Report to safesport or warn other parents..or both

[Psyco Si]

The training All asa coaches take is pretty pointed on this subject. 1 of the 3 sections is literally labeled verbal and emotional abuse. On top of that this was different, it’s like she was trying to break them all. I’ve been around sports and tough coaching my whole life, this wasn’t normal.


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[1bucketmom]

One critical element is what are you teaching your female children in this situation.
While the experience sounded bad..... turn it into a positive. Teach your daughter self worth by using this example. She deserves better and you will go find that. Dd has a situation where a coach started being passive aggressive towards her. We used this to life coach her to know her self worth and also when it’s time to stand firm/when to walk away. Remember young girls and teenagers (some adults) are developing self-esteem. These interactions feed into that.

What happens often, is we excuse verbal abuse from a coach as “that’s just his style”, he’s old school or she’s just rough around the edges. But.... when we excuse it, we are showing our kids that it’s okay for them to be treated that way and deal with it. Some will says.... in the real world you might have a boss that acts that way. They are right but I’m teaching my kids to know their worth and not put up with that, even if it’s a boss.
Today verbal, tomorrow ???

As far as talking to other parents, if your experience is in any way subjective, then tell parents they may want to stay for practice. They can judge for themselves. If it falls into your training criteria, then you need to say something without bashing. There are behaviors that are not consistent with the code of conduct of a.youth sport coach.

It’s easier to just walk away, say nothing. Many next victim would feel differently.

 

[BT3100]

https://youtu.be/q_3cN86pWdY

 

[BT3100]

I added a link above with an interview with Geno Auriemma. There is a fine line but as a parent you need to get your kid as close to the line as possible.
When DD was playing 12's she had a female coach who could be outright nasty. We played in a tournament where the game time temps were 38 degrees. The night before the opening day the girls connected in their group chat and decided to all wear white under armor. This created an issue as some parents had to run out to buy that color as the girls knew coach would not be happy if they showed up in different colors.
We arrive at the field and its 34 degrees. When the coach sees the under armor she flips out and goes hard at the girls. Tells them to go to their cars and take it off.. We are not wearing that. Get used to playing in the cold. The girls were almost in tears.
Fast forward to a month ago at Liberty, my kid was at their camp which was outside and the temps were 34 degrees. My kid said to me on the way in "this is nothing, remember that tournament at 12U when we weren't allowed to wear under amour"?
Don't deprive your kids from learning tough lessons when the opportunity presents itself.

 

[codeman9]

I recommend the following 2 books, one for parents and one for coaches:

For parents:
Changing the Game: The Parent's Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes, and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DZC25LW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_UuvDCb2ZV4Q1P

For coaches:
InSideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004G8QTMA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_wvvDCbCEYW80G

For me, these books widened my perspective.


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[Psyco Si]

I recommend the following 2 books, one for parents and one for coaches:

For parents:
Changing the Game: The Parent's Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes, and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DZC25LW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_UuvDCb2ZV4Q1P

For coaches:
InSideOut Coaching: How Sports Can Transform Lives https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004G8QTMA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_wvvDCbCEYW80G

For me, these books widened my perspective.


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Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll read them both since I’m a parent and a coach. I’m trying to learn as much as I can to continue on my own development as a coach.


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[uncdrew]

Reminds me of the line don't worry when the coach is yelling at you, the time to worry is when they stop.

I'm probably too old to understand, but I don't see the abuse. Was there physical contact? Did he get in someones face and scream obscenities? I get it his style might not work for all kids, but there's plenty who thrive in that environment. I'd be reluctant to call it abuse unless there's more I'm missing.

Perspective is also important. A 10U parent is going to look at it a lot differently than a college parent.

Different strokes for different folks. This read like abuse to me. Berating a kid for a mistake in front of the whole team? Yikes. That's really poor coaching and the way I read it also abusive.

 

[MNDad]

Different strokes for different folks. This read like abuse to me. Berating a kid for a mistake in front of the whole team? Yikes. That's really poor coaching and the way I read it also abusive.

Like I said, perspective. At 10U this is unthinkable. It's a daily occurrence in college. I'd expect something in the middle in HS.

 

[bmakj]

Like I said, perspective. At 10U this is unthinkable. It's a daily occurrence in college. I'd expect something in the middle in HS.

it is possible to point out a mistake to whole team, but not in derogatory way, more in the line of " see what happened to Jane, it could happen to anyone .... but her is how we alll avoid it in future" as long as it is about acknowledgement, awareness and teaching, it can be good thing. I did this several team even coaching coach pitch.

 

[JStar00]

As I've discussed in another thread, I'm coaching 14U this year after doing 12U the previous two seasons.

At 10U -- any level -- I can't see yanking a player mid-inning for an error. Except possibly if the player blatantly quit on the play or intentionally messed it up. At 10U you do occasionally have infantile temper tantrums and you do need to be firm about that.

I've only made a mid-inning defensive switch once that I can remember -- we had a girl playing 1B who messed up four plays in a row (12U in 2017).

I came out to change the pitcher and the 1B girl, who was in tears, asked me to move her. So I said OK, moved her to RF, moved the previous pitcher over to 1B and brought the previous RF in to pitch.

As far as a team huddle to discuss individual errors -- not during the game. There isn't time to explain to the players that you're being constructive, all they see is you ripping into one player.

Moving up to 14U from 12U this year, I am going to be a bit more specifically critical in certain situations: "We need to make a better play in this bunt situation," etc etc.