DDs see no honor in being called up to varsity, and riding the bench-hear me out.

[MNDad]

If the situation was one where they could learn watching the upperclassmen play that would be one thing, but they are not learning anything riding the bench. With only three of the starters playing for travel teams, and the rest play softball two months a year, the level of play is what they left a few years ago when they started moving up the travel team ladder.

I'm thinking about the idea of 'paying your dues'. If varsity is about allowing the older girls to play, simply because of seniority, then yes, sitting the bench is paying the dues. If varsity is about trying to field the best team a school can put together, then I think the metric of the dues would come from which girls practice three or four times a week, ten months a year.

Two years ago, when DD was playing sloppy, and was benched for a month and a half, I didn't complain to her TB coach. During that time she didn't deserve to be a starter. I waited for her to realize that she needed to get her act together and play better to become a starter again. That benching was probably the best thing that happened to her. It lit a fire in her that should couldn't rest on her laurels, and she has not stopped pushing herself since.

Time to be blunt. Your kids aren't starting varsity for one of two reasons and possibly both. They're not that good, or you're being a pain in the butt and coach is taking it out on your kids. It's time to back off. Pull them from the team or stick to the outfield and don't talk. You're ruining their future.

 

[Cyder517]

I’m not the OP but have a similar situation. While I always appreciate bluntness, you are making a lot if ASSumptions in the situation.

1. No one is asking to start. If potential was seen in the younger girls, give them a chance.
2. Never did he say he complained to the coach or was he going to. No matter how much I disagree with decisions made or am frustrated with them, I have never approached the coach. I am always respectful.

I do agree that Gabby is very mature and has an amazing attitude. But once again, you are ASSuming that his daughters’ are not mature. In my situation, I am positive that she is kinder, more humble and more coachable than SOME of the starters. That is what makes the situation so frustrating- decisions not made on talent/ability or her personality. In fact I think it is something that works against her- she’ll never complain or question the coach (instead she internalizes it) and as a parent, I’ve never questioned or complained.

You should know that things aren’t always so clear cut and/or fair.

Time to be blunt. Your kids aren't starting varsity for one of two reasons and possibly both. They're not that good, or you're being a pain in the butt and coach is taking it out on your kids. It's time to back off. Pull them from the team or stick to the outfield and don't talk. You're ruining their future.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Cannonball]

I’m not the OP but have a similar situation. While I always appreciate bluntness, you are making a lot if ASSumptions in the situation.

1. No one is asking to start. If potential was seen in the younger girls, give them a chance.
2. Never did he say he complained to the coach or was he going to. No matter how much I disagree with decisions made or am frustrated with them, I have never approached the coach. I am always respectful.

I do agree that Gabby is very mature and has an amazing attitude. But once again, you are ASSuming that his daughters’ are not mature. In my situation, I am positive that she is kinder, more humble and more coachable than SOME of the starters. That is what makes the situation so frustrating- decisions not made on talent/ability or her personality. In fact I think it is something that works against her- she’ll never complain or question the coach (instead she internalizes it) and as a parent, I’ve never questioned or complained.

You should know that things aren’t always so clear cut and/or fair.






Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Gabby? The OP is Bob516 and it was Bob516 that was quoted. While things are not always clear cut, there are certain "signature points" in some posts that lead one to believe that the rose colored glasses are always on. Also, being a coach, believe me it is hard to avoid those comments that disgruntled parents make regardless of whether they are done in our presence or behind the scenes. There are always others more than willing to run and tell everyone, including the coaching staff, what is going on in the stands or elsewhere. At the risk of boring long time members to death with my stories, I posted here about the year the freshmen parents elected a spokesperson to speak up about how good their dds were and I needed to know. In the process, this spokes person had to mention that these freshmen had more playing time than even my dd and were better. I asked how they would know and the group response was that then go to all of the area tournaments and have not seen my dd in any of them. I called my daughter over and asked her how many games she played in the summer. That number was staggering. I then asked her how many states she played in and again, the number was staggering. I then asked her how many "local tournaments" she played in. ONE. That was our "border war" which her team easily won. To make a point, I asked her how many school were recruiting her and she said she didn't have any idea but it was a lot. I turned to the spokes person and in no uncertain terms made the point that my dd and others on the varsity didn't play local tournaments. They wanted to play against good competition across the country. As I posted her often, they were still convinced that their dds were better. Those Rose Colored Glasses are powerful but I am probably making an ASSumption about all of this.

Edited to add:

I should stop but can't. So, I'll go ahead and make a total rear of myself. I have to wonder about the coaches in this area. They truly must be terrible. Bob516 lives in the same area as Francis and BBSG and they have freshmen for children. Freshmen in that area might as well skip HS ball.

 

[FP26]

I intentionally stayed away from this thread because of the topic. I know how contentious discussions about high school coaches can get. But I will offer my opinion.

DD's high school is a football powerhouse. They have won several state championships, and could very well win another next year. One of the main reasons is because of how they manage playing time. During most games they have a 35 point lead at half time. In PA that becomes a mercy rule situation. Once they reach that mark, they start subbing in the younger players. Then when the older players graduate at the end of the year, these younger players already have some on field experience. Significant and sometimes even playoff experience at times. I see that as a huge advantage from year to year.

When I watch local high school softball, I don't often see the same mentality. Yes, I realize softball and football are different. But if a team has a large lead, what's so difficult about subbing in a few younger players for an inning or two? Maybe pull your stud pitcher to get your freshman or sophomore pitcher an inning? From my experience, most of the more successful programs in the area do utilize their bench and do try to get at least some playing time for most of them. It may not be as much playing time as the players or their parents want. But it is a taste of things to come.

 

[efastball]

Parents in all sports have a difficult emotional ride when their kids are frosh and sophs. They have always moved their kid around so they had playing time. This is the first time in the parent's life where they have no control, and they can't move Little Daisy to another team.

Everyone goes through this. I did. It's OK to vent, but at some point you have to accept reality. It's more fun to sit back and enjoy. It will all be over soon enough.

 

[MNDad]

I’m not the OP but have a similar situation. While I always appreciate bluntness, you are making a lot if ASSumptions in the situation.

1. No one is asking to start. If potential was seen in the younger girls, give them a chance.
2. Never did he say he complained to the coach or was he going to. No matter how much I disagree with decisions made or am frustrated with them, I have never approached the coach. I am always respectful.

I do agree that Gabby is very mature and has an amazing attitude. But once again, you are ASSuming that his daughters’ are not mature. In my situation, I am positive that she is kinder, more humble and more coachable than SOME of the starters. That is what makes the situation so frustrating- decisions not made on talent/ability or her personality. In fact I think it is something that works against her- she’ll never complain or question the coach (instead she internalizes it) and as a parent, I’ve never questioned or complained.

You should know that things aren’t always so clear cut and/or fair.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I understand it’s not always fair. I went through it with my daughter and son and they both got shafted plenty of times. When you’re in the middle of it, it seems like the end of the world. I get it. There’s a right way and a wrong way of going about it though. If they’re ready to play varsity they’re ready to talk to the coaches without Daddy and Mommy. They have to learn that freshman aren’t going to play because they as good as the juniors and seniors. A freshman has to be significantly better. Preference is given to upperclassmen because they have more experience. There’s a variety of other reasons that aren’t as fair. A) They have less opportunities left. B) They’ve shown loyalty and kept a good attitude despite lack of skill. We’ve all seen coaches who show preference for kids who play in their summer program, favor kids of booster club members, or give in to manipulative parents. It sucks. It’s life. They need to get past it. What’s going to happen when they get to college and see some of the same stuff?

He's made several statements of how his DD is better than the older girls. It’s clear he’s expecting significant playing time over them. He doesn’t have to complain to the coach. There’s enough of it on here, in front of his kids and to other parents. He’s made multiple statements about his daughters not wanting to be there. That in itself shows a lack of maturity.

Yes, I’m making assumptions. It comes from experience. I’ve seen and heard so many freshman parents complain about the same thing. They’re on the best travel team with the best coaches. The juniors and seniors are inferior.

DD’s HS coach played D1, was an All-American, won a national championship and went on to coach 20 years at the D1 level. Freshman parents would come in and still say she wasn’t qualified!

 

[Eric F]

They have to learn that freshman aren’t going to play because they as good as the juniors and seniors. A freshman has to be significantly better.

I've said this EXACT same thing to parents and players in the TB world, too. This is the nature of a competitive team. You don't get a spot because you're "as good" as the player who has already done the time, done the work, proven herself, and earned the spot. You need to be better. You need to be UNDENIABLY better. You need to be so much better that you can't be ignored. Even then, putting you in that spot you want might not be the best thing for the team as a whole.

This year, going into tryouts for the HS team, I told my freshman DD that she needed to prove herself every practice and every game, not only to the coach, but to the parents. If she was going to take the spot of the returning starting catcher, she needed to be so much better that the returning player's parents were saying "that freshman needs to be the catcher".

 

[_MIA_]

The situation is what it is, doesn't sound like it is going to change. If the kids want to continue playing HS given the situation then then they should. If not then they should quit. Sports are supposed to be fun..if you are not having fun what is the point? I quit both my HS basketball team and college baseball team, not because I wasn't playing, but because I wasn't enjoying it anymore. I have not had any issues keeping a job

What the parents want or think in this particular situation means nothing. Most normal parents have rose-colored glasses to some extent..it is a coping mechanism which gets them through the years where their kids look like a baby giraffe when they are hitting and fielding

 

[Cannonball]

I owed Cyder an apology and have sent it via pm response. I should not get involved in these types of threads.

Take care

Darrell

 

[Cyder517]

No apologies are needed! In sharing our experience and frustration (more mine, than hers), I am opening up the floor for criticism as well as acknowledgement. It helps to hear other perspectives. Have a good night!

I owed Cyder an apology and have sent it via pm response. I should not get involved in these types of threads.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk