 2012
8,231
38
Georgia
If you do not want to play in college and are not competing for a spot in school ball, why are you playing on a high level select team? Find a team that just wants to have fun and enjoy yourself. There is no reason to put undo pressure on yourself to perform at a high level.
 

999

May 13, 2015
112
0
What ever you end up doing, don't let one coach or team make you give up. Especially if you truly enjoy playing (even though your current situation may not be fun).

If your not intending to play in school or college, and just playing for fun I could only imagine staying there with that little game time of you truly enjoyed the practices and people.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
It takes some courage to put those fears out online. Good for you.

Agree with Ksphenom. Does take some courage.

You're not alone, IMO. I've seen many kids, including my own at times, struggle with performance anxiety, or worrying about letting down the coach or teammates to an extent that exceeds what is normal and interferes with the fun of the game. Not just in sports, but other activities like drama or music. We live in a time where more and more kids are doing things at a higher and higher level than when I grew up. Kids' activities are taken more seriously, too much so at times. I don't think many kids who get overly anxious talk about it. So I want to send that message - Don't think you're the only one who struggles with this kind of stuff. It's more than you know, and not many feel safe enough to admit it.

I also believe from experience that there's no simple solution. You probably get a lot of very logical advice from parents or coaches, but sometimes logic just doesn't help, at least not right away, and then you feel worse. Instead of simply, ''Why do I get so anxious?'', you start piling on with, ''Why can't I just take everybody's advice and just relax?'' So my second message would be that I respect how difficult it can be to get past it. Don't be hard on yourself.

There are two schools of thought about dealing with stress/anxiety. One is to look for ways to eliminate stress in your life. The other is that a certain amount of stress is necessary and good, so embrace opportunities that help you learn to handle stress and anxiety better.

I think #2 is the better strategy most of the time. This is an issue that might come up for you again in some other area of life. Maybe softball can provide a relatively safe way to work through it and give you confidence and experience that you can overcome it.

But that said, if you decide you've had enough, you do not need to apologize. I wouldn't recommend that someone who is afraid of snakes get a pet snake just to work through the fear. Snakes aren't worth it. Maybe softball is? Maybe not? Only you can decide. Nobody should judge you for whatever you choose. I admire you for putting yourself on the line and asking for help and feedback.
 

sluggers

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 26, 2008
7,133
113
Dallas, Texas
My mom mentioned to move down and play for a higher Level A rec team, saying how that would be a lot less stress and time. Would that be a good move?

Yes, I think it would be. Life is too short...softball is a game. That is it.

My DD#1 went through the same thing...when she was 13YOA, she played on a top 16U team. But, it didn't work out. Maybe it was the coach, maybe it was my DD. So, she went to a low level 16U TB team. She played every inning of every game, and had a blast. She played with them for one year, and then moved up to a much better team. She ended up playing D1 ball. My DD#1 would *NEVER* have played D1 had she not went to a lower level team.

To quote Dandy Don, "Yesterday is history, and tomorrow is a mystery, so today is a gift." Forget this guy and move on.
 
Last edited:
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
You sound just like my daughter. You have to decide what you want to do, but as others have said it's just a game. She stepped back a year or so ago (she is same age as you) and it's fun again. I'm not sure how it will work as she starts on her 16/18 U teams soon.
 
Jun 12, 2015
3,848
83
In my opinion, it IS a game and IS supposed to be fun. Maybe find a team where you'll play, with a more relaxed environment, and just let it be fun again.
 

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